How do you know when it’s time to move on from a relationship you have or the situation you are in? No relationship or situation is perfect, but chances are there is at least something in your life that is quite toxic.

If you find yourself gravitating back to toxic friendships or situations, it’s because they’re still giving you something you need – some emotional gratification – and this is not the right reason to stay.

I know you can’t eliminate all harmful relationships/ situations from your life right away. But I also know you can minimize your contact with them. Not all people and circumstances are cable of the change you are looking for. As such, it’s time to identify what can be let go so that you may live in peace.

Here are 5 clues you can look for to help you understand the reasons your staying and knowing when to let go and move on.

Staying out of duty and honour: Feeling you need to stick around because your romantic partner, friend, or boss would be lost without you... not because you’re really enjoying the situation. Feeling like this person has given you so much that it would be selfish for you to move on. Or feeling like you are helping this person and doing them a favour. What you’re really doing is trying to make yourself feel significant. You don’t want to feel like a horrible person, so you’re staying and drawing your self-worth from this sorry situation. In return you’re sacrificing your happiness.

Staying out of loneliness: Worrying that if you finally sever your ties to this person or place it will lead you to have nothing and no one. And then what would you do and who would you be? Women often define who they are by the relationship they have in their life. And it’s better to have anything then nothing at all. Instead work on creating new connections and find new activities to do. It’s called “in with the new and out with the old.” It’s hard to get rid of the old, when anything new is nowhere in sight. Word of advice: Don’t base your identity on what’s in your life... because nothing stays permanently.

Staying out of fear: This is one of the biggest reasons women stay in unwanted situations. Being worried you won’t be able to move on on your own... and not knowing if there is anything for you out there. The uncertainty and inability to predict keeps you rooted to the toxicity because no matter how tough it is, it’s safer than the unknown.

Feeling resentful: What favours are you doing for this person by “graciously” staying behind, if you then feel resentful towards him or her? You know that being resentful will lead you to pick fights and look for disagreements about silly things. Do them and yourself a favour. Move on to relationships and places that are healthier for you both. Otherwise YOU become the toxicity in your life (not them)!

Feeling used and abused: If you feel used and abused after being with them, chances are you are also feeling depleted. All relationships and circumstances are a 2-way street. This includes valuing each other. If you find you are giving more and hardly getting anything of value back, it’s time to say good bye.

Author's Bio: 

Toronto Life Coach for Women, Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA, provides training and support to kind-hearted and genuine women who struggle with their self-esteem, feel stuck and trapped, or are emotionally exhausted. I offer educational programs, products, as well as in-person and online coaching and mentoring with the goal of helping my clients Reach Their Full Potential.

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