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Articles by Shelley Stile

Browse published articles attributed to Shelley Stile, with full-archive search.

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By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Don't Settle for Less in Life

Don’t Settle for Less in Life by Shelley Stile/Life Coach What happens when a sense of dissonance is ignored? More likely than not, it will result in a life filled with regret and bitte ess. A good friend of mine, Pat, has been married for about twenty-three years. She and her husband have three kids, plenty of money and a beautiful home. There is abundance in their lives in terms of material items. They hardly talk with the exception of check-ins on the children’s schedules.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

9,314 views4.5/5 (2)

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Life After Divorce: Living with Change and Uncertainty

“If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic.”rn-- Hazel Henderson (Economist, writer and syndicated columnist) Fear of our future after divorce keeps us stuck in the pain of the past. This fear prompts our mind chatter to paint a bleak picture of an uncertain future, which in turn creates a disempowering and negative attitude towards life. A negative attitude on life becomes all pervasive and leaves us powerless and depressed.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

3,187 views4/5 (1)

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce: Don’t ask Why?

In life, I have come to accept the fact that there are questions of mine that will never be answered to my satisfaction if at all. I have come to accept the fact that some things in life are beyond my comprehension and I must trust or have faith that certain occurrences are indeed outside the realm of human reason.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,517 views5/5 (1)

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Was Your Divorce a Means to Healing Old Baggage?

Here’s a fascinating take on divorce that I find more true than not: We choose our spouses, usually subconsciously, as a means to healing old emotional wounds we have been carrying around our entire life. Our divorce then becomes the wakeup call to clean up that mental baggage we have been lugging around once and for all which in turn allows us to become the person we were always meant to be! That theory would go a long way to answering the questions we often ask ourselves: How is it I married my Father/Mother? Why do I over-react to certain things my ex did or said?

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,374 views4/5 (2)

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Newly Divorced and Surviving the Holidays

The Holidays are upon us once again and for many of you, this might be the first time around as a new unit, I.E. without your ex. It’s a difficult time, no doubt about it, and just another step in the transition into a new life after divorce. If you plan for this season you can make it easier on yourself. Emotions may overwhelm you right now. Know that you will have major bouts of sadness, anger…whatever. Go easy on yourself. Take good care of yourself and give yourself as much nurturing as you can muster. If you had a friend who was in your shoes, how would you treat her?

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,339 views3/5 (1)

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

How Divorce Affects Your Children

Recently I spoke with a woman whose coaching practice revolves around the issue of children and divorce. She had many useful strategies for dealing with this challenge but what it all seemed to come down to is this: if you love your children more than you might hate, resent or simply dislike your ex, then you are called upon to act with their well-being first and foremost instead of any hard feelings you may harbor against your former spouse.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,737 views2/5 (1)

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Life After Divorce: Choosing a Happy New Year

The New Year is the proverbial time to make resolutions about our lives. This year may I suggest that you resolve to make an empowering choice for yourself? Choose to have a Happy New Year. As human beings, the ability to consciously choose is our most powerful attribute. Choice is ours and ours alone. Choose to commit to living this one precious life of yours as a happy person. We have all heard the stories of the wisdom that is revealed at the end of someone’s life.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,396 views2/5 (1)

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce: Acceptance of Your New Reality

What do you think of people who are detached from reality? People that are seemingly living in a world of their own making? It’s unnerving to say the least as well as truly sad. Yet for those of us attempting to recover from a divorce, our inability to fully accept our new reality is not too far removed from living in a fantasy world. Non-acceptance of what our life is right here and now is the biggest obstacle to letting go and moving on after divorce. Initially I believe this is due to denial, which is part of the grieving phase that follows any major loss in life.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

2,355 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

How To Forgive After Divorce

Forgiveness is a miraculous act that serves as a release valve that propels us forward into a new life after divorce. To forgive is to be truly free, to be unencumbered by the past. The problem or challenge with forgiveness is that it is very difficult and oftentimes near impossible for us to go there, especially if we are leaving an abusive relationship of some sort. How can we forgive really bad behavior? How can we forgive someone who has wronged or betrayed us? There are two important elements of forgiveness: what it is and what it gives to us.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,800 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

