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Browse published articles attributed to Darlene Lancer, with full-archive search.
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A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
You can make significant strides in overcoming codependency by developing new attitudes, skills, and behavior. But deeper recovery may involve healing trauma, usually that began in childhood. Trauma can be emotional, physical, or environmental, and can range from experiencing a fire to emotional neglect. Childhood events had a greater impact on you then than they would today, because you didn’t have coping skills that an adult would have.
Dreams are the “Royal Road to the Unconscious,” said Freud. What you don’t know controls you. Your unconscious beliefs, fears, motives, and desires can thwart your goals, your health, and relationships. By understanding and learning to trust the messages in your dreams, you are communicating with your true self, your soul, and God. Carl Jung wrote that he who looks inside awakens. “The dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and most secret recesses of the soul.” Deciphering your dreams’ hidden symbols, guidance, and messages unlocks that doorway.
Caesarian sections in the U.S. hit a record high for the eleventh year in a row - averaging about one-third of births nationally, up from 26 percent in 2002 and 5 percent in 1970. The rate is 36 percent in New York (45 percent at Albany Medical Center) and 39 percent in Florida (50 percent in Miami Dade County).
There’s a lot of confusion about intimacy, what it really is, and how to make it happen. There’re couples married decades who can be physically close, but don’t know how to be emotionally intimate. The word intimate refers to your private and essential being. Usually people think it means sharing personal information or having sex. Real intimacy is far more. It makes you feel content, empowered, whole, peaceful, alive, and happy. It transforms and nurtures you. Physical closeness, sex, and romance are important to a relationship, but emotional intimacy revitalizes and enlivens it.<!--more-->
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<img class="alignleft wp-image-4867 size-medium" title="Stages of Codependency" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Stages-of-Addiction-300x274.png" alt="stages-of-codependency" width="300" height="274" />
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
It's must be cellular that a woman automatically feels humiliated when her man cheats. Maria has done nothing to be ashamed of. Too often, women feel embarrassed for their husbands' behavior, whether it's domestic violence, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, gambling, or sex addiction, and although it's fortunate that A old took responsibility for his actions, too often, those husbands shift the blame onto their wives. It's called "blaming the victim."
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Women assume many roles throughout their lives – as daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and grandmothers. Women’s roles have been largely determined by the rules and expectations of culture, religion, and the patriarchy, as well as biology. Have you considered to what extent your roles have defined you, your thoughts and behavior? It may be easier to conform to societal norms and follow the example of your mother and friends, but the price is high if it means sacrificing your beliefs or the expression of other parts of yourself. This can lead to depression.
<img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-5237" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/anger-management.jpg" alt="Anger management" width="207" height="166" /> Anger hurts. It’s a reaction to not getting what we want or need. Anger escalates to rage when we feel assaulted or threatened. It could be physical, emotional, or abstract, such as an attack on our reputation. When we react disproportionately to our present circumstance, it’s because we’re really reacting to something in our past event – often from childhood.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Donald Trump has grown an empire of wealth and power, but is it enough? He admits that it isn’t the money that motivates him. (The Art of the Deal, 1987) What drives narcissists are their fears of feeling weak, vulnerable, or inferior. Consequently, for male narcissists in particular, achieving power is their highest value – at any cost. Trump is “certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred.” (Trump on Trump)
Many Americans struggling with health, financial, or emotional problems find it challenging to feel grateful around Thanksgiving. Some people always have a habit of looking at the negative. One reason for this is that our brains our predisposed to solve problems, and we take what makes us comfortable for granted. Religion
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Even if you wanted the divorce, it entails loss. Aside from the ending of the relationship with your spouse, you may be losing your home, time with your children, in-laws, extended family, and even friends. There are inevitable financial losses, loneliness, a change of lifestyle, imagined losses of what might have been, and of memories of what once was. It may involve a move to a different city, a change of jobs or schools, or a homemaker entering the work force for the first time.
The idea of self-love and self-nurturing baffles most people, especially codependents, who by and large, received inadequate parenting. The word “nurture” comes from the Latin nutritus, meaning to suckle and nourish. It also means to protect and foster growth. For young children, this usually falls to the mother, however, the father’s role is equally important. Both parents need to nurture children.
<img class="alignleft wp-image-6592 size-medium" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/shame-thermometer-300x300.png" alt="narcissism, shame, and codependency" width="300" height="300" />
Women are notorious at finding fault with themselves. A Dove study last year found that over 40 percent of women are unhappy with their looks, and over two-thirds suffer low confidence about their bodies. Many blamed the airbrushed, ideal models for setting unrealistic, unattainable standards. Our societal attitudes are a major cause.
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In working with women for decades, I've found that self-esteem is the common denominator of many women's issues. With better self-esteem, women are more able to find balance, handle stress, and claim their autonomy.
Each time you affirm your true, authentic self, every cell in your body cheers “Yes!” When you negate yourself, it has negative biological consequences. To build self-esteem and affirm your true self, try this: Take action to meet your needs. Express who you really are. Think good thoughts about yourself.r
Because our nervous system is wired to need others, rejection is painful. Romantic rejection especially hurts. Feeling lonely and missing connection share the evolutionary purpose of survival and reproduction. Ideally, loneliness should encourage you reach out to others and maintain your relationships.
Alcohol Living with an addict can be a living hell. Unpredictable and dangerous, yet sometimes exciting and romantic. Never knowing when we’ll be blamed or accused. Not being able to dependably plan social events. As the addict becomes more irresponsible, we pick up the slack and do more, often becoming the sole functioning parent or even the sole provider; yet we’re unable to lean on our partner for comfort or support.
Last year, a study reported that despite the improvement in women's lives, their happiness relative to men has declined since the '70s, when the reverse was true. This held true across racial and socio-economic lines in several industrialized countries. Women's happiness also declines with age. In contrast, men' happiness has increased and increases with age.
Despite having a seemingly strong personality, narcissists lack a core self. Their self-image and thinking and behavior are other-oriented in order to stabilize and validate their self-esteem and fragile, fragmented self. Poor Narcissus
<img class="wp-image-10934 alignleft" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Denial-CFD.png" alt="Denial" width="481" height="324" />Denial is serious. It’s a refusal to acknowledge truth or reality. It can have benefits, but denial can also be our undoing and have life-threatening consequences. It affects not only individuals. Denial in the form of "group-think" can dangerously take over families and entire groups. Organizations, sub-cultures, religious sects, and political zealots can deny abuse, addiction, racism, genocide, corruption, and criminality.
The emotional unbonding that can occur during divorce is the cornerstone for transformation and is my focus. The task of emotional separation involves unbonding romantic and dependent aspects of the relationship, and mou ing. This is the stage where growth and transformation unfold. It includes disengagement of games, role definitions, and family expectations, and understanding why you selected your partner, why you stayed, and the "dance" you do over and over that doesn't work.
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<img class="alignleft wp-image-12957" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/narcissist-pixabay-4132758_1280.jpg" alt="narcissistic man, narcissist, narcissim" width="384" height="260" />
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
In recovery circles, being a “victim” is frowned upon. Decades ago, when I heard people say they were no longer a victim, I had no idea what they meant. Actually, a victim is an individual who has been fooled, hurt, or harmed, due to his or her own emotions or ignorance, an unfortunate event, or the actions of someone who deceived, cheated, injured, or killed him or her.
Most women suffer from lack of self-confidence, even despite greater job and educational opportunities than ever before. Lack of self-esteem starts as early as nine years old for girls and steadily worsens in adolescence, even if they excel in school.
<img class="alignleft wp-image-12984" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/therapy-Pixabay-tiyowprasetyo.jpg" alt="" width="237" height="307" /> Many people ask whether narcissists can change or benefit from therapy. Because narcissists see the cause of their problems as exte al due to their defenses of denial, distortion, and projection, their ability to look at themselves introspectively is limited. Thus, they don’t often come to individual therapy.
<img class="alignleft wp-image-5107 size-medium" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/dishonesty-300x259.jpg" alt="Lies, Betrayal, Secrets, Deception, Adultery" width="300" height="259" /> Trust is a fragile. Secrets and lies jeopardize trust and can damage us and our relationships – sometimes irreparably.
Anxiety is apprehension of experiencing fear in the future. The danger feared isn’t imminent and may not even be known or realistic. In contrast, fear is an emotional and physical reaction to a present, known threat. Anxiety is typically characterized by obsessive worry and an inability to concentrate that may affect our sleep.
<img class="alignleft wp-image-12048" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/critic-pointing-by-Prazis-Images-AdobeStock_173778047-1024x681.jpeg" alt="Accusation, pointing" width="453" height="301" />
<img class="alignleft wp-image-11197" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Dark-Triad1.png" alt="" width="356" height="322" />Think of the Dark Triad of Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism as the Bermuda Triangle – it’s perilous to get near it! The traits of all three often overlap and create personality profiles that are damaging and toxic, especially when it comes to intimate relationships, where we let our guard down.
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Codependency is learned – learned inaccurate information that you’re in some way not enough, that you don’t matter, that your feelings are wrong, or that you don’t deserve respect. These are the false beliefs that most codependents grow up with. They may not have been told these things directly, but have inferred it from behavior and attitudes of family and friends and events. Often these beliefs get handed down for generations.
<img class="alignleft wp-image-9644 size-medium" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Wiki-faces-vase-248x300.png" alt="illusion" width="248" height="300" />
What makes us "spiritual" beings? The concept of spirituality is derived from "spiritus," meaning vitality or the breath of life. When we are connected to that force, like an electric charge, our soul awakes; the more we stay connected to that energy, the stronger and more alive is our soul. Our relationships present a constant opportunity to tap into this power. SPIRITUAL PRINCIPALS Consider spiritual ideals, such as faith, truth, surrender, patience and compassion.
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If you're discontented in a relationship or go from one to another or even remain unhappily alone, you may be caught in a worsening cycle of abandonment.
<img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-4070" src="http://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/forgiveness-300x198.png" alt="forgiveness, how to forgive, broken heart" width="300" height="198" />
There’s a lot of confusion about intimacy, what it really is, and how to make it happen. There’re couples married decades who can be physically close, but don’t know how to be emotionally intimate. The word intimate refers to your private and essential being. Usually people think it means sharing personal information or having sex. Real intimacy is far more. It makes you feel content, empowered, whole, peaceful, alive, and happy. It transforms and nurtures you. Physical closeness, sex, and romance are important to a relationship, but emotional intimacy revitalizes and enlivens it.<!--more-->
Perfectionism can be a blessing or a curse. It can become a painful, inescapable trap. Its self-sabotaging side effects undermine our goals and creativity and spill over onto our co-workers and loved ones, damaging our relationships. At worse, it can be dehumanizing and compromise our ability to feel love and experience joy. Fortunately, it’s possible to beat perfectionism! Learn about different types of perfectionists, from positive perfectionists to negative, and how relationships are affected... See my interview : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1Mr0JDnl5k&feature=youtu.be