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Browse published articles attributed to Tina Tessina, with full-archive search.
Dr. Romance is aware that there is a heavy emphasis on youth in today's culture. Companies and individuals want to sell you potions, clothing, makeup, diets, exercise and attitudes and other magic to help you stay young. But, scientific research shows that these things rarely make a significant difference.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Despite the occasional temporary setback, my life is good, and I'm grateful. It wasn't always that way, however. At 18, just after I left for college, I was essentially orphaned, and have had to go from no education or support to finding a purpose, supporting myself through a PhD, and developing four businesses to do that. I also recovered from an abusive marriage, and now have been happily married for 23 years, and in successful private practice since 1978.
Happy New Year! This is the traditional time for making resolutions, which we all know are simple to make, but much more difficult to keep. Resolutions imply change, and making changes requires patience. It's such a valuable component of character that St. Paul considered it evidence that a person was living in faith: "...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control," he wrote to the Galatians.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am writing because I am surrounded by negative people and thoughts, including my family. I have no support structure. I hide from neighbors so people won't ask questions. During the day I am on the computer being as proactive as I can.
1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it. 2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is hearing.... 3. Focus on the solution that would work for everyone, rather than who's right or wrong. Only focus on the problem long enough to understand, then switch to what will fix it.
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm in my first year of high school, but I have no experience in relationships. I'm in contact with a friend who is a year younger than me, and I recently realized I have feelings for her. She's funny and playful, and I just can't help myself. What's your advice on how I should tell her? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: I just read your post to the 'nice guy' who asked for advice why he keeps getting passed over for the 'bad boy' types, and he was 100% right in saying women consistently say they're looking for a 'nice guy'.
I often write about good relationship habits, so this month, I thought I'd explore some of the bad habits I see in my counseling practice that lead to strife and struggle in relationships. Hopefully, if you recognize any of these habits in your own relationship, you'll work together to fix them. 1) You place social media above real communication; This can be a big problem, especially with younger couples.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Happy New Year! May you be filled with renewed energy for life, and the wisdom to put it to effective use. The month of January is named after the Roman god Janusthe god of beginnings and transitions. If you have seen depictions of him, you know he had two faces which looked both backward and forward. Thus, the transition month of the year bears his name.
Dear Dr. Romance: I recently read your No Cooperation? Solve it Yourself! If I am to solve the problem for myself won't that just create resentment that the other party is unwilling to help? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance, I would like your advice in my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been living together for a year and a half and known each other for 3 years. He calls me names and puts me down when i try to communicate with him and every time i want to break it off he tells me we should try again but it seems to be going in a circle. Dear Reader:
Dr. Romance writes: There’s a pervasive myth in our society that there is a right and a wrong way to love. However, there’s not much clarity about what the right might be. We all have difficulty with relationships and difficulty with love. Therefore, we’re liable to draw the uncomfortable conclusion: “Everyone knows how to love correctly except me.”
The old folk songs say it: Oh, love is handsome, love is fine Love is a jewel when it is new; But when love's old, it waxes cold And fades away, like morning dew. Folk wisdom says it:
Ever since Daniel Goleman wrote Emotional Intelligence, we have heard that phrase a lot, but perhaps you never heard it explained. Emotional intelligence is a valuable skill, because it means you know how to work with all kinds of people, understand them and get along with them.
Dr. Romance wishes you a Happy Thanksgiving! A lot of people aren’t very good at looking at the positive. I hear a lot of negativity, blaming and complaining daily in my counseling office, and I find the more negative people are, the worse their lives work. Talking about how bad it all is seems to be quite popular. When I can break through this fashionable bad attitude enough to get my clients begin thinking of what can be done to fix the problem (rather than how awful it all is) things soon begin to improve.
There are people I love who are easy to be around, and others I love who are more difficult for me.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a 51 year old divorced Mom who recently began seeing someone. I like him and want to pursue this relationship, but I don't want to keep making the same mistakes! Some people say "be yourself" other say "don't do too much too soon, keep him wondering"...and I am CONFUSED!
Richard and I just indulged in our favorite December traditionwe watched our favorite Christmas movie (Scrooge! the musical starring Albert Finney) which kick-starts our holiday spirit every year.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Everyone is relieved when the holidays are over, and sometimes disappointed. If you're worn out, it's worth your while to take the time to recharge a little, and pamper yourself. Dr. Romance gives 4 Tips for handling Post-holiday blues
Dr.
Dear Dr. Romance: I enjoy reading your "Happiness Tips Newsletter" I actually want to ask you some questions. I know you are a psychotherapist, So i thought you might to explain the difference between the mental health unit of an hospital and a psych ward? Why would one feel ashamed to have stepped in there for one reason or another?
Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.——adage
Recently, as we were eating in an Italian restaurant, the music being played transported me back to holidays with my Italian/American family. Traditional, sentimental Italian songs were such a large part of our gatherings for the holidays. After a huge, slow, multi-course dinner, Uncle Tommy would get up and go to the piano, and just start playing.
Dr. Romance writes: Each of us is individual, special and different for a reason: You are a gift to the planet. Anthropology tells us we are different because we survive better that way – the recombining of genes in sexual reproduction makes us a stronger species than cloning would.
Many years ago, an Edwin Markham poem inspired me, and I've tried to live by it Outwitted by Edwin Markham He drew a circle that shut me out Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in!
Recent events have me thinking about political anarchyriots, bombings, civil wars, threats, and other bad and dangerous behavior around the world. Politically, anarchy means obeying no laws. It's frightening to watch a mob take over. Anarchy is the result of two things: repression and neglect. When people are economically and politically repressed, they become frustrated. When they are also ignored and neglected, negative forces are free to take over. This is how gangs and terrorist organizations take hold.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance Writes:
Dear Dr. Romance: I have a question for you. I normally don't ask questions like this. But I was looking at your Facebook page and reading some of your responses. Here goes.
Dr.
Want to be powerful in your relationships? Learn emotional self-control. Learning to take charge of your emotions means you can't be "set off" by someone else. You control your reactions, they don't control you. When you're too reactive to your partner, he or she can easily draw you into a fight that stops you both from focusing on fixing the problem.
Dear Dr Romance: I just wanted to say thank you for the article you wrote "Dating 101: Do Opposites Attract?" I just read it today and you have really made my day. I'm currently in an interracial relationship with a wonderful man from Africa. Not only are we from different races but he is Muslim and I am a Roman Catholic so it makes it a little more interesting. Unknowingly we have been following the guidelines you have written in your articler
Dear Dr. Romance: Your article on "Fair Fight Guidelines" is wonderful!!! My major issue is that I cry upon a disagreement. This prevents me to think clearly, act maturely and interact directly. Would you please address this issue? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: I have a question for you. I normally don't ask questions like this. But I was looking at your Facebook page and reading some of your responses. Here goes.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I have just read your article that appeared on yahoo today on the issue of having an older partner. First let me thank you for bringing up such topic, as it has been considered for a long time as a classified one. second, i have some questions that i need clarify for once and for all.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
None of us wants to think about it, but the standard definition of a totally successful relationship is the old, traditional til death do us part. Any time we love, whether its a life partner, a dear friend, a child, a sibling, a parent or even a beloved pet, we are risking the loss of that love.
Dear Dr. Romance: