The relationship triangle is an imprint of interpersonal dynamics that is programed into your subconscious. This imprint affects how you relate to other people at the subconscious level for the rest of your life. That is why it is so important to understand it, so that you can transcend it.

Between the time you were conceived and the age of three, your parents were as God to you. Everything they did, all of their behaviors were processed by your infant self as the way God is, as how God interacts with the world and how God interacts with you.

Remember, your parents and the behaviors they engaged in during that most impressionable time are a direct result of your karma from past lives, the lessons you are to learn and the challenges you are to overcome. Nothing happens by chance. The behaviors your parents tied into are a direct reflection of how you have behaved in past lives, for better of for worse. Don’t blame your parents. They did the best they could with what they had to work with.. Rather thank them for the learning opportunity they provided for you.

Your subconscious processes relationships by assigning three chairs that relate to each other in a triangle. Your top chairs are occupied by Mom or Dad. For some people, these two chairs are occupied by a set of primary caregivers that the subconscious registered as being the true parental figures in your life from ages 0-3. These may be grandparents, where the parents occupy a sibling position, adoptive parents or foster parents. The bottom chair is occupied by yourself as child.

Each day of your early life, you observed how your parents related to one another and how they related to you. These dynamics formed the basis for all of your subsequent relationships, with all of their functionality and disfunctionality. You also absorbed how you related to your parents (who represented God to you) and how they (and “God”) related to you.

Now as an adult, your parents are no longer “gods” for you, but your subconscious still plays out this program. In each encounter you come into, your subconscious immediately attributes a chair to the people involved, including yourself. The person either sits in one of your parent’s chair or your child chair, and you get to sit in one of the other two ciiars. That means that for each relationship you’re involved in, at the subconscious level, you’re either playing the role of Mom, Dad or your child self. You’re either domineering or subjugated to them. You’re either “parenting” or being “parented.”

And until these roles have been attributed by the subconscious of everyone involved, nobody’s comfortable. Once everyone sits into their assigned chair, based on who they most remind each other at the gut, feeling level, everyone feels more comfortable. They think they will be able to predict the other person and manage the ambiguity.

Everybody is doing this to each other all the time. We are all constantly projecting upon one another these roles and faces of the past. In so doing, we’re trying to process our pastlife karma and bring resolution to our soul.

As little infants and young children, we had a gut reaction to one of our parents, no matter how slight, and we said, “I’m not going to be like that parent.” In effect, we said “no” to that chair. We sided with the other parent on a subconscious level and we said “yes” to their chair.

Now as grown-ups, whenever a situation comes around that makes us behave like the parent in the “yes” chair, we are comfortable and everything seems to be going all right. But when we have to sit in the chair of the parent we said “no” to, and behave from that chair’s perspective, we become very uncomfortable. We are having to become the parent or the behavior we said we would never be like, and this wobbles our system.

While all of this is going on in our subconscious, we strive at the conscious and superconscious level to put on our best self, to be instruments of our higher self. This is where we are “gods” in the making, no longer prisoners of the gods of our subconscious, but rather putting on the true vestment of our higher self.

In our heart is a threefold flame of love, wisdom and power, three plumes of divine energy that beat our heart and radiate God’s energy into our life. Our threefold flames are out of balance because over lifetimes of momentum, we have exemplified one of these qualities over the other: love over power, or power over love, or wisdom over love, etc.

The lower plume needs to come into congruity with the higher plumes so that our threefold flame can come into balance. Then, we will display the full attributes of God’s power, wisdom and love in our lives in a balanced way, which is the way of the Christ.

Until we get to that place of attainment, we must contend with our imbalance, which directly relates back to our relationship triangle. You see, the chair you said “no” to corresponds to your lower plume. The parent you said you would never be like was carrying out a stronger manifestation of love, or wisdom or power (and/or its perversion).

We are comfortable and feel strong in both our child chair and the chair we said “yes” to, of the parent we wanted to emulate. These two chairs correspond to either our highest or second highest plume. When we follow these patterns, we are usually at your best. When we are forced to play out the “no” chair, however, and accelerate our lower plume, we feel frayed, exasperated, ashamed, fatigued and so forth.

Still, we must exercise our lower plume and bring it into balance. We must lovingly reclaim our rejected chair. We must become more and more dexterous with that plume and requalify that rejected behavior in the right way, with right effort. We must TRY and remember that when we earnestly try, God steps through the veil and gives us the added boost we need to hit our mark.

Take a moment then, to consider your relationship triangle, your preferred and rejected chairs, and how these impact your ability to balance and expand your threefold flame so that ultimately, you can transcend the pull of your subconscious and put that moon beneath your feet.

Author's Bio: 

Therese Emmanuel Grey is spiritual and relationship mentor who teaches the inner family archetypes to help heal individuals and families. She has co-authored two landmark books, Why We Do What We Do and The Psychology of Success. Her autobiography, Miracles, Masters and Mirth: Adventures in Spirituality and Self-Awareness, provides extraordinary insights on the purpose of life and can be found at Therese also wrote the beautifully illustrated children's book, The Legend of the Ancient of Days, available at Therese nurtures a fast-growing online community of spiritual seekers and holistic minded individuals at She also hosts several radio programs, including daily violet flame mantras and meditations at Therese teaches weekly classes, webinars and facilitator training courses from her home in Montana, including the well-loved Radiant Sherpa Retreat. She also offers private sessions, where she shares highly effective insights and rituals to help you connect to your angels and sponsoring master. Find out more at