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Articles by Sam Vaknin

Browse published articles attributed to Sam Vaknin, with full-archive search.

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Showing 101–150

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

The Demise of Empathy in Business and the Workplace

Empathy is at the foundation of both altruism and collaboration. Thus, while it does consume scarce resources, empathy confers important evolutionary advantages both from the individual’s point of view (cooperation) and from the species’s (altruism.) Yet, we are witnessing a marked decline in both the ubiquity and utility of empathy. The decline in physical violence is not a good proxy to a supposed rise in empathy: aggressionand narcissism merely mutated into non-physical f

Primary topic: Business Coach and Business Coaching

Business Coach and Business Coaching

2,689 views

By Sam VakninDec 2, 20101 topic

A Classification of Lies and Confabulations

A statement constitutes a lie only if at least one of the interlocutors knows it to be untrue, yet insists or assumes that it is true. If all the parties involved in the exchange know that the statement is false or if none of them know whether it is false or true, then it is fiction or an act of faith. Lies are about facts or about states of being. Lies that pertain to facts cannot be rendered true by widespread consensus. But with regards to lies about states of being, if t

Primary topic: Psychology

2,673 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

The Schizotypal Patient - A Case Study

Notes of first therapy session with El-Or (real name: George), male, 22, diagnosed with Schizotypal Personality Disorder El-Or's real name is George. He changed it as a result of an epiphany he experienced at the tender age of 9 when he encountered an alien spaceship in his back yard and "in ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,607 views

By Sam VakninOct 12, 20141 topic

Putting the Broken Humpty-Dumpty Narcissist Back Together

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Positive feelings (about oneself or pertaining to one's accomplishments, assets, etc.) – are never gained merely through conscious endeavor. They are the outcome of insight. A cognitive component (factual knowledge regarding one's achievements, assets, qualities, skills, etc.) plus an emotional correlate that is heavily dependent on past experience, defense mechanisms, and personality style or structure ("c

Primary topic: Personal Development

Personal Development

2,600 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

How to Cope with a Narcissist?

No one should feel responsible for the narcissist's predicament. To him, others hardly exist – so enmeshed he is in himself and in the resulting misery of this very self-preoccupation. Others are objects on which he projects his wrath, rage, suppressed and mutating aggression and, finally, ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,599 views

By Sam VakninFeb 11, 20131 topic

"I Want Him to Pay a Price for What He Did - Yes: I want REVENGE!"

The need to seek revenge on wrong- and evil-doers is as ancient as Mankind. But people attempt to address their grievances in three ways: 1. Punitive-moralistic The aim of this type of vengeance is to restore justice and, with it, the victim’s view of the world as orderly, predictable, and causal. Perpetrators should be punished; victims should be soothed and elevated; and society should publicly acknowledge who is who and mete out opprobrium and succour respectively. This

Primary topic: Forgiveness

2,542 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the Victim

It is telling that precious few psychology and psychopathology textbooks dedicate an entire chapter to abuse and violence. Even the most egregious manifestations – such as child sexual abuse – merit a fleeting mention, usually as a sub-chapter in a larger section dedicated to paraphilias or ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,539 views

By Sam VakninApr 10, 20071 topic

Rorschach Inkblots Test

The Swiss psychiatrist Hermann Rorschach developed a set of inkblots to test subjects in his clinical research. In a 1942 monograph, Rorschach postulated that the blots evoke consistent and similar responses in groups patients. Only ten of the original inkblots are currently in diagnostic use. They were selected by John Exner. He also systematized the administration and scoring of the test. The Rorschach inkblots are ambiguous forms, printed on 18X24 cm. cards, in both black

Primary topic: Psychology

2,527 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Self Love and Narcissism

Question: What is the difference between self-love and narcissism and how does it affect the capacity to love others? Answer: There are two differences between healthy self-love and pathological narcissism: (a) in the ability to tell reality from fantasy, and (b) in the ability to empathise ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,523 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

The Narcissist And Psychopath Getting Better

Question: Can a narcissist ever get better and, if not, how should his partner end a relationship with him? Answer: The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a systemic, all-pervasive condition, very much like pregnancy: either you have it or you don't. Once you have it, you have it day and ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,489 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Is The Narcissist Ever Sorry?

