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Articles by Margaret Paul

Browse published articles attributed to Margaret Paul, with full-archive search.

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Showing 401–450

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

*** Avoiding Emotional Pain Causes Emotional Pain

We all learned many ways of avoiding pain as we were growing up, but what once seemed to protect us against pain is now actually causing our pain. We all had to learn many ways of avoiding emotional pain as we were growing up, because we could not have survived the pain of childhood without these protective strategies - which eventually became habitual. The problem is that what once protected us against pain is now causing much of our emotional pain.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,444 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***When You Are Being Nice, Are You Loving Or Controlling?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. March 21, 2016 ________________________________________ There can be a big difference in intent between being nice and being loving. Being nice might be manipulative, while being loving means being authentic. ________________________________________ Our society has long trained children to be "nice." Being nice might mean • Telling white lies so as not to hurt another's feelings, such as agreeing with them when you really disagree. • Listening politely when someone is going on and on, even when you are so bored you can hardly stand it.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,441 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Why Do I Attach To An Unavailable Person?"

Are you addicted to trying to get love from unavailable, unloving people? Have you found yourself repeatedly 'falling in love' with an unavailable person? Have you wondered why you keep doing this? This is the questio Wanda asked: "What about our wounded self causes us to attach so fiercely to an unloving/unavailable person?" There are two primary causes:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,436 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Help! I don’t Want To Be Like My Family!

Alexia asked: “My mother and my grandmother and most of the people I learned life from, never loved themselves. I know I don't want to be like them but the reality is I am! I have changed but not as much as I want. Can you please teach me how to fix this suffering from my wounded self?” I completely understand how much Alexia wants to be different than her mother and her grandmother. Years ago, I was suffering exactly as she is. My Life Before Inner Bonding

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,431 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Why Complain?

Are you a complainer? Are you ready to do something different? "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou Do you complain? If you do, why?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,425 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Connection: Our Deepest Desire

________________________________________ We all deeply desire connection with others, but what is necessary for us to have this? ________________________________________ When we were born, the most important thing to us was connection with our mother. We needed connection with her body for adequate sustenance. We needed emotional connection with her, or with someone, to feel safe, and to develop the ability to regulate our feelings. Connection with someone was essential to our physical survival and our emotional well being.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,422 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***What Prevents You From Loving Yourself?

In your daily life, are you guided by fear or by love? What are the fears that block being loving to yourself and others? How often is the question, "What is loving to myself and others - what is in my highest good and the highest good of another?" the question that guides your actions? Is there something in the way of you asking this question? What is the fear that gets in the way of loving yourself?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,419 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Resisting Happiness

Are you stuck in misery? Do you resist taking responsibility for making yourself happy? Discover a possible cause of this. One of the issues I frequently encounter with my clients is the following: Sasha is in a long-term, on-again, off-again, relationship with Fabio. When Sasha is taking loving care of herself, the relationship goes well, but as soon as she makes Fabio responsible for her feelings, Fabio goes into resistance and their relationship goes into turmoil.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,410 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Can You Emotionally Connect With Your Family Of Origin?

By Margaret Paul, PhDr October 31, 2016 Do you have major challenges in emotionally connecting with your family of origin? You are not alone! Are you happy with your family of origin? Can you emotionally connect with your family? If you can, you are fortunate indeed. Many people feel that if their family wasn't their family, they wouldn't spend time with them, because they feel no emotional connection with them.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,404 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Challenge of Conflict

Do you try to control during conflict, or are you conflict avoidant? Neither works well to resolve conflict. Discover what does work!

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,403 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Fear of Being Duped

________________________________________ Is being duped something you avoid at all costs, or are you willing to be duped in order to keep your heart open? ________________________________________ No one likes being duped. It feels awful to realize that someone has pulled the wool over our eyes – that we were so naïve we didn’t see that we were being duped, lied to or taken advantage of.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,394 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***How To Forgive

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. June 06, 2016 Do you want to forgive yourself or someone else, but you just can't seem to get there? Learn how to forgive in this article. _____________________________________________________________________________ It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. ~Maya Angelou Forgiveness IS one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, but how do we genuinely get there?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,391 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"I Want To Open But I'm Scared of Getting Hurt."

Are you afraid to open your heart to love, for fear of getting hurt? Learn how to lovingly manage the hurt. Is it possible to fully love without getting hurt? The answer is unequivocally NO!

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,387 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***How Can I Get My Partner To Change?

Discover the things you might need to change in yourself in order to have a chance at creating change in your partner and in your relationship. ________________________________________ How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - how much of your thinking time is spent on what to say to your partner to get him or her to be the way you want?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,385 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***How To Trust Again

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. August 29, 2016 Learning how to trust again is a process, not an event, and it take both inner and relationship work. I received the following question about how to trust again:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,384 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Managing Challenging Families

Sometimes the most loving act, both for yourself and for others, is to disengage from an abusive family relationship. This can eventually lead to some healing. We all know that families can be very challenging!

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,384 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The High Cost of Physical Self-Abandonment

If you are not conce ed with your physical self-care, have you ever considered the high cost to those around you? I was sitting in the airport at my gate in Chicago, on my way home from the East Coast, having just completed a wonderful Inner Bonding weekend workshop at Kripalu in Lenox, MA. A very obese woman, who was obviously not at all well, sat down across from me, and was then attended to by another woman and by her husband, who was also not well.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,384 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"It's Not Fair!"

________________________________________ Do you continue to believe, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, that life should be fair? Discover a new way of looking at fai ess. ________________________________________ "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." - Dennis Wholey "It's not fair!" yells eight-year old Calvin when his six-year old sister gets a bigger piece of pie.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,383 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Way to Happiness

Are you ready to discover the way to happiness? Are you ready to discover what Epictetus knew over 2000 years ago? "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." ~Epictetus, AD 55-135

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,375 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Can I Change A Narcissist?

________________________________________ Sometimes we are clueless regarding the subtle ways we are trying to control, while being very aware of a partner's controlling behavior. ________________________________________ Tara asked me the following question:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,374 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Trusting Others Starts With Self-Trust

_______________________________________________________ We want to be able to trust others to be honest and reliable. Yet are you honest and reliable with yourself? Do you trust your own inner knowing? You will not be able to trust others until you are trustworthy with yourself. _______________________________________________________ "I have a hard time trusting people." "I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife)."

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,374 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Challenges of The Dating Scene

Dating provides many opportunities to learn and grow. Discover some of what you can learn that will be very valuable for you. Franklin writes:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,369 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Managing The Pain of Breakups

Do you know how to lovingly manage and heal the loneliness and heartbreak of a breakup? Breakups are challenging for most of us. However, on top of the heartbreak and grief of a breakup, we often make it worse by the things we say to ourselves. What are some of the things you tell yourself during a breakup that may be adding to the pain?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,369 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***You Want A Relationship, But Are You Emotionally Unavailable?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. March 28, 2016 ________________________________________ Do you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people or are you stuck in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person? ________________________________________ Do you believe that you are fully available for a relationship and that you have just not met the right person? Or, do you find yourself in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable or isn't in love with you, and you're convinced you are available for the relationship?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,369 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Kind at the Beginning…Critical Later. Why?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 11, 2016 ________________________________________ Have you been mystified when someone who has appeared to be very kind and caring suddenly becomes blaming, critical, or just disappears? ________________________________________ How often have you had the experience of feeling someone's kindness, only to feel deeply criticized as the relationship progressed? This was Leslie's experience and she is struggling with whether or not it was her fault:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,368 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Greatest Joy in Life

_______________________________________________________ There are many experiences that create momentary happiness, but there is only one experience that is truly the greatest joy in life. _______________________________________________________ Take a moment to think about what you believe is the greatest joy in life.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,364 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships?

Many people confuse boundaries - which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others. Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: "I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn't speak to me that way any more."

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,363 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Do You Know How To Love?

________________________________________ Love is not something that can be described – it needs to be experienced, and when you experience it through loving yourself, you will know how to love. ________________________________________ We read many things about what love is and what it isn't to help us understand love. But love is not something we can understand from our mind. Until we experience it, we don't actually know what it is or how to experience it in our lives. Is it love when a parent allows a baby to cry and cry, to get them on a schedule or get them to sleep? No!

