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Browse published articles attributed to Dr. Dennis Neder, with full-archive search.
I keep reading that if a man is interested he will ask you out (which I think is true to a point). When a guy asks you out that definitely shows interest, but it is hard for me to believe that every single guy has the guts to ask out all the girls he has been interested in. My question is: ...
Dear Dr. Neder: I have conflicting thoughts about whether or not it is okay for a female to initiate the conversation with the male. Many people that I know and even those on this board swear by the fact that it is the wrong thing to do. They say it will scare the man off or make him less interested or he'll think I'm easy or desperate. I have read your responses on this topic and I know you support the woman approaching the man.
Hello Doc! I've been dating a guy for awhile now. I haven't had many relationships, so I'm getting used to moving out of the honeymoon stage. My problem is, I know it's normal to get used to people and kind of let your faults come through as you get more comfortable with the person. I’m ...
Dr. Neder: I am a 36 year old woman who has been single for 3 years and I'm tired of it. I feel I'm of average attractiveness, I have a good job as an accountant, I run (marathons even!), hike, travel, have lots of friends, etc. I often hear advice from my attached friends, but the advice is often conflicting. It's either, "Stop looking and you'll find the man of your dreams!" or, "It's hard work to date - get yourself out there!"
Hi Doc! Why is it that when women turn men down for sex, they expect us to be understanding and caring, and when men turn women down, they flip out?? Here's the situation: I broke up with a girl I had been with, but have been able to remain minor friends. I know you don't think that's a ...
I get lots of letters about all sorts of dating, sex and relationship problems every day. It’s interesting that they so often fall into clearly defined categories. One of the most common comes from women that follow various prescribed paths only to find that they prevent or destroy their relationships. The majority of these paths seem to come from what I call “mass-think”. More specifically, these are ideas that; while totally incorrect, continue to be shared as “fact” mostly among women. They are actually, anything BUT fact, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
“Just what do men want anyway?” Yes, I get that question a lot these days and no, I don’t just answer with “sex”. (Yes, men want sex, but that’s not really the answer to this question.) You keep hearing that “men are simple” and that’s not really true. It’s based on that however that you often believe sex is the only answer. In fact, men are actually rich, varied and pretty complicated – just like women are. Thus, answering a question like that with something as simple as “sex” is pretty sophomoric and frankly, misleading. Let me try to clear up the fog a little. Men want:
Habitual Self-Sabotage Hi Dr. Neder! Whenever I might meet a woman and things look good, like we're talking pleasantly, (and this is right at the first or second meeting) all of a sudde I start to feel "self-conscious". I can explain exactly what I mean by this: it is the exact same feeling ...
Doc: I came to notice early in my life that treating women as if they are a goddess is a sure fire way of losing their interest. You can try to spend as much with them as possible, call/text them every day, give them compliments etc. but they will lose interest and think you’re weak. Recently, I have been more aloof with women trying not to calling them when they say give me a call, asking them out once and if they are "unavailable," not asking them again, trying to get them to approach me, etc. None of these attitudes seem to work.
I was in a long distance relationship over the internet and it ended 5 weeks ago. Basically I screwed up in silly ways and hurt her. I quit for a day, but came back and after staying away for another day she added me again during that first week (she said she'll always love me.) Over the next week or so I tried to put things back together with her. I asked if she needed time and space and she said yes because she wasn't over things. We both were/are in deeply love. I was talking about our relationship with other regulars on the site and I know she hates that.
Hey Doc: I’ve read your books and read your column every week. I can’t tell you how you’ve change my life! But, I had a question for you that I haven’t seen you write about before: what do you do when your girl gives too much? She cooks for me every chance she gets, she does my laundry, she makes the bed, does the dishes and cleans up my apartment. She helps me organize my calendar (I’m an atto ey with a very active case load) and even helps me organize my files. Sometimes she brings me lunch at the office. She doesn’t ask for much in return!
I’ve been promoting a new concept on my show that has been very successful in explaining how attraction and love work. I call these them (collectively) “The Formula”. Is there really a “formula” for attraction and love? Yes, there is. I discovered them when I was working on what sorts of ...
Dear Dr. Neder: I just recently became involved with a fellow six years my senior. He is everything I have ever dreamt of; there is just one problem….Me! I have always avoided the relationship scene because, frankly, I have no idea how to handle a relationship. I didn’t actually date until I was 18 and didn’t have intercourse until my third semester of college. I was sheltered most of my life so school and family was all I really knew. He and I met online and decided to become “partners” for a while.
Dr. Neder, My good friend has asked you a few questions and spoke very highly of the advice you've given him and the results he's received. I’ll take his word for it, and try to keep this brief, but I do want to give you the some background. I’m 23 and have a good degree and career. Two weeks ago, I went on a first date with a young woman. We live about an hour away. I have known her and her family for 6 years – she is the younger sister of my best friend; also a girl.
Hey Dr. Dennis – Hi and thank you for your help! I am single and I have been for 2 years. I’m a 30-year old woman with 2 part-time kids. I am attractive (though somewhat overweight), intelligent and I like to think I'm good company.