Question: Doesn't the narcissist ever feel sorry for his "victims"? Answer: The narcissist always feels "bad". He experiences all manner of depressive episodes and lesser dysphoric moods. He goes through a full panoply of mood disorders and anxiety disorders. He experiences panic from time to ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,484 views

By Sam VakninSep 6, 20141 topic

Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Asperger's Disorder

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence). In both cases, the patient is self-centered and engrossed in a narrow range of interests and activities. Social and occupational interactions are severely hampered and conversational skills (the give and

Primary topic: Autism

2,476 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

The Narcissist and His Family

We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter. The narcissist is no exception. The narcissist has ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,467 views

By Sam VakninApr 29, 20071 topic

Psychological Defense Mechanisms

According to Freud and his followers, our psyche is a battlefield between instinctual urges and drives (the id), the constraints imposed by reality on the gratification of these impulses (the ego), and the norms of society (the superego). This constant infighting generates what Freud called "neurotic anxiety" (fear of losing control) and "moral anxiety" (guilt and shame). But these are not the only types of anxiety. "Reality anxiety" is the fear of genuine threats and it com

Primary topic: Psychology

2,448 views

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

I am Afraid to Date Again. I am Considering Online Dating instead of the Real Thing.

There is a delicate balance to be maintained between the need to process the trauma of divorce (to recuperate, heal, and recover) and the need to maintain the interpersonal skills essential to dating and, later, to bonding and pair-formation (pairing). The main problem may be the temporary suspension of the ability to trust, to open up, to render oneself emotionally vulnerable, and to reciprocate. The pain of divorce is so enormous and so all-consuming that narcissistic defen

Primary topic: Dating

2,431 views

By Sam VakninOct 8, 20131 topic

"I Admire and Support him and He Abuses Me!"

“I admire and support him. I am his biggest fan. I am his right hand and one woman audience. I am his best friend and his only source of succor. Yet, he constantly humiliates and berates me and abuses me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. What gives?” He may be a narcissist. The narcissist depends on his coterie for Narcissistic Supply. He resents this addictive dependence and himself for being so frail and impotent. It negates his self-delusional grandiose fantasy of omnipo

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

2,389 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

A Classification of Abusive Behaviors

Abusive conduct is not a uniform, homogeneous phenomenon. It stems and emanates from multiples sources and manifests in a myriad ways. Following are a few useful distinctions which pertain to abuse and could serve as organizing, taxonomical principles (dimensional typologies) in a kind of ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,328 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Avoidant Personality Disorder

People suffering from the Avoidant Personality Disorder feel inadequate, unworthy, inferior, and lacking in self-confidence. As a result, they are shy and socially inhibited. Aware of their real (and, often, imagined) shortcomings, they are constantly on the lookout, are hypervigilant and ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,321 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Ambient Abuse

Ambient abuse is the stealth, subtle, underground currents of maltreatment that sometimes go unnoticed even by the victims themselves, until it is too late. Ambient abuse penetrates and permeates everything – but is difficult to pinpoint and identify. It is ambiguous, atmospheric, diffuse. Hence ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,317 views

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

The Demise of Empathy at Home and in the Family and the Role of Technology

Empathy is on a precipitous decline in the family and home environments. Technology is partly to blame, but so are other social and economic trends. On June 9, 2005 the BBC reported about an unusual project underway in Sheffield (in the United Kingdom). The daily movements and interactions of a family living in a technology-laden, futuristic home are being monitored and recorded. "The aim is to help house builders predict how we will want to use our homes 10 or 20 years from

Primary topic: Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

2,297 views

By Sam VakninSep 22, 20151 topic

Am I Manipulating My Narcissist?