How To Stop Bad Habits

Have you ever heard the expression,” Quit banging your head against the wall!” It’s an old expression my Mom used that basically translates into: There are certain things we do that are as productive and healthy as banging your head against the wall. The interesting thing about the banging-your-head-against-the-wall, hereafter known as HBS, is its tendency to repeat itself.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,703 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Does Divorce Have To Have A Negative Impact On Our Kids?

Going through a divorce where there are children involved is an anxiety-provoking scenario with much worry on the past of the parents as to what negative effects the divorce will have on their kids. I firmly believe that it isn’t so much the divorce but how you choose to handle the divorce that will have the greatest impact on your children. Living in an unhappy household where two parents are continually arguing does not serve anyone, least of all the kids.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,575 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

How to Handle your Emotions During Divorce

Divorce brings out the lunatic within us. Rage, anger, depression, sadness, resentment and blame are just some of negative emotions running the show. Your emotional state is hard to pin down from one moment to the next. This is not the best state of mind to be in when you are being called upon to handle so many things and make so many very important choices and decisions. We need to tame the gremlin, (that negative mind chatter within), learn to be less reactive and be in more control of our emotional state in order to be able to effectively handle our divorce.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,564 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Freedom is the Reward for Letting Go

The ability to move on after your divorce entails the letting go of the past with its emotional baggage and negative emotions. If you can accomplish this feat then the heavy burdens you have been carrying will lift and you will experience the liberation of freedom: the ability to move unimpeded towards whatever goal you establish for yourself. Think of slavery. Picture a person wrapped in chains. Now think of those chains as having specific labels attached: blame, resentment, resistance, anger, denial, sadness and confusion.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,527 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

The Real Divorce: Cutting The Ties That Bind

Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce. The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,440 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce: Pain and Rebirth

Those of us who have gone through a divorce understand all too well the pain and grief we experience. We have lost our spouse, what we thought was our life partner, a loss similar to the death of a loved one. What is worse though, is losing all the many aspects of a life lived together as a couple and family. The fact is that many of our married friends cannot really understand that loss, which only serves to make us feel more isolated.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,433 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

The Cost Of Being Right: A High Price To Pay

The Cost of Being Right One of the highest prices we pay in life is the cost of being right. Some of us will sacrifice almost anything just in order to be the last one standing. A person who had been surrounded by their peers now sits alone, safe in the knowledge that he or she is right in their viewpoint even though they have alienated everyone around them. The ego is a mighty powerful entity left unchecked. Have you ever attempted to reason with a child who knows everything? It’s their way or no way at all.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,386 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Conscious Living: The Key to Lasting and Positive Change

Conscious Living: The Key to Positive and Lasting Change Conscious: aware of one’s own existence, sensations, thoughts and surroundings; aware of what one is doing. Unconscious : without awareness or cognition; occurring below the level of conscious thought; not consciously planned, realized or done; the unconscious: the part of the mind containing psychic material that is only rarely accessible awareness but has a pronounced effect upon behavior. When we are living our lives in a state of true awareness wherein we are truly conscious of our actions, we can free ourselves from

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,373 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Moving On After Your Divorce

There is no single more powerful stumbling block to moving beyond our divorce into a new life than the inability to accept our new reality. Acceptance is the hardest part of the divorce recovery process. Acceptance requires total honesty, courage and the willingness to let go of the life that we had...a life that no longer exists. Without that acceptance, we cannot move forward and create a new life. How does one learn acceptance? Although it takes time and a good deal of inner work, it can be done.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,328 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce: So-Called Mistakes Are Life Lessons

