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Browse published articles attributed to Michael Mantell, with full-archive search.
OK, before you go all holier than thou critical, or laugh so hard you can’t pay attention to this content of this article, here’s what being “All FFF’d Up” means when it comes to the secret sauce of being fit. It means if you are going to stick to a fitness program, you need to have Fun, include Friends and be Focused. C’mon, what’d you think I meant?
Ever travel with children or those needing assistance? Then you are quite familiar with the instructions flight attendants give passengers to put the mask on yourself first before helping others. Makes sense right? Perhaps Lama Yeshe said it best, “Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” After all, how can you help others if you aren’t in the best shape to fully do so? That’s why the mask has to go on you first—the airlines aren’t pushing self-compassion, they are insuring safety for all involved, including yourself. That’s self-compassion.r
Dr. Michael Mantell often quotes George Lucas' famous observation, “You can’t do it unless you imagine it.” This applies to elite amateur and professional athletes, CEO’s, high school seniors applying to college, couples on dates, and me writing this article. In fact, it’s a universal inbo power-tool for all successful endeavors.
“Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must,” counseled Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. But what’s with the “must”, JW? When “must” we “endure”? By the time you finish this column, you’ll realize you don’t need to ever endure life, but rather you can find enjoyment in every moment of it—even when the bills are high, the rent is due, the job is floundering, the family is facing some difficulties and the doctor has some not so welcome news.
We’ve all heard about road rage. But, have you heard about the latest area for people to dump their anger? Desk rage. Well, maybe it’s not really the latest. I wrote a book about violence in the workplace in 1994, “Ticking Bombs: Defusing Violence in the Workplace”. Same disease, now a new hipper name.
When it comes to your health, self-care, relationships, your happiness and wellbeing, there’s only one thing that drives it all – yes, the link is what you think. Try to imagine an emotion – happiness, sadness, worry, calm, fear, anger, love – without a thought first creating it. It can’t be done. Every emotion you have first begins in your head.
When Dr. Michael Mantell began a recent speeck quoting President John F. Kennedy who said, “So let us begin anew—remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness and sincerity is always subject to proof" little did he realize he'd touch the life of a mom in the audience. "Dr. Mantell, my kids are learning the worst behavior imaginable from Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Ted Cruz, and the disgusting media who drools as they continue to scream headlines that I wouldn't have repeated when I was a child without getting slapped in the face."
A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about my WAM program for personal success, what about me? I wrote about three steps to “me,” self-compassion, including 1) welcoming yourself as a friend, 2) Acknowledging your strengths and successes, and recognizing that, 3) Mindfulness promotes it all. Now it’s time to complete this brief life success plan and turn to WAY, what about you? What about the others in your life?
Dr. Michael Mantell coaches people to stir their healing power in the medicine of laughter and play. Living with stress, feeling uptight, being worried, not sleeping, and thinking limiting thoughts, kill the joy in your life—as well as your health and wellbeing.
Miley Cyrus who believes Donald Trump is a “F—king nightmare,” has said she’d “move out da country” if Trump wins. But wait there’s more. Far more. And in an age of positive psychology, meditation, gratitude jou aling, “Namasta-ing” each other, and of course the multitude of mindfulness practices in schools and the workplace, what up with that?r
Righteous indignation. Proving your point. Being right. Holding On. Never letting go. Beating a dead horse. Having to win. Always coming out on top. Having to have the last word. Sound familiar? Then this column is surely for you. I believe that peace is the single greatest good. Peace. You know that tranquil, serene, quiet sense of contentment…that always seems to escape you? Peace. Why is it that so many people seem to have amicable, agreeable, easygoing, friendly relationships…except for you? Peace. That still, accommodating, conciliatory, relaxed feeling…that you never seem to have.
“Dr. Mantell, it seems that ‘being authentic’ is the hottest topic in self-improvement. Is that true?” If 119,000,000 hits on Google means something is hot, then yes, authenticity - in our age of inauthenticity - is hot. Just what does being authentic mean? Where does this originate? Descartes suggested that authenticity meant following a moral inner voice, anchored in thinking and acting responsibly. Other philosophers, of course, suggest other, more exte al, sources of authenticity.