Hi Doc! I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I am planning to marry her in 5 years. She fulfills every criterion as my soul mate except one point: sometimes when she is under pressure even the slightest thing can set her off. She goes to the extreme saying hurtful things. She ...
Dear Dennis: There’s this girl that I’ve liked since for 2 years. I've always made small talk with her but I’ve been too afraid to have a serious conversation with her. We recently did a group project together with me, her, and two other guys and she seemed to talk to me a lot more than she did either of them and one of them is fairly good friends with her.
Dear Dr. Neder I am hopelessly in love with a girl I met 3 years ago at a concert. She means the world to me! I’d give up the rest of my life to spend one night with her on a more than friend level. She has a Boyfriend but I truly care for her. I've tried to move on to different girls but I always end up talking to her after the end of the last relationship. She knows how I feel because I’ve told her. We’ve kissed and made-out and it was magic. She tells me if anything would happen between her and her boyfriend that she would come to me. I feel second best but I don’t care.
Hey Doc! First off, I'm 21 and I stay near a pretty small town that’s big enough for a WalMart but the only "mall" in town has maybe 8 stores in it. Yeah, it’s THAT small. I got a girl's number a while back. We've only had maybe two real conversations during the last semester of college: one in person, and the other where we found out we have a lot of the same friends. Even with these few interactions, when I asked for her number over Facebook, she gave it to me.
A few months ago my boyfriend cheated on me. I stayed with him because I saw he was truly sorry. I look back now, and honestly regret not giving him time without me, to see how life would be without me even for a few days. He is starting to act like he doesn’t care as much again. I wish he would ...
Dear Dr. Neder, What's a good way to enter into a sexual relationship so that you don't go too fast or too slow? Sometimes if the guy goes too fast it can be really threatening to the woman (unless she likes it of course.) Hello! This is an excellent question! The key is to not try to ...
Many people complain that they “hate to date”. Are you one of them? If so, it’s very likely that you’re afraid of just having to make “good” conversation. You don’t want it to come off as labored but you don’t want the awkward silences or misunderstandings and miscommunications either. If only early date conversations where easy and natural. Well, they can be, if you only know a few simple rules: Rule #1 – First dates are “interviews”
Hello Dr. Dennis: I know there are lots of books out on the ‘net claiming that you can get your ex back. Do any of these books really work? What if your ex has moved on and is dating someone else? I was dumped out of the blue. I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t work out because he is very immature and insecure and he loved to play mind games. That’s not what I really wanted to be dealing with.
Hello Dr. Dennis, Where can I find a financially stable guy that is willing to commit? I live in New York and I'm 28 years old. My love life completely stinks. I keep getting my heart broken. I've always dated guys who were either commitment-phobic, game players, liars or weren't well established. It really upsets me because I feel like nobody really cared about me. Thanks for your help. Hello! There was a woman who used to give a seminar on, "How to Marry a Millionaire". As you might imagine, it's a very popular seminar.
Do you find it difficult to approach women you don’t know? Most guys do so don’t feel alone. I’m going to give you the three keys that’ll make the cold approach easy, fun and very, very profitable. Key #1 – Practice talking to everyone, everywhere If the only time you try to talk to strangers ...
Doc: I was with my girlfriend for 9 weeks before we split on Christmas day! Everything was perfect we loved each other had talked about holiday and kids and even where we were going to get married and moving in together but the problem I had was I never thought I was good enough for her so I lied to her about my financial position saying I had a lot more money tha I had.
Hi! I’ve been dating this girl for a year now, and she tells me tonight through the phone (long distance relationship) that when I approach her before sex I only approach one way and that’s climbing on top of her. She says I approach her like a horny virgin and I don’t turn her on and she gets frustrated. She doesn’t want to have sex unless she feels like having sex which is not very often. I need to know what I’m doing wrong! I only know one move and after a year I’m only now hearing about this!
Dear Dr. Neder: I’m a senior in high school and there’s this really cute girl in my psych class. I want to find a way to talk to her or get her to notice me or something but I don’t know how. Most stuff online would say to see her outside of class and just walk up and say something like, "Hey aren’t you in psych class?" but I think that just sounds stupid, awkward, and wouldn’t work at this age. I’m not sure if I really even see her in the halls either.
Doc: I have dated girls anywhere from 5'1 to 5'5 inches tall and even had girls 5'6 or 5'8 be attracted to me. The thing is though, I am 5'8 1/2, which isn’t really considered short, but is certainly not tall either. I have a solid, muscular build, am 190lbs, and I was just wondering if most women have a preference of the following: 1. Same height or taller? 2. Three inches taller than themselves 3. Five inches, or, 4. WAY taller. Put simply, no girl has ever complained about my height and I have never been turned down because of it. However, I was just wondering.
Doc: I'm dating this wonderful girl, but we've been going through issues in regards to the "chase" factor. We've already professed love for each other, so it's in a deeper stage than just the chasing phase, but she says of course that she wants to feel like she's still "chasing" me, since she loses interests in guys that are, well, served on a silver platter. How do you keep her feeling as if she's chasing you, even though you're in a deeper relationship already?
