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Browse published articles attributed to Jenny Shih, with full-archive search.
I recently left my full-time corporate job to follow my heart and join the ranks of the self-employed, turning my coaching practice into a full-time venture. During my final weeks in the office, I remembered how important it is to truly connect with other people. As word got around that I was leaving the company, many coworkers asked about my future plans. What was I going to do?
It’s so easy to get caught up in daily life that we often go through it without thinking. I find this rather funny. So much of life can just run on auto-pilot. When our lives are running on auto-pilot, where’s our mind? When I began to pay attention to what was going through my mind, I was fascinated... and a little freaked out. I noticed that when I felt anxious, I was thinking some terrible, nasty thoughts.
Whether or not you realize it, you have a lizard that lives inside your brain and rules your world. The most primitive part of our brain is called the amygdala. We share this part of our brain with our lizard pals. The amygdala broadcasts survival-related fears to keep lizards alive in the world. These survival-related fears fall into two categories: lack and attack. A lizard’s lack fears help him ensure he’ll search for food if it seems to be in short supply.
If I told you to go out and try something new and mess it up, could you? When I first heard that suggestion, I cringed. I grew up as a perfectionist, and messing something up did not fit into my view of the world. When we want to make changes in our lives, we need to try new things. Trying new things means that we might mess it up as we figure it out. Going into business for myself, I have been slowly learning how to do something and mess it up. I will be honest with you: some days it's hard to stomach.
The holidays are among us. Thanksgiving causes some families to briefly ponder those things for which they are grateful. Then they dig into their food, stuff themselves silly, and watch football for the rest of the day. Ahhh ... America. What about the rest of the holiday season? I find it to be the perfect time to continue to focus on the best things in my life. As the world economy continues to slide, the fear among us seems to rise. Fear of losing our jobs, losing our homes, not finding work, losing our retirement savings, losing our businesses.
Do you have any unwanted patterns in your life? You know, those rituals, cycles, routines, and habits that you wish you could break? Here’s one way to start making some changes. Identify your unwanted pattern. Then ask yourself, “What is my payoff for keeping this pattern going?” By identifying your payoff, you can see what it is you’re avoiding. For me, I can easily keep myself too busy. My payoff for staying too busy is that I don’t have to check in and see if I’m happy.
... but it does. I hear this from clients: “Grrr. I’m so mad at her. I can’t believe she did that! She does this all the time. Why do I let it get to me so much?!” Or something along those lines anyway. Sound familiar? I’m sure you can think of a time where (1) you were frustrated with someone about something and (2) you were also frustrated with yourself for being irritated in the first place. I know it happened to me a few times just last week! Recall the last time you were irritated about being irritated.
We’re having absolutely fabulous weather here in Corvallis, Oregon. As I type this, it’s sunny and headed toward the mid-50s. I had a delightful morning run. The sun is now streaming in my office window and I can feel the fresh air blowing in. I love it. • Except when I start future-thinking. I fret about the winter we didn’t have. Will it come in March or April? Will it kill all of the buds on the trees? Will this create problems for the local farmers? What about the summer? Will it be crazy-hot? Will there be a lot of fires?
Some interpersonal dynamics can also be undesirable patterns, and they can be tricky to change. Here’s one way to look at it. Imagine this: You and your partner are dancing the waltz. The music is the same as always--the distinctive one-two-three rhythm your body knows so well. You know each other’s steps, movements, and subtleties. You know when you’re going to dip or twirl before it even happens. But you’re sick and tired of the waltz. You dance it because that’s what you’ve always done. It’s what your parents did, so you do the same.
Setting clearly defined goals is a great way to make big strides in life. Whether it’s a new year’s resolution or a mid-year tune-up, goals focus our attention and energy to help us achieve what we want in life. Sometimes people set goals that get them excited at first, then feel daunting a few days later. I always say: “Start simple!” An easier way to achieve big goals is to start by shrinking the goal down into something ridiculously easy to achieve and accomplish that first. Then pick a second ridiculously easy goal and accomplish it.
Life offers few guarantees. Some days I wish I had a sure-fire plan to make my life turn out exactly as I want. I bet you have those days, too. Wouldn’t a guarantee on everything be great? Perfect boss. Dream house. Well-behaved children. Steady income. Luxurious vacations. It would be so easy if they were just guaranteed, wouldn’t it? Think about it for a moment. If you were six years old and learning addition and you were guaranteed a perfect score on your test, would you keep studying? Some of you may, but not everyone would.