Sure, you may be thinking that word might be “hate,” “poverty,” “illness,” or “death.” No, these words are mild compared to the life-sucking, contentment-robbing, depression-boosting, anxiety-causing and anger-building word I’m thinking of. That word is “should.” In the wonderful words of my mentor and teacher, Albert Ellis, Ph.D., “Should-hood leads to shit-hood.” He also observed, “It’s far better to masturbate tha MUSTurbate.” Yes, he was a straight talking guy. It appears that of all the thoughts people hold onto, the most harmful ideas are that:r
You’ve read the screaming, deceitful, headlines about getting ripped abs. “6 Ways to Get Ripped 6-Pack Abs!” “How to Get Ripped Abs in Just One Month,” “Do This One Thing to Get Six-Pack Ripped Abs,” “Scientists in China have discovered a revolutionary shortcut to six pack abs” and so on. The “strip off belly fat” headlines on current magazines covers are no better. “Strip Off Belly Fat Ove ight,” “Strip that Fat Today!” and “How to Strip Off Fat Without Counting Calories in One Week” exemplify this genre of foolishness. So does the “Magnet Fat Reducing Ring.” Ackkkkkkkk.
Dr. Michael Mantell is fond of saying, "what you feed, you grow." When it comes to health, longevity, successful social connections and long-term loving relationships, personal and communal wellbeing, even physical fitness and finances, leading-edge transformational coaches know that optimistic, positive seeds are the no-longer-secret predictive ingredients to living life optimally. As I’ve taught in my coaching for years, “the link is what you think.”
One of the "hats" I wear now that I'm fully retired from clinical practice as a psychologist for the past couple of years, is Director of Transformational Behavior Coaching for the Premier Fitness Camp, http://www.premierfitnesscamp.com/America's top-rated optimal health, weight management and mindful retreat located at the nation's #1 Wellness Spa at Omni La Costa.
Maybe it’s just me. But lately, I’ve run into far too many people who I would best describe as “life-diminishing.” They are filled with judgments, criticisms, and negativity. They are quick to tell others what they must do, what they must refrain from doing, what they should and shouldn’t do, what’s good and not good for them, what is right and what is wrong. As if they know. And besides, who asked them in the first place? Why are they so worried about what others are doing? Maybe it’d be better if they worried about why they worried so much about what others were doing!r
How many times have you heard someone say something truly judgmental, obnoxious, hurtful, sarcastic or otherwise inappropriate only to be followed by a “Oh, I was only kidding.” There may also be a, “C’mon can’t you take a joke?” “I didn’t mean it.” Here’s a simple fact: They weren’t kidding. Here’s another simple fact: They weren’t joking. And here’s yet another simple fact: They did mean it.r
My family owned shoe stores in Newark, N.J., when I was growing up. I worked in their stores from the time I was seven years old. One day, my grandfather brought me outside to teach me an important lesson. He pointed out the competitor down the street and told me to observe what he was doing. The man didn’t seem to be doing anything much, other than standing in front of his store for quite awhile watching the people come into our family’s store and walking out with bags of shoes.
Yes, I'm the same Michael Mantell who promotes “the link is what you think” and who believes, OK, thinks, that every emotion we ever have, ever, is first conceived and then anchored in the way we think. It's ALL in your head. Simply put, you not only won’t - but actually can’t- ever have an emotion unless you first think about an event, person, place or situation in a way that creates that emotion. Think otherwise? Try it. See? The link IS what you think!
In 1988 when I wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: PS It’s All Small Stuff,” little did I know that a number of years later my book would go into three printings, have an audio version, be celebrated and awarded wonderful titles like “Good Morning America’s” "Hot Pick" and “Publishers Weekly Magazine’s” "Listen Up Award: Best Audio of 1996.” I also didn’t anticipate the controversy. Ahhh, yes the controversy. I didn’t sweat it.
Want to get active and healthy while also improving your romantic life? That’s right. The two go hand in hand. If you are conce ed about your spouse’s/partner’s health, his/her weight or activity level, here’s a method for you to be a good role model for health, have some healthy fun with each other, and build a closer relationship--all at the same time.
It took quite awhile to earn that degree, to go on for graduate studies, to land that impressive job. And somehow, it’s still leaving you with thoughts of defeat, of fear and worry.
Vote after informal vote, I was in the top five. But when the official decision of who was going to move ahead from the Master’s degree program to the doctoral program, I was reminded of my mother’s words, “Michael, when one door closes another opens.”
