In order for someone to have a fulfilling life, they will need to be able to assert themselves and to go after what it is that they desire. The reason for this is that if they are unable to do this, they won’t be able to live a life that is in alignment with who they are and what they desire won’t merely drop into their lap.

With this in mind, it will be essential for them to have a strong will. However, although this is important, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet will be in this position; there are plenty of people who aren’t.

A Bleak Existence

When someone is not in this position, it is going to be a challenge for them to assert themselves and to go after what they desire. Also, even if they are able to go after something, they could soon give up and throw the towel in, so to speak.

As a result, they are unlikely to live a life that is in alignment with who they are and they will probably rarely receive what they desire. So, this is likely to mean that they will often feel deeply frustrated, angry and powerless.

The Norm

Along with this, they are also likely to spend a lot of time feeling violated and as though the world is against them. This is because, by not being able to stand their ground, they will be used to being walked over.

The word no might seldom come out of their mouth, causing them to go along with things that they would rather not do. This could take place automatically and then after, once they are by themselves, they could be filled with anger or feel depressed.

Out of Balance

When it comes to the people in their life, some of these may have no trouble asserting themselves. In fact, some of them might be domineering and have absolutely no idea where they begin and end.

Naturally, being around people like this, as they find it so hard to assert themselves, will cause them problems. Part of them won’t want to be around someone like this, while another part of them is likely to feel comfortable with it.

Another Area

If they have a career, they might not have been able to make much headway and could feel like they are constantly standing still. Yet, if they don’t have a career, they could have a job that pays the bills but not much else.

In both cases, they will want more but they simply won’t have the oomph that they need to get things moving. At times, they could feel as though they need someone to come along and to not just take action for them but to live their life for them.

What’s going on?

At this point, it can be as though they don’t have something that other people, those who are able to assert themselves have. If they were able to step back and reflect on their life, they may even believe that they were born this way.

Unlike others, then, they won’t have what they need to be able to assert themselves and this is why they are this way. This might sound accurate but what if there is a lot more to it?

Going Deeper

There is a strong chance that they were not born this way and that what took place during their early years played a big part. This is likely to show that this was a time when they missed out on what they needed to be able to grow and develop.

From the moment they were born, they may have often been neglected and when they did receive attention, it may have typically been misattuned care. After this, around two years later, when they tried to assert themselves, they may have been discouraged, punished and or abandoned.

The Outcome

If they were left when they were an infant, this may have taken away their desire to assert their will. Due to the pain that this would have caused them, they would have gone into a shut down, collapsed, frozen state.

But, if this didn’t take place and even if it did and they tried to assert their will even more as time passed, they would have soon learned that it wasn’t safe for them to do so. Doing this and taking the steps that would allow them to gradually become an individual would have been seen as a threat to their survival.

Two Parts

On one side, this would have caused them to disconnect from their will and on the other, it would have stopped this part of them from growing. Therefore, even if they were to embrace their will now that they are an adult, it is likely to be weak.

Like a muscle, it will need to be regulatory used to merely function, let alone to be strong. Ultimately, and while being this way will cause them to suffer unnecessarily now that they are an adult, the support that they needed to be able to express and develop their will wouldn’t have been there and this is why they had to lose touch with this part of their being.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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