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" All told, there are three ways to manipulate the narcissist: (1) To withhold narcissistic supply from him until he comes, hat in hand, begging for more and then you can name your price and dictate terms; (2) To constitute yourself as a reliable source of high-grade supply and thereby foster in the narcissist dependence and adherence to your minutest needs and wishes; (3) To take active part in buttressin

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

2,287 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder

The Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder is not yet recognized by the DSM Committee. It makes its appearances in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study." Some people are perennial pessimists and have ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,287 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Exploitation by a Narcissist

Question: In his drive for Narcissistic Supply, would the narcissist be callous enough to exploit the tragedy of others, if this were to secure him a new Supply Source? Answer: Yes. I compare Narcissistic Supply to drugs because of the almost involuntary and always-unrestrained nature of the ...

Primary topic: Psychology

2,193 views

By Sam VakninApr 20, 20071 topic

Narcissist vs. Psychopath

We all heard the terms "psychopath" or "sociopath". These are the old names for a patient with the Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD). It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former. Indeed, the DSM V Committee is considering to abolish this distinction altogether. Still, there are some important nuances setting the two disorders apart: As opposed to most narcissists, psychopaths are

Primary topic: Psychology

2,141 views

By Sam VakninDec 29, 20131 topic

Solitude as a Rational Choice

“Purebred” schizoids shrug off their disorder: they simply don’t like being around people and they resent the pathologizing of their lifestyle “choice” to remain aloof and alone. They consider the diagnosis of Schizoid Personality Disorder to be spurious, a mere reflection of current social coercive mores, and a culture-bound artefact. Narcissist, as usual, tend to rationalize and aggrandize their schizoid conduct. They propound the idea that being alone is the only logical

Primary topic: Overcoming Trauma

Overcoming Trauma

2,115 views

By Sam VakninOct 7, 20151 topic

Lidija Rangelovska’s View of Shame

Lidija Rangelovska advanced the idea that some children subjected to abuse in dysfunctional families – objectified, dehumanized, their boundaries breached, and their growth stunted – develop intense feelings of shame. They turn out to be codependents or narcissists owing to their genetic makeup and innate character. According to her, children who turned out to be codependents as adults are resilient, while the more fragile narcissists seek to evade shame by concocting and the

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,096 views

By Sam VakninFeb 10, 20131 topic

The New Matriarchy and the Redundant Male

From the dawn of history to the late 1950s, the collective had been the organizing principle of human affairs. The pursuit of happiness was channelled via collectives and even dissidents and rebels formed collectives to express their grievances. But, this old system brought humanity to the verge of extinction. Disenchanted with mass ideologies, people switched to the opposite pole: militant individualism, which became the new battle cry and organizing principle of increasingl

Primary topic: Singles

2,085 views

By Sam VakninMay 19, 20161 topic

Narcissist: Fake it Till You Make It

Why do some narcissists end up being over-achievers, pillars of the community, and accomplished professionals - while their brethren fade into obscurity, having done little of note with their lives? There seem to be two types of narcissists: those who derive ample narcissistic supply from mere appearances (“Potemkin narcissists”) and those whose narcissistic supply consists of doing substantial deeds, of acting as change-agents, of making a difference, and of creating and pr

Primary topic: Achievement

2,070 views

By Sam VakninFeb 27, 20141 topic

Narcissistic Offspring, Narcissistic Parents

The Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts and then expands again as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.” Why do youngsters opt to live with their parents rather than strike it out on their own? The jobs markets are anemic: youth unemployment hovers above 20% throughout the industrial world, 50% in some countries of the EU; Higher education is ext

Primary topic: Family

2,046 views

By Sam VakninDec 2, 20101 topic

The Psychology of Spree Shooters

Most spree shooters are loners. They are either schizoid (with deficient interpersonal skills) or paranoid and even paranoid-schizophrenic (psychotic, delusional). Their dysfunction is all-pervasive: their family life, career, romantic relationships, professional and material accomplishments are all adversely affected by their mental mayhem. They feel excluded and shunned and are profoundly ashamed of and frustrated with their inadequacies and with their sadistic, self-destru