Ever notice how many diet books there are? That’s because DIEts don’t commonly work. Think about it. How many people do you know who have DIEted and actually maintained their weight loss? Only 3% to 5% of DIEters who lose weight maintain significant weight loss. Doesn’t sound too good to me, especially with what DIEting can do to, not for, your health. DIEting can lead to binge eating, overeating, chaotic eating patterns, and can teach you to ignore internal signals of hunger and lead you to be out of touch with your body’s natural hunger and satiations signals.
The self-help blogs and media are filled with useful information about positive psychology, becoming your best self, leading the good life, and the value and benefits of being optimistic, positive and hopeful.
Of course that’s a provocative title. After all, we live in America where we have become anesthetized into believing that we must be ever so careful to avoid holding anyone accountable, answerable or responsible. Rather we prefer to blame a lack of self-esteem, a “bad” childhood, traumatic experiences or disease for our difficulties and life’s challenges.r
A client recently bought an expensive new car. He hasn't been the same since. He's been ranting about how expensive it is, how he shouldn't have spent so much, and on and on. I asked him about what type of options he put into it and he angrily spewed, "A - - - king navi system."
There is no such thing as stress. Got that? Good. Then why are you wasting so much of your time with “stress management” programs, lectures, coaches, books, articles and websites? Could it be because you really don’t believe that there’s no such thing as stress? Oh, I know it’s a cottage industry from psychiatry to business consultants, from prescription medication to over the counter supplements and from one new food to another new exercise. These are great money-makers. But why are you spending so much of your hard earned money on something that doesn’t have to exist?
Unattractive, stupid, lazy, lacking self-control…is that what you not-so-secretly think of the nearly 70% of adults with “overbesity,” that is, those affected by overweight or obesity? If so, read on. You may be a fat shaming bully and not even know it.
No, of course you haven’t heard any good negative predictions lately. That’s because there aren’t any good negative predictions. There are only negative negative predictions. That’s because there’s nothing good about a negative prediction! Negative predictions can only be negative. Pessimists, dissenters, prophets of doom. Who needs them? The defeatists of the world always begin with the same curse of negative predictions. “You’ll never succeed.” “You’re too dumb to pass the test.” “You’ll never win.” “Don’t bother trying…you’ll only fail.”r
When I go to the gym to workout, I want to untie the knots and jelly beans in my back and shoulders, unhook from the day’s residue of stress, release my brain’s “feel good” chemicals and build all-over body muscle power. I don’t want to deal with difficult people. Do you? When you go to work, it’s the same thing. You don’t want to have to deal with pain in the neck, distracting co-workers. You want to produce, serve, sell, manage, create, repair or whatever it is you are getting paid to do and are passionate about.
George Eliot noted, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” If who you might have been is someone with more charisma, it’s definitely not too late to learn how to be just that. There you are at the podium, presentation in hand but you’ve got one problem. Your hands are perspired and shaking. You are so busy telling yourself that you don’t have the charisma you need to communicate, captivate and motivate your audience, that you wish the ceiling would collapse and everyone would just run out, saving you from your self-predicted failure.
Dr. Michael Mantell brings decades of experience in turning the most challenging workplaces around, often in partnership with leading human resource professionals. In this column, he describes the causes of negativity, the consequences of negativity and how to turn negativity into positivity and profit.r
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Here’s the wisest elixir of happiness—gratitude. That’s right, gratitude will fill your storehouse of happiness. What’s this have to do with health and fitness? Plenty.
A recent Pew Research Center study of modern parenthood found that more than half of parents say they find it very or somewhat difficult to juggle work and family life. Dad are doing more housework and more moms are being are being paid for working out of the home. And the public is conflicted about what’s best for children. Despite the stresses of family life, today’s parents generally rate themselves well in how they raise their children. And many are looking for additional tools to improve family life.
For those of you who know me, you know that I’ve been a devoted tennis player. That is, until I injured myself and turned to other forms of exercise and activity. I didn’t say I was a “good” tennis player. I said I was a “devoted” tennis player. At least two, and more likely three or more times each week, I was out on the courts with my tennis partner…wanting to win and yet prepared to lose. That’s a secret to losing at tennis, and at life. Preparing to lose. And boy did I lose.
