Your husband had an affair. I’m sorry to hear that, I really am. I know how difficult it can be to deal with something like that. It can seem like your whole stomach just drops right down through the floor, you feel dizzy, and none of it seems like its really happening.

What can be even more infuriating though is the thought that another woman went and willingly started meddling in your marriage and pulled your husband away from you. A lot of women may even feel motivated to confront the other woman just to get a better idea about what she’s thinking.

First of all, yes, I understand that not all women know that the man they’re sleeping with is married. Some of them are in the dark on the whole situation. You can’t really blame them if your husband slips off his wedding ring before he approaches her at a bar and starts things. In all likelihood, she probably just thought he was a charming single man.

But what about those women who know that he’s married? Why would they try to tear your marriage apart?

Well, chances are that she isn’t some kind of evil-doer who takes pleasure from tearing happy couples apart.

If your husband cheated, then there’s a good chance that there were some serious problems in your marriage to begin with. He probably wasn’t getting all of his needs met, either emotional or physical needs.

The other woman probably started out as a simple platonic friends. Somewhere along the line, he probably confided in her about the problems in your marriage and the specific frustrations he was having with it.

Being a friend, she empathized with him and out of their sharing and discussion, the spark of attraction started. When all she hears from him is all the problems he’s having with his wife (you), it’s easy for her to stop seeing you as the unique, multi-faceted person that you really are. Instead, you become some kind of oppressor to this wonderful man. It’s because of this mentality that she probably doesn’t feel much guilt in having the affair.

Now, I’m not saying that she’s right or that you are a bad person. Indeed you are probably a good person, and so is the other woman. It’s just how she sees things from the story she gets from your husband.

Maybe there is some value in approaching the other woman and talking to her. Don’t do it for revenge though, if you do it make sure it is to gain understanding or to try and convince her to cut off the affairs.

Remember, that regardless of what happened, it was still your husband’s choice to have the affair. Perhaps the other woman isn’t free from all guilt, but this is still your husband’s choice and he ultimately holds the responsibility for his actions. It’s easy to point the finger at a the third party, but remember that an affair is ultimately a symptom of a problem between you and your husband, and you need to deal with that first and foremost.

Author's Bio: 

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Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.