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Browse published articles attributed to Allan Hardman, with full-archive search.
When an apprentice called me to tell me his wife was thinking about leaving him, he was mystified about what more she could want from him. He worked hard, supported her so she could be a stay-at-home Mom, he mowed the lawn, and kept the oil changed in the car. He was always busy with tasks and ...
Many people in our current world are awakening to realize that the old reasons for marriage and relationship no longer serve them. All relationships are based on agreements. In the past, these agreements have been mostly unconscious and unspoken. I offer these five agreements as a step towards a new model for conscious relationships of all kinds, based on a more spiritual understanding of our place in the universe and our relationships with each other. I call it The New Relationship.
I’ve been kicking around the idea of “being an adult” with my apprentices in TACO, my online apprenticeship program. What does it actually mean to be an adult—to really be “grown up,” and no longer simply pretending to be?
Nutshell: Our default setting is “Happy.” We came into this world Happy. We were not afraid, we did not judge ourselves or other people— or anything in the universe. We were One With It All. Enlightened. Gurus. But instead of people worshipping at our feet and begging us to teach them how to be so happy, they were determined to teach us to be afraid. It was the only way they could control us. They judged us, told us what was good and bad behavior; right and wrong thoughts; acceptable and non-acceptable ways of being. They domesticated us, just like a new puppy.
One of my apprentices often called me, upset because there were no “good men” out there. She had been in so many relationships, she said, waiting for a man that would be present and show his feelings. She told me that she was often fooled, thinking a particular man wanted to share with her in a ...
A new client called to tell me that she and her husband had a big fight because he wouldn’t listen to her share her feelings. He said he was tired of being made wrong; and all she wanted to do was tell him how she felt. She asked me, in a very discouraged tone; “How can I get him to just listen when I try to tell him how he is making me feel, instead of arguing with me?”
I am writing this from my winter home in Chacala, Nayarít, Mexico. The moon is full, hanging softly overhead in a warm tropical night sky. I can hear the ocean waves caressing the sandy beach, and mariachi music is playing in the distance. What could be more romantic?? In fact, this scenario is ...
It is not easy to be intimate in conscious relationship. In fact, everything we learned as children goes against our adult desire for intimacy and relationship. Frankly, our beloved parents taught us a bunch of lies. It wasn’t their fault, the lies were taught to them, and taught by generations before them. Lies. Agreements and beliefs that were so contradictory and absurd that anyone with any sense of logic would cry “foul!” But we believed, and we taught, and we preserved, and we immersed ourselves in those lies.
Romantic relationship has been both a blessing and nightmare for many people in this new millennium. In the past, the rules of relationship were relatively structured and well enforced by families and cultures. Many relationships were based on the need for security and financial well-being in an uncertain world. Often, mates were chosen based on others' expectations, class, race, or religious backgrounds.r
All conscious relationship begins with ourselves. To share the truth of how we feel, without attachment to the outcome of a relationship, is one of my many definitions of conscious relationship-- but we must be connected to our feelings in a very intimate way to be able to share them.
I read somewhere that relationships are increasingly stressed during these “hard times” we are passing through. I am not surprised. With all the bad news in the media, and the fear it creates, most individuals are stressed. And maybe you have noticed, it is individuals who make up most relationships! In my writing, I mostly address the issues of romantic relationships, however, it is valuable to remember that every form of relationship is affected by the stresses of life—relationships in love, business, friends, parent/ child, child/parent, and strangers on the street.
Probably the biggest challenge to those of us wanting to live conscious spiritual lives in these rapidly transforming times is the changing form and expectations of romantic courtship, relationship, and marriage. The traditional models are rapidly disappearing, and the foundation for new forms ...
Divine Presence, be with me today, reminding me of your love for me. . . your love without conditions, your love without expectations, your love without obligations. Help me to learn to love myself the way You love me. Help me to love and accept myself, without reservations and without doubt. Help me to know that you are not outside of me, but are the living truth of who I AM. Let me remember my Divine Essence, and know it as You. Help me to love all of Life, and to see You therein, reflected back to me. In this moment, I know that there is nowhere in this Universer
Could it be possible that we were lied to about love? I think so. I think we have been taught a big lie about Love. To understand the origin of the lie, we need to go back to a time, not too long ago, in a place, not so very far away. That is the time you were a small child. In that time not ...
I have been playing with the idea that we create all of our relationships based on the needs they fill. It is not a very romantic notion, but I invite you to read, ponder with me, and let me know what you think. I am thinking of all relationships—romances, friendships, family, strangers, with ...
I have been counseling couples for many years. It’s a passion of mine, watching the magic that happens when intimacy is restored to a marriage. When you embrace a commitment with someone, especially a commitment that you expect to last a lifetime, there is a good possibility you will both bring with you expectations and unspoken agreements that have the potential to cause misunderstandings or hurt in your relationship.