There is an African-American proverb that says, “God makes three requests of His children: Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have, now.” It’s that time of the year again, when the “Best of_____” lists begin to appear. You know these lists. They include everything from the best beaches to the best hotels to the best restaurants and doctors and hair salons and gyms and trainers and, and, and…r
A recent Pew Research Center study of modern parenthood found that more than half of parents say they find it very or somewhat difficult to juggle work and family life. Dad are doing more housework and more moms are being are being paid for working out of the home. And the public is conflicted about what’s best for children. Despite the stresses of family life, today’s parents generally rate themselves well in how they raise their children. And many are looking for additional tools to improve family life.
If you are like most folks who read websites, magazines, and newspapers today, you may be totally confused by the sensational headlines that deal with wellbeing, health, obesity, exercise, nutrition, stress and a whole host of other related topics. It seems that on Monday, obesity is caused by one thing and by Wednesday, it’s something else. Eat this, not that, and a day or two later, it’s just the reverse. Yes, "journalists" poorly schooled in science murder science. It's enough to make us toss out the whole idea of listening to experts. But wait.
A recent Pew Research Center study of modern parenthood found that more than half of parents say they find it very or somewhat difficult to juggle work and family life. Dad are doing more housework and more moms are being are being paid for working out of the home. And the public is conflicted about what’s best for children. Despite the stresses of family life, today’s parents generally rate themselves well in how they raise their children. And many are looking for additional tools to improve family life.
"Come on, Dr. Mantell, you've practiced psychotherapy for more than 40 years, have been a transformational leadership coach and mentor. You must have some rules to live well that you'd be willing to share." Of course I do, and I'm happy to do so, But first, a question for you. When it comes to living really well, are you confusing doing so with looking good, feeling good, or having the goods?
Mental mastery, whether it’s for a business meeting, a physical workout, academic success or mindful meditation, requires that you fully engage your mind. We’ve learned through years of research that our brains are capable of continued growth throughout our lives, especially when we are engaged in frequent intellectual stimulation. With the right nourishment, engagement, social connections and physical activity, we do quite well in maintaining brain health. These are anchored in lifestyle choices we make daily.
So you want to improve the way you and your spouse, partner, co-worker or friends at the gym communicate? There probably isn’t anyone anywhere that believes there isn’t room to improve in this most fundamental skill of life. If you disagree, at least do it agreeably ☺. The very structure of, for example, marriage, includes two people – two different people, often from different backgrounds, sometimes from different faiths or different cultural experiences, even different educational backgrounds, with all kinds of different tastes, styles and dreams.
There s/he sits in front of you or more likely in a text message, that “follow your dreams,” optimistic, confident, tolerant, ethnically diverse, born somewhere between 1976 and 2004, and from the most marketed to and most nearly technologically addicted, socially-networked generation in history. Now it’s up to you to coach him/her. But how?
Are you among the 80 millio Americans born between approximately 1982 and 2001? Look around. Have you noticed that you make up about a third of your workplace? The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has noticed and they say that what’s more, in just five more years, you presence will jump to 46% of the workforce in the next five years. Stand back, employers, ready or not, this group of up and coming leaders are here and more are coming!r
Michael Mantell, Ph.D. is convinced that if there was a drug that offered all of the benefits that play does, it’d be the biggest seller on the planet. But who needs to buy a pill when play is free, available 24 hours a day, and no is ever prescription needed? Plato did prescribe, “Life must be lived as play,” suggesting he understood the value of this pervasive, natural, purposeless, pleasurable phenomena that typically begins with anticipation and ends with a smile. He also wisely observed, “You can tell more about a person in one hour of play than in a year of conversation.”
Here is a novel idea if you are a tough boss. Get fair. Fast. That is, if you want to hold on to your employees, especially millennials. Whether your realize it or not, employees expect the American workplace to be a kinder, gentler place in which to work. So tough guy or tough gal, get with it and start caring.
It all began when I was studying psychology in college in the 1960’s. That’s not as far back as you think. Just think of Abraham Maslow writing his paper in 1943 on what he called the “Hierarchy of Needs.” Both he and his pyramid have been revered for more than 70 years. I’m pediatrics compared to that ☺. Maslow observed that physiological needs were the first that we were motivated to take care of, followed by safety, love/belonging, esteem and finally, at the top of the pyramid, self-actualization.