Primary topic: Anger Management

Anger Management

2,014 views

By Sam VakninDec 3, 20191 topic

Triggering Cascade, Trauma Imprinting, and Total Reactance

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" "Triggering cascade" is when a seemingly minor trigger results in vastly disproportional trauma. Painful memories, replete with the attendant negative emotions, are walled behind mental barriers: combinations of dams and firewalls. Sometimes even an innocuous mishap or a merely unpleasant event rupture these defenses and decades of hurt are released in an avalanche that, at times, can be life threatening.

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

2,001 views

By Sam VakninNov 9, 20141 topic

Nationalism vs. Patriotism: Narcissism vs. Self-love

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Patriotism is akin to the healthy form of self-love: it consists mainly of pride in one’s self-identity and values based on one’s culture and shared history. Patriotism is not exclusionary, but inclusive. The patriot, in constantly seeking to improve his lot and that of his compatriots, is open to advice and suggestions, and welcomes criticism. Patriotism is conce ed with the concrete, the here and now. It

Primary topic: Anger Management

Anger Management

1,963 views

By Sam VakninMay 3, 20071 topic

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Do you believe in UFOs and alien abductions? You may be suffering from the Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Do you believe in the immaculate conception of the Virgin Mary and in the resurrection of her son? Then you are merely a religious person. In other words, it is OK to believe in certain "supe atural" phenomena just because such beliefs are socially acceptable and widespread. The Schizotypal Personality Disorder is one of the most culture-bound mental health diagnoses

Primary topic: Psychology

1,956 views

By Sam VakninNov 24, 20131 topic

Munchausen and Munchausen by Proxy Syndromes: Forms of Pathological Narcissism?

Patients afflicted with the Factitious Disorder colloquially known as “Munchausen Syndrome” seek to attract the attention of medical personnel by feigning or by self-inflicting serious illness or injury. “Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome” (Factitious Illness or Disorder by Proxy, or Imposed by Another, or FII – Fabricated or Induced Illness by Carers) involves the patient inducing illness in or causing injury to a dependent (child, old parent) in order to gain, in her capacity as

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,942 views

By Sam VakninNov 7, 20131 topic

The Death of Traditional Sex in a Unisex World

Traditional sex – the heady cocktail of lust and emotional bonding - is all but dead. In a culture of casual, almost anonymous hookups, suppressing attendant emerging emotions is the bon ton and women and men drift apart, zerovalent atoms in an ever-shifting, kaleidoscopic world, separated by a yawning expectations gap, their virtual isolation aided and abetted by technologies, collectively misnomered “social media“. It is increasingly more difficult to both find a mate and

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,942 views

By Sam VakninApr 17, 20071 topic

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Prevalence and Comorbidity

What is the Difference betwee Healthy Narcissism and the Pathological Kind? In my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", I define pathological narcissism as: "(A) life-long pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition." Luckily for us, we are all narcissists to some degree. But healthy narcissism is adapt

Primary topic: Psychology

1,940 views

By Sam VakninOct 27, 20141 topic

The Narcissist Loves His Narcissistic Personality Disorder

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist can get better, but rarely does he get well ("heal"). The reason is the narcissist's enormous life-long, irreplaceable and indispensable emotional investment in his disorder. It serves two critical functions, which together maintain the precariously balanced house of cards called the narcissist's personality. His disorder endows the narcissist with a sense of uniqueness, of "being special" -

Primary topic: Psychology

1,920 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Your Abuser In Therapy

Your abuser "agrees" (is forced) to attend therapy. But are the sessions worth the effort? What is the success rate of various treatment modalities in modifying the abuser's conduct, let alone in "healing" or "curing" him? Is psychotherapy the panacea it is often made out to be – or a nostrum, ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,911 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