Your divorce is not a failure or a mistake. People miss an incredible opportunity to learn, grow and change for the better when they view their divorce through the lens of failure. A so-called failure is actually a lesson in how not to do something and an invaluable tool for doing things right and in your self-interest in the future. I am presently immersed in my second reading of a marvelous book entitled, ‘The Tender Bar’ by J.R. Moehringer.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,320 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Life After Divorce: The Power of Acceptance

In Divorce Recovery, as well as any other major loss in life, acceptance is the most important and most difficult step we must take towards releasing the past and beginning a new chapter of life. By acceptance I mean the acceptance of your reality, as it exists for you right now: what is and not what we think should or could be. Acceptance means being conscious and accepting of your reality with no illusions or personal interpretations or filters. It also involves giving up blame, resentment and regret.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,319 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Recovering from Divorce: Honor the Truth

Do you remember the old adage that states there’s your side, there’s my side and then there’s the truth? If we were totally honest with ourselves, we too could see the truth of any situation. Once we accept that truth, we have the newfound freedom to gain clarity, discover our options and make real choices that are based in reality and not a subjective interpretation of what is. The past no longer runs the show. A world of possibilities opens that we might otherwise have missed.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,311 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

How Gratitude Can Change Your Life

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, the holiday that has its origin in the Puritan’s tradition of giving thanks for a good harvest. The Puritans weren’t the first in this regard. Many religious and societal traditions are based in the concept of gratitude. What all these traditions may or may not have known is that recent scientific studies point to a direct link between gratitude and a deep satisfaction with life.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,277 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce Recovery: Acceptance Of What Was And What Is

The clients who come to me for help in letting go and moving on after their divorces discover that acceptance, a mandatory step in divorce recovery, comes in two stages. First we work to be in acceptance of the end of our marriage and then we move on to accept what our life is now, in the present. This second step in the acceptance process seems to be the more difficult hurdle to overcome but it can be overcome successfully. Acceptance of the undeniable fact that our marriage is over must be fully integrated into our psyche for us to be able to create a new life.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,270 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Cutivate Awareness And Change Your Life: Lessons From The Rainforest

The rainforest in Central America taught me a wonderful lesson: if you can quiet yourself and truly focus your attention on your surroundings, you will see a multitude of things that were seemingly invisible. To view the wonders that the rainforest offers takes increased attention and awareness. The obvious analogy to life is that heightened awareness will gift us a life that offers to intrigue us, to expand our horizons and offer new sources of joy.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,263 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Reconnecting With Your Teenagers

The week or so before the holidays was hell on wheels at my house. The task of raising two teenagers as a single Mom and all its attendant responsibilities creates a good deal of tension within our four walls. Any parent of a teen will understand. Too often I get the feeling that my life with them is nothing but nagging, cajoling and getting them to do the things they need to do to be responsible adults, not to mention making it through their days with everything handled. A blowup with my son over infractions against house rules caused him to say he wanted to move out.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,248 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce Recovery: Are Your Fears Holding you Back?

Divorce turns our lives upside down. It throws us into a major life transition that is colored by intense feelings and emotions that can be debilitating. I believe that fear is the main culprit that holds us back from not only healing and letting go of our pain, but also from moving forward into a new life. So it is fear we need to identify and then overcome. Fear debilitates. It acts as a paralytic agent that keeps us stuck. It inhibits any real forward motion.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,241 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Transforming Your Significant Relationship

It may to difficult to accept but the ingredients for a happy and fulfilling relationship with your significant other or spouse rests on the foundation of acceptance. Acceptance of the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Acceptance of who that person is at their core. Acceptance of all the little things they do. 1. Acceptance does not imply giving up. It is not a negative term. It is acknowledging reality. Acceptance means that we come to understand and accept our mate and our life for what it is. There is no judgment involved.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,241 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Creating Postive Changes In Your Life

The Inner Work of Creating Positive Change Contrary to a widely held belief that people do not change, I submit to you that people do change and often in dramatic, life-altering ways. I say this with full confidence as I have witnessed it happen time and time again. Creating positive change in your life is totally possible. You can change yourself and thereby your life. When you are fully committed to making changes in your life, it will happen. That commitment, based on a deep desire for growth, is half the journey.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,205 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce Recovery: Beware Expectations!