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,359 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Shyness

________________________________________ Are you shy? Is your shyness getting in the way of your connection with others? ________________________________________ Have you struggled with being a shy person? Lily asks: "I try hard to overcome my shyness and reluctance to stand out, speak up and shine. It's a daily struggle for me. I make small progress, but can be easily derailed by a forceful personality. I know this comes from my overbearing, controlling father and meek mother. I want to shed the old hurts and stop being so timid. What do you suggest?"

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,358 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

A Major Cause of Emotional Suffering

Is there one thing that is the primary cause of emotional suffering? Yes! Discover the one choice that underlies your emotional suffering. Is it possible that there is one major cause of emotional pain and suffering? Yes! The major cause of suffering is UNKINDNESS - to yourself and to others. Let's take a look at why unkindness causes most of the pain in the world.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,358 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

*** If You Learn To Love Yourself, Will You End Up Alone?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. October 03, 2016 If you learn to love yourself and you become happy and whole, will you end up alone? Will a partner want you if you are not needy? I had been working with Kathleen for a few months when we had the following discussion: KATHLEEN: I know that the Inner Bonding process really works to learn to love myself. It's really helpful to me when I do it, but I find myself being very resistant to doing it, and I don't know why. MARGARET: There must be a very good reason. What are you afraid will happen if you learn to love yourself?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,357 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Do You Put Pressure on Yourself?

______________________________________ Pressuring yourself might be causing resistance, stress, anxiety, physical pain, insomnia and even illness. ________________________________________ How many of you put a lot of pressure on yourself? How often do you feel anxious because of this pressure? How often do you have trouble sleeping because you feel so pressured?r

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,356 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Foundation for Abundance

________________________________________ Are you aware of the vast difference between expressing gratitude from your ego wounded self or from your loving adult self? ________________________________________ "Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance."~Eckhart Tolle, Author of The Power of Now How often do you feel genuinely grateful for what you have in your life? There is a big difference between acting grateful and feeling genuine gratitude in your heart.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,355 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

*** Loving Yourself Through Heartbreak and Grief

By Margaret Paul, PhDr December 05, 2016 ________________________________________ Learn how to love yourself through heartbreak and grief, rather than continue to abandon yourself in ways that are hurting you. ________________________________________ Take a moment right now to remember times growing up that were very painful. Very painful situations might have been: • The loss of a parent, sibling, good friend, grandparent or someone else very close to you • Emotional abuse – yelling, name-calling, criticism and judgment

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,349 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***How Do I Stop Sabotaging Myself?

Discover why you may be sabotaging and punishing yourself with your self-judgment and self-rejection. Would you love to manifest your dreams and have the life you want? Most people would unhesitatingly respond with a resounding "YES!" Yet, do you sometimes find yourself sabotaging yourself in achieving this? Georgette finds herself in this position and wants to know how to stop.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,349 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Whose Feelings Are You Responsible For - Yours or Others?

Do you believe you are responsible for causing others' anger, hurt, sadness or anxiety? Is this causing you to feel guilty? "My wife is so upset that I have to travel more on my new job," Chuck told me in our phone counseling session. "She feels so alone and lost when I'm gone. When I talk with her she is either crying or angry. I feel so badly and guilty but I don't know what to do." "Do you feel responsible for her feelings?" I asked him. "Do you feel that you are the cause of her feelings?" "Yes." * * * * *

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,337 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"How Do I Deal With My Critical Mother?"

________________________________________ Dealing with critical people, especially a parent, is a challenge for all of us. Here are some options for dealing with a critical mother. ________________________________________ Having a critical mother is a big challenge. I know, because I grew up with an extremely critical mother. I can certainly relate to Lori, who asked the follow question:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,336 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Each Act Of Loving Yourself Is Healing To Our Planet

When I was four years old, I had one of those snapshot moments that is clearly embedded into my brain. I was outside by our duplex – at that time kids were safe outside alone - and there were three boys poking a snail with a stick so they could watch it writhe. I was stunned that they could do this, because I was feeling the fear of the snail. At that time I didn't know that I was an empath and could feel the feelings of people, animals and even the planet, and that many others couldn't.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,336 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***I Fall Too Hard In Love

________________________________________ Do you find yourself getting hurt over and over in relationships? Discover why. ________________________________________ Do you find yourself falling hard for someone and then ending up feeling rejected and not good enough when it ends? This is the problem that Sabrina is having: "Why do I fall so hard for men? How can I get over this without pain and the feelings of dreadful rejections and feeling less than?"

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,334 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"Why Do I Seem to Attract Rejection?"

________________________________________ Are you perplexed regarding why you so often feel rejected by others? ________________________________________ Alana asked me the following question: "My whole life I have felt that I don't fit in with others - in my family, school, work - and while I have a pleasant, friendly demeanor, I also have an underlying self-consciousness, and end up attracting rejection. Aside from my children and pets, I'm quite alone...and lonely! How do I tackle this dynamic? Many thanks!" Alana, there are a number of issues here that need attention.r

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,331 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Loving Yourself When You Feel Rejected

By Margaret Paul, PhDr November 22, 2016 Do you know how love yourself when you feel rejected? Start learning how now! What do you generally do when you feel rejected? If you're like most people, you either try to control the rejecting person, or you take it out on yourself with various avoidant and controlling behaviors. When you try to control the other person, do you try to control by: * Getting angry, defending, complaining, blaming? * People-pleasing, complying, giving yourself up? * Shutting down, withdrawing? * Threatening violence or exposure?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,327 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Relationship Advice: Resolving Conflict When Someone Is Closed

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. April 04, 2016 ________________________________________ Learn how to resolve conflict when your partner or another person isn't available for mutual conflict resolution. ________________________________________

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,327 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Fear of Being Excluded

By Margaret Paul, Ph. D. February 01, 2016 ___________________________________________________________ You CAN heal a fear of being excluded and rejected! ___________________________________________________________ Many of us grew up experiencing, in one way or another, the pain of being excluded. Perhaps you felt excluded at home – by parents or siblings, or with friendships at school or outside of school. As a child, being excluded is deeply crushing. Children don’t have the ability to not take things personally, so being excluded likely contributes to our shame and insecurity.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,326 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***When You Reach for Help, Are You Loving or Abandoning Yourself?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 25, 2016 ________________________________________ Discover the big difference between reaching out as your loving adult or as your wounded self. ________________________________________ Dorothy asked an important question: "What is the difference between turning to someone and handing my little girl over to them?" The difference is in your intent. Loving Yourself

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,324 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Are You Addicted to the Internet?

________________________________________ Do you get addictively stuck on the Internet and can't seem to find your way out? ________________________________________ Our society provides many ways we can avoid our feelings addictively. Many people today are addicted to being on the Internet as one way of avoiding feeling an underlying pain that they believe they cannot manage feeling. Cheryl asked:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,322 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Relationships: Loving Yourself by Taking The Sacred Pause

All of us have 'triggers' that set off our fear or anxiety and may lead to our reactivity - anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, compliance or resistance. We are especially triggered in our important relationships. Take a moment right now to think about what, in your relationships, triggers you into your fear or anxiety. Are you triggered by:rn-Another's anger, annoyance, criticism, judgment or rejection?rn-Another's withdrawal or resistance?rn-Another's unhappiness, whining or complaining?rn-A partner leaving on a trip?rn-A partner coming home late and not calling?r

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,322 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

How Often Are You Aware Of Your Intent?

Learn to practice awareness of intent, to move out of your painful feelings and into your inner peace. Those of you who have been practicing Inner Bonding know that the basis of the Inner Bonding process is the intent to learn about loving yourself and others.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,318 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"How Can I Manage Overwhelm?"

________________________________________ Do you often feel overwhelmed with demands, tasks and life in general? ________________________________________ Most of us lead very busy lives and it is easy to become overwhelmed with all we need to do. In addition, about 15% to 20% of us are born with highly sensitive nervous systems that are far more reactive to having a lot to do than the general population.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,314 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Are You a Real Friend?

________________________________________ Do you have good friends? Are you a good friend – both with yourself and with others? ________________________________________ "A real friend is one who helps us to think our noblest thoughts, put forth our best efforts, and be our best selves." ~Anonymous What kind of friend are you? Below are some of the things good friends do. Do you: • Listen with caring and attention? • Support what brings your friend joy? • Have the courage to speak your truth when you see your friend harming herself or himself?r

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,312 views

By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"How Can I Get Him To Stop Hurting Me?"

________________________________________ Are you aware of the system you have created with your partner that may be causing you pain? ________________________________________

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,308 views

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