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Browse published articles attributed to Brian James, with full-archive search.
In many parts of the country, the school year has just started. If you are going through a divorce or are already divorced, have you talked about or planned how you and the other parent are going to communicate about your child’s school activities?
There are degrees of conflict in every divorce, some very minor but others that have a severe and far-reaching impact. Conflict and anger at its extreme can result in Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). This occurs when one parent consciously or unconsciously sabotages the relationship between their children and their other parent. This is far beyond an occasional angry outburst or a disparaging remark. It involves relentless and inflated outbursts and comments that are designed to turn a child against a parent.
Consistency is something that I think most people desire as part of their lives. Though change brings the opportunity for new beginnings and renewal, the things that give us a "sameness" are comforting. This is especially true for children. The people and things that remain consistent and steady make children feel safe and secure. But the advent of a separation and divorce can shake that feeling of security for children. There are ways to minimize the emotional impact of change in your children's lives.
Every situation has two complex and unique perspectives and the ability to interpret, empathize and identify with each side is a benefit divorcing couples must not take lightly. Having a mediation team composed of a male and a female allows C.E.L. and Associates to offer an approach to mediation that produces results that other firms cannot hope to achieve.
Every time we consult a professional we think about what qualities will make this relationship successful. We want a doctor with compassion and caring. We want a teacher with energy and enthusiasm. But what do we want in a mediator? Is it all skill and abilities? Is it communication? Because a mediator wears a number of "hats" it is not just one thing. A mediator is someone who, by nature of their role, has to be many things and today I will discuss three qualities that a mediator must have as a basis for their personality and attitude towards their work.
Most couples with children have no structured college savings plans set up. This is even more so after divorce proceedings commence. There are so many complex issues to discuss that college planning for the children takes a back seat to everything else. Things such as, “We’ll work it out when the time comes” or “We’ll set something up after the divorce, when things calm down”. As a divorce mediator, I cringe inside when I hear couples utter these phrases. Even the most well intended couples don’t follow through with these statements.
Whether you have $10K or $10M in assets, the division of marital assets does not necessarily determine how much your divorce will cost you. The divorces we see on television, with high priced atto eys and high powered experts, do not have to be the rule, but the exception. Divorce mediation offers a unique perspective on the dissolution of a marriage and the division of marital assets. That perspective focuses on the bases of assets, not the quantity of the assets.
As a mediator, I work with many couples who must agree upon a Child Support amount that makes sense to them and benefits their children the most. In the State of Illinois, where I practice, Child Support is based on a fixed percentage of the giver's "net" income. The more children you have, the higher the percentage applied.
Mediation, by nature and definition, bridges the emotional gulf that can exist between couples, both during and after a divorce. The need to assess priorities, explore opinions, and achieve compromises requires mediators to learn as much as possible about their client’s current relationship with each other so that both parties feel they are being heard and understood. Because the ultimate goal of mediation is mutual satisfaction with the settlement agreement, a good mediator has to listen, understand, and interpret the wide variety of emotions every couple brings to mediation.
When approaching the ending of a marriage and how to go about it, divorcing couples are faced with many hard decisions. Whether to choose mediation over litigation is fundamental and primary in the divorce process. When couples weigh the pluses and minuses of both choices, the factor of cost must be of primary concern. The costs of divorce litigation are both significant and a source of conce for couples as well as even the atto eys that may represent them.
A parent is many things to their child. There are not enough nouns in the English language to accurately describe the many and varied roles that parents play in their children's lives. They are everything from cook to coach and supporter to story reader. In short, parents are everything to their children. One thing that they are, especially when separated, is a presence. A child should feel that they are, wherever they are, their parent's child. Being a presence in your child's life is a big job, no matter what your family dynamic or situation.
A family home, whether in an apartment or house, gives your family's lives context and stability. Moving into a new home can be extremely stressful for the entire family, especially for the children. A new neighborhood or surroundings changes the dynamics of your child's life. Given these facts, adjusting to a second home when a parent relocates can take stress to heightened levels. But there are ways that parents can mitigate the stress of adjusting to a second home.