In a nutshell, expectations are premeditated resentments and disappointments. They are self-sabotaging beliefs we hold that literally set us up to feel bad and keep us stuck in the pain of our divorce. They are in direct conflict with how the world actually works and are based on the phrase, ‘should be’. In order to let go of the pain of our divorce, we must let go of impossible expectations. What exactly is an impossible expectation? How about: I expect me ex to treat me with respect. I expect that my ex will be totally fair as regards our financial settlement.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,198 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce Recovery: Releasing Toxic Emotions And Thoughts

The way to recover and thrive after divorce is simple: Until you can release the toxic emotions surrounding your divorce, it is impossible for you to move forward in life and be happy. It takes enormous commitment and effort but it can be achieved. If you want to lead a new life that is both fulfilling and happy, you must let go of the negative emotions and thoughts that hold you back from creating a life you love. And guess what else? Who do you suppose pays the biggest price when it comes to toxic emotions?

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,182 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

The Second Half of Life

The Second Half of Life I’m 55 years old. Really. It seems like yesterday I was bopping down the streets of Manhattan with my buddies and today I’m in bed by 10 pm. And whose body is this?

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,175 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Are Your Beliefs Setting You Up for Unhappiness?

Each of us holds core beliefs about life. These belief systems have an incredible impact on our ability to be happy in life because they have a tendency to create expectations that all too often leave us feeling disappointed, resentful or angry. By uncovering these core beliefs, many of them sub-conscious, we can examine their validity and thereby save ourselves from much self-imposed unhappiness. For example, I may hold a belief that people should be kind to one another. Conceptually this is a good idea. The world would be a better place if we were all kind with one another.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,149 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Our Aging Parents

I am now in the generation whose parents are getting old and sick. It’s the cycle of life. I remember when my grandfather was in the hospital dying. My Father was by his bedside all the time. Now we are facing that stark reality: our parent’s decline and their mortality. Our parents are in a stage of life that is not only difficult for them but for us as well, physically and mentally. How do we deal with the inevitable changes they go through?

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,103 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Our Children's Future

We worry about our kids: their well-being and happy future are our main conce s in life. We long for them to be content and successful at whatever they choose to do. We hope that we’ll be able to provide them with the same kind of help that many of us have received from our own parents. But how can we ensure that we’re doing everything in our power to make all of this come to pass? We can, but there’s a process. First, take a few steps back and consider what we truly want for our kids.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,100 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Relationships: Why They Change

Relationships. Why do they change? So often we find ourselves struggling to maintain a long-term relationship that somehow doesn't feel as good as it used to. Our sense of history and loyalty motivate us to do whatever we can to keep that relationship alive. How do we know when it is time to move on? Like everything else in life, nothing remains static, everything changes. According to quantum physics, the universe and everything in it is in a constant state of flux. When we examine an atom up close, we can see tremendous movement.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,064 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Divorce: You Can't Always Get What You Want

The Rolling Stones were actually very smart. They were dead-on when they sang that you can’t always get what you want but you get what you need… that is if you are paying attention to what is being offered. When we wish, pray or hope for something, what we actually might be gifted with is the situation in which to manifest that gift. Let me give you an example. A woman I coached wanted to learn patience. She was always terribly impatient which led her to be frustrated and angry most of the time.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,053 views

By Shelley StileRecently published1 topic

Victimhood: The Curse of Divorce Recovery

Feeling or labeling yourself a victim of your divorce is one of the most disastrous moves you can make. It will prevent you from moving forward into a new life. Victimhood renders you powerless. To create a new life after your divorce takes a person who is fully responsible for their past, present and future. Being responsible means having control over one’s life and that is what it takes to both recover from the emotional wounds of a divorce as well as plan for your new life.

Primary topic: Life Coach and Life Coaching

Life Coach and Life Coaching

1,023 views

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