My 2010 New Year’s resolution is an internal one, one that will help me me be the person I want to be on the inside (the only side that really matters). It is the opposite of the typical lose weight, exercise more, do a crossword puzzle every day sort of resolution.
Do you ever say, “Once I get or do [this thing], then I’ll take a break,” or something like that? This is a common theme for me. I had a long list of deadlines for last week, and I saw that I was putting off taking a break until they were done. When I made it through the list, the realization hit me that I was done. I took a few deep breaths, then I looked for the next thing to do. Then I stopped myself. I noticed my accomplishments.
Is there some area of your life that could stand a little more organization, structure, or system to make it flow more easily? Are you stumped or intimidated when you think about doing something about it? Over the past few months I’ve helped many clients create structures and systems for their lives and businesses. It’s perfect for the non-system-y people. Creatives. Right-brainers. Fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants kind of folk. And it’s been fun, too. I’ve found five key questions to help my clients create the structure that works for them.
If you have a mission in life, I bet you have days where you’re thrilled to be serving the greater good and days when you’re not sure you’re going to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. We’re bound to encounter obstacles that slow us down or make us feel like we can’t get where we want to go. Every new challenge is a chance to learn something new about why we’re here and how we can serve the world. Growing through challenges Hard work, negativity from others, and waves of doubt are things we will encounter on our journey.
It seems like everyone is far too busy. Too many things going on, places to be, details to remember, things to do. When we are busy to the point of exhaustion, we lose touch with who we are and what is important to us. We are on automatic pilot and don’t have time to think about what we want or what would make us happy. We just go-go-go onto the next thing without another thought. Are you wondering if this busyness is “normal,” or if things are too complicated in your life?
I had a great realization the other day, thanks to one of my friends. There will always be too much to do. This may sound like a funny realization, but it completely changed my perspective. I was fretting about my to-do list, which was growing faster tha I was tackling it. I also had plenty of things I wanted to do that I was too afraid to write down, fearful of making my list even longer. I was feeling quite overwhelmed! For some reason, I thought that when I left my corporate job to coach full-time, I would have excess time on my hands.
How do you feel on Mondays? Does your day begin with dread, overwhelm and heaviness? Or does your Monday start with excitement, enthusiasm and eage ess? I will not deny that some people face tough work environments, challenging coworkers, and frustrating projects. You could likely find a roomful of people to commiserate with you about any difficult work situation. Does commiseration make you feel any better? In my experience, commiseration made work feel worse. When you focus on the challenging and frustrating aspects of your day, you will likely encounter more of the same.
Do you have a resolution for 2010? Now that we’re half-way through February, how’s your resolution going? My two 2010 resolutions are “listen” and “allow.” For me, resolutions are not about a hard, fast, painful commitment to change. Rather, they are like a light that shines on my life to help me find a new way. I’ve noticed a few slip-ups on my resolution, yet I believe it’s perfect.
Distractions are a part of life, and struggling is totally human. When we’re struggling with something, we often seek distraction to avoid sitting amidst the frustration. In moderation, distractions can keep us from burning out. However, allowing distractions in for too long stops us from reaching our goals. I was recently working with a client I’ll call Janet. She’s a business owner.
Have you ever been on a little rant, threw a tantrum, or had a fit? That’s a silly question. Of course you have, even if it was just inside your own head. How about this: Do you remember the last time you were on a little rant, threw a tantrum, or had a fit? Pull it up in your mind for a moment. When was it? What were you ranting or whining about? Who did you affect while you were in that mood?
What in your life isn’t exactly as you’d like it to be? Do you want to make a change but aren’t sure where to begin? Whatever your challenge, the first step is to imagine the future you desire. Pinpoint the problem. Your job is eating at your soul. You want to live a life that feels purposeful. Your email Inbox is overflowing and heart attack-inducing. You fumble through the paperwork for each new client. Design your desired future. Let your imagination run wild.
I love talking with clients about having a career doing something they love. They get excited, their energy goes up, they smile, and they feel good. They light up. Then they say, “But I could never really do that.” The energy and the excitement and the smile quickly fade. They sound forlorn, depressed, and tired. We love to dream about the possibilities, and then we scare ourselves off, fearful of life’s practicalities. There are lists of excuses people make about not being able to have a career they love. It could be money, time, effort, health insurance, whatever.