When looking at this issue it is easy to be misled into thinking that there are easy solutions to this problem. Current research gives some very pat answers to a question that is extremely complex. The key to understanding the insurance dilemma facing divorced spouses is to look at long term solutions and to understand the need for an advisor to negotiate the process.
There is a relatively new emphasis in Divorce Mediation and related court proceedings, the appointment of a Parenting Coordinator, to ensure that the best interests of the children remain paramount. You may think that the best interests of the children have always been the highest priority of divorce actions, but sadly, sometimes it is not. Courts have recently seen the need to intercede, especially in high-conflict families, in order to remain vigilant about the children's well being.
Divorce mediation is about you and your soon to be ex-spouse deciding your own divorce and what is best for the both of you and most importantly, your children. In mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party, the mediator, and with their help, you work through the issues you need to resolve so the two of you can end your marriage as amicably and cost effective as possible. The issues covered include but are not limited to the following: 1. Distribution of Property (Assets/Liabilities) 2. Child Custody and Parenting Time 3. Child Support/Maintenance
While it is always advantageous to maintain consistency when a couple is establishing two separate households there are always some gaps. One primary area where some coordination is required is the question of child care. Whether it is a nanny, housekeeper, or babysitter, it is often difficult for parents to use the same child care professional in both homes. Different localities and financial considerations often require a parent to seek out their own nanny. This has advantages and disadvantages.
Couples filing for divorce should be aware of a new service called co mediation. In a traditional divorce, both husband and wife hire a divorce atto ey. Couples are encouraged to fight for what they want with a divorce atto ey. And the result is a divorce process that takes months or years to complete.
Whenever we meet bumps in the road, there is usually more than one path to choose. We make these choices as we choose a school, a career, a home, and a mate. But these choices, like all choices, are rarely written in stone. One of the beauties of life is that we get to evaluate and consider our decisions many times and make changes and adjustments as time goes on. These decisions don’t come without stress, effort, and pain, such as the choice to end a marriage. But simply choosing to end a marriage doesn’t mean that all the decisions are made.
As a divorce mediator in Chicago, IL, I spend a lot of my time educating my clients as to what custody and visitation mean. In the past, custody always went to the mom and dad got visits every other weekend. Views have changed over the years. Studies are showing that children benefit more when both parents are active in their lives. Dads are taking proactive roles in their children's lives and this is changing the dynamics of custody and visitation.
Co-parenting starts the day the decision is made to divorce has been made. Even the most amicable divorces need a plan for future co-parenting. Putting your children's best interests first, no matter how much you may dislike the other parent, is the key to co-parenting.
Divorce, with all its emotional and financial upheaval, is frequently wrought with stress, fear, and staggering new challenges. In the economic times we now find ourselves in the stress, fear and challenges are being felt by everyone, not just families touched by divorce. The constant media coverage and an almost universal sense of crisis require that divorcing couples make an unprecedented effort to provide a sense of financial security to their children.
As the summer months approach, activities that are unique to summer remind us of how important it is to plan year-round. With your children out of school, many parents look for programs and activities to bolster academics, spark interests and passions, or supplement athletic talents by enrolling them in away and day camps that can keep them from sitting in front of the TV or computer all summer especially if both parents work.
When looking at this issue it is easy to be mislead into thinking that there are easy solutions to this problem. Current research gives some very pat answers to a question that is extremely complex. The key to understanding the insurance dilemma facing divorced spouses is to look at long term solutions and to understand the need for an advisor to negotiate the process.
Planning for the holidays begins long before they occur and starts with making the best use of our resources year-round. The expenses we incur associated with separation and divorce become even more critical because each partner is facing the loss of an income, two households, and most importantly, the needs of the children. At times like the holiday season many people look back over the funds they have spent throughout the year and wonder how they could have made better financial decisions.
Like every process, there has to be an end product. During your divorce mediation, the ultimate goal is to obtain a written agreement that spells out all the aspects of your divorce and the conclusions you and your spouse have reached. But I am sure that there are times when you look at the written document and say, "Is this REALLY going to work?" After years of mediating divorces and a variety of conflicts, I think everyone asks that question. The key to getting the answer you want from that question is to be thorough, patient, honest, and committed to a fair settlement.