So here's the thing, I've been dating this girl for a while now. She's the type that seems like crave attention from other men, so she likes going out to clubs, parties etc. She also likes interacting with men online, flirting and things like that. I can't say I like the way she interacts and conducts herself around other men. I've noticed that she's also territorial. She gets very jealous if she thinks I'm out partying, hanging out with other women, talking to women online etc. Basically if I do anything she does, she'd get jealous. She's pretty much selfish in that sense and admits it.
It started as white lies at first about small things then on to more serious things. She is not a very good liar and exposes herself with inconsistent stories and I’m just about fed up. For instance, she was talking to a few guys before me, and lies about them not calling her. There are a more ...
Doctor: I am what I thought was the best-possible relationship but now wonder what happened. I have been with this man for 1 1/2 years. He has been separated from the mother of his two children (never married to her) now for 2 years, yet she continues to be very present in our relationship. ...
Dr Neder, I read on a website that you try to answer your email and I'm begging for some of your expert advice please. I am in serous need of some help because a girl I had really strong feelings for and with whom I've had a very close relationship and I have just had a crisis. About 1 1/2 ...
Hi Doc, I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now and we're both 18. She told me last night that she had cheated on me while on holiday recently. She said a guy kissed her, while she was drunk, and she only realized after a few seconds what was happening and stopped it. I ...
Hey Doc: I've had a few girlfriends in the past and have no problems with experience. I don’t think I’m God's gift to women, but I’m not particularly ugly either. I've fallen for a neighbor girl. I'm not shy to talk to her, but she's just perfect. She's a very nice person, but thinks quite a ...
Dear Dennis: The girls that give sex up front are getting all the guys, but they don't seem to keep them for long. Guys view them as a fuck buddy type thing but not for a real relationship. The women who wait a bit to give out sex live most of their lives lonely, but end up marrying the guy at ...
Do you know a sexy, strong woman at your place of work? Perhaps she’s a manager or business owner. Maybe she’s a salesperson that works with your company or she represents a vendor. Do you want to know a little secret about her? She’s very likely demure and submissive in the bedroom! What’s ...
I am in a serious relationship with this girl, and we are seriously contemplating getting engaged in the future. However, we often get stuck on one issue: her ex-boyfriends. She keeps in touch with several. She has always been very honest with me about them, but it is obvious that she is very ...
Hi Doc: I guess my situation is common but let me ask what you think any way. I am a 42 year old woman that has been dating a 50 year old man for 4 years now, we have been living together for 2 years now and we’re both divorced. When we met I was very clear what I wanted and he seemed ...
Dear Doc: I've known this girl for about a year now and I like her a lot. To cut a long story short, I've lost her twice now because of my lack of confidence which stops her from seeing me as more than a friend. She knows I'm interested and we almost had something but I pushed her away because of my fear of being inexperienced with women and messing up. Now more than ever I want to put aside my fears and try to be with her but I get stuck. I know the way she sees me changes a lot.
Hi Dennis! I like this girl but she says she’s not ready for a serious relationship right now and wants to be by herself for a while. I’m respecting that and just being her friend right now. I want to really enjoy my youth as much as I can and I don’t want anything serious with anyone but her ...
Let’s say that you’ve dated a girl a few times and all of a sudden, she stops picking up the phone or returning your calls when she was very responsive before. What do you do? First, you stop pouting and sitting by the phone trying to will her to call by sending your aura through the telephone ...
Hi Dr. Neder: My problem is that I don’t want to play the dating game and I don’t know how to avoid it. I’m not interested in the type of relationship that’s a sort of fragile peace treaty after a war of conquest. When I consider what’s involved in the dating ...
You’re a nice guy or nice girl. You have morals and ethics. You want to do everything above-board and you play by the rules. The problem is, you’re getting nowhere with your dating/sex/relationship life! You look around you and see guys and girls that seem to be bending (or breaking) the rules and wonder if you could do that. Then, your own sense of justice kicks in and you go right back to being lonely and hoping that someone, somewhere will find you, see what you have to offer (without all the game-playing) and will fall in love with you.
Dear Doc: I like this girl at work. Our work is not related but we work in the same office. She is 12 years younger than me and I hold a senior position. Knowing all the stuff about sexual harassment all I did for the last 7-8 months was just look at her. She would look back and we would just ...
Hey Doc, I have a question: why are women attracted to men (and not to each other)? I know what attracts me to women, women are beautiful and soft but I wonder what’s in women's brains that make them see men as more attractive than women? I can’t imagine my self kissing another man but why ...
Doctor Neder: I am in a serious relationship of almost a year. We have one major problem that continues to come up. When we were first dating, we'd been out maybe a dozen times and slept together maybe 6 times, had no conversations about being exclusive and at a party I was intimate with ...
Dr. Dennis: What are some signs that a man is "marriage material" and that a woman should definitely consider pursuing him seriously?nn=================== Hello! One of the best signs is to check the ring finger of his left hand (at least here in the States); if there's a wedding band there, ...