The Hateful Patient - Difficult Patients in Psychotherapy

In 1978, a medical doctor by the name of J.E. Groves published in the prestigious New England journal of Medicine an article titled "Taking Care of the Hateful Patient". In it he admitted that patients with personality disorders often evoke in their physicians dislike or even outright hatred. n ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,902 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

(I use "she" throughout this article but it applies to male victims as well) Contrary to popular misconceptions, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Acute Stress Disorder (or Reaction) are not typical responses to prolonged abuse. They are the outcomes of sudden exposure to severe or ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,886 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Narcissists In Positions Of Authority

"He knows not how to rule a kingdom, that cannot manage a province; nor can he wield a province, that cannot order a city; nor he order a city, that knows not how to regulate a village; nor he a village, that cannot guide a family; nor can that man govern well a family that knows not how to ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,875 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Conduct Disorder

Children and adolescents with conduct disorder are budding psychopaths. They repeatedly and deliberately (and joyfully) violate the rights of others and breach age-appropriate social norms and rules. Some of them gleefully hurt and torture people or, more frequently, animals. Others damage ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,850 views

By Sam VakninAug 25, 20181 topic

Teen Suicide and Social Media

Teen Suicide and Social Media By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Social media and the devices that they run on are designed to be addictive, as many industry executives have confessed. Addiction is always punctuated by periods of withdrawal and its “cold turkey” excruciating symptoms. The correlation between all manner of addictions and suicide, or lesser self-destructive and reckless acts is well documented. College freshmen are “overwhelm

Primary topic: Anxiety

1,848 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Coping with Your Stalker

Abuse by proxy continues long after the relationship is officially over (at least as far as you are conce ed). The majority of abusers get the message, however belatedly and reluctantly. Others – more vindictive and obsessed – continue to haunt their ex-spouses for years to come. ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,817 views

By Sam VakninSep 6, 20141 topic

Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Anxiety Disorders – and especially Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – are often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually come replete with obsessive thoughts, compulsive and ritualistic acts, restlessness, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and somatic manifestations (such as an increased heart r

Primary topic: Anxiety

1,817 views

By Sam VakninJan 19, 20121 topic

Loving Gaze, Adulating Gaze: False vs. True Self

In the film “The Beaver”, the character played by Mel Gibson suffers from depression. He latches on to a tattered puppet in the shape of a beaver and communicates exclusively through it. The Beaver is everything its ostensible master isn’t: daring, creative, exuberant, omnipotent, and omniscient, gregarious, resourceful, charismatic, and charming; a good father, good CEO, and good company all around. In short: The Beaver is the reification of the protagonist’s False Self. Wh

Primary topic: Psychology

1,808 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

The Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Patient - A Case Study

Disclaimer The Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder appears in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study." Notes of first therapy session with Mike, male, 52, diagnosed with Negativistic ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,805 views

By Sam VakninJul 10, 20151 topic

The Narcissist's Seriously Ill child and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Narcissistic parents of seriously ill children derive narcissistic supply from onlookers, friends, family, colleagues, and community by attracting attention to their role as saintly caretakers. They are demonstratively and ostentatiously patient, compassionate, suffering heroically, and dedicated to the child, its welfare, and ultimate healing. They flaunt the child's sickness as a kind of a hard-won but we

Primary topic: Family

1,785 views

By Sam VakninRecently published1 topic

Statistics Of Abuse And Stalking

Before we proceed to outline the psychological profile of the stalker, it is important to try and gauge the extent of the problem by quantifying its different manifestations. More plainly, studying the available statistics is both enlightening and useful. Contrary to common opinion, there has ...

Primary topic: Psychology

1,769 views

By Sam VakninJul 2, 20131 topic

Sex - Or Gender? Children of Same-sex Couples

"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) With same-sex marriage becoming a legal reality throughout the world, many more children are going to be raised by homosexual (gay and lesbian) parents, or even bytransgendered or transsexual ones. How is this going to affect the child’s masculinity or femininity? Is being a gay man less manly than being a heterosexual one? Is a woman who is the outcome of a sex change operation less

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,740 views

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