My Husband Left Me To Find Himself: My Husband Is Moving Out To See If He Will Miss Me

My Husband Left Me To Find Himself: My Husband Is Moving Out To See If He Will Miss Me

Facing a martial separation can be hard enough. But feeling as if you have to perform or to meet some criteria during that separation can be doubly upsetting. This is especially true if your husband announces that he wants to see if he will 'miss you' during the separation. Because this implies that you have to pass some sort of test in order to keep your marriage. And this can leave you not sure about how to achieve that goal.

A wife might say: "my husband has been muttering about a separation for about six months. I will admit that I mostly ignored him because he just seemed to repeat himself without ever doing anything. About four weeks ago, my mother had a health scare and I had to travel to another state to care for her. Honestly, I was almost glad to be leaving because my husband and I had been fighting and I wanted the break. I was only gone for five days, but when I got home, my husband admitted that he hadn't missed me all that much and that the end to the fighting was a relief. He announced that he suspected that I felt the same way. Honestly, I did miss him. At least a little. But he claims not to have missed me and now says that we need to be apart for a longer period of time in order for him to ascertain whether or not he would miss me during a real separation. I am not quite sure how to take this. I hate that we have been fighting lately, but I do not want to lose my marriage. I do not want a separation, but he seems determined about this. So I asked him to get an apartment very close by so that we can see one another all of the time. He rejected that and said that he 'wanted the time and space to see if he misses me.' Well, if we have very limited contact, what if that just makes our marriage worse? What if that makes him want to end our marriage even sooner? How do I make him miss me if he's distancing himself already?"

Be Careful About Overdoing It When You Experience Paranoia Or Doubt: I completely understand how you feel because I had very similar thoughts during my own separation. In fact, I can look back now and see that I was very paranoid. I was sure that my husband would enjoy his freedom so much that he would scarcely have time to miss me. So I made sure that I kept in touch. All of the time. This was too much. He tried to be polite about it in the beginning. And tolerated my "touching base" constantly. But eventually, he began to distance himself. And because I'm sure he found me to be a bit of a pest, he probably was not missing me all that much.

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This is a very difficult situation to handle because you're already feeling paranoid. So when he starts pulling away, your inclination can be to pull him even closer and to initiate even MORE contact. That's exactly what I did, but this made things even worse and he pulled back even further - going so far as to tell me that I needed to let him initiate the contact. And you know what? Eventually I felt that I just had to do this even though it went against every thing that I was feeling at the time.

When What You Dread The Most Doesn't Actually Happen: I was sure that when things went silent between us, my husband would celebrate his freedom and feel even more distant from me. I felt like my releasing my grip was really going to be the beginning of the end. But I did it because it was the only hope that I had of keeping at least some portion of the relationship alive.

And then a funny thing happened. After some very hard days of complete silence, he did what I never expected him to do. He started reaching out to me. He initiated the contact. He started doing the calling. Listen, it was so hard not to pick right back up where I'd left off. My relief made it very hard not to get over-excited. But I tried to look at it logically because listening to my emotions hadn't worked. I could not deny that backing away a little bit had absolutely worked. So I tempered my excitement and continued to allow him to initiate half of the contact.

And eventually, he actually did miss me and we did reconcile. But I am not sure if this would have happened if I had continued with holding on so tightly. I think that it is possible that he may have initiated a divorce or a no-contact separation just to have some peace. I know that it's hard to step back and just hope that he misses you. And I don't advocate no-contact for long periods of time. But in my experience, it can help to give things a few days between contact so that he does have the time and space to wonder what you are doing and how you are. Because when that process happens - many times, that is when he does start to miss you.

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I sometimes hear from wives who don't know what to think about their husband's behavior during a marital separation. Often, when the wife tries to get a read on how things or going or whether the husband might be thinking about coming home, she doesn't get a straight answer. Instead, she gets a husband who is frustratingly evasive. And this often leaves her wondering if she's wrong to hold out any hope or if she is just wasting her time.

I heard from a wife who said: "my husband and I have been separated for almost two months. I think that this is more than enough time for him to come to a decision about what he wants to do about our marriage. He asked me for space and I gave it to him. But he seems no closer to committing to me and our marriage than he was right before the separation. Because I am tired of waiting, I've taken to asking him very directly what he plans to do. I'll say things like 'so where do you plan to live next month?' Or 'how do you feel about me today?' I never get a straight answer. He'll say something like 'I'm still evaluating.' Or 'honestly, my feelings are still all over the place. I just don't know.' This makes me so angry. If he knows that our marriage is over or that he no longer feels anything for me, I wish he would have the courage to just say it. Instead, it's like he's going out of his way to stall or to not give me an honest answer. Why would he do this? And how can I get him to stop?"

This is a very common concern. Very often, wives hope that once they give their husband his space, he will realize how much he misses and loves her and will want to come home and save the marriage in record time. When this doesn't happen, they assume the worst and then they pressure or aggressively question their husband, which can cause the situation to deteriorate even further.

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I know that you want and deserve answers. But I also know from experience that you're much more likely to have success if your turn down the negativity and the pressure. In the following article, I'll outline what I believe is the best strategy in this situation.

If He Won't Answer Your Questions, Try Abandoning Them For A While. Or Think About Phrasing Them In Another Way: When you feel that your marriage is on the line, it's very easy to keep trying strategies that have already shown themselves not to work. The reason for this is that you're so panicked that common sense leaves you. And, you're so intent on needing these answers that you are determined to get them by any means necessary.

Here's what you need to remember. The more you apply the pressure, the more he is going to get frustrated and defensive. And the more impatient you are, the more likely you make it that he's going to tell you that if you are so intent on an answer, then he's going to have to decide on a negative answer simply because you couldn't wait.

I know how this feels. But frankly, I learned that it was better to give him more time so that I could still hold out at least some hope than to push and all but ensure that because of my insistence on an answer, his response would be that we should just stay apart.

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I know that the delay just makes this situation feel worse. But honestly, what would be even worse than the scenario now is him saying that he wants to make the separation to be permanent or that he wants a divorce. If you have to wait a little longer to avoid this, then I think that it's worth that.

Some wives understand my approach, but they admit that they just are not going to be able to stop asking for a status. If this is your situation, I would suggest trying to distract yourself when the urge hits you. And if you can't do that, then you might want to rephrase the questions so that they sound more positive. So instead of saying things like "so have you decided when you're going to come back home?, perhaps you'd say "have you made any progress since you've had some time away?" " Or instead of "have you sorted out your feelings about me and the marriage?," you might try "are things any more clear to you now? Or are you still evaluating?"

The way that you deliver this message is vital. You do not want to sound accusatory or impatient. You don't want to phrase this so that it sounds like a demand. Because it's so hard to say these words and to make them come out sounding supportive and right, I do suggest just remaining positive when you're around him and backing off on the questions, knowing that when he's ready to share his feelings, he will. Or that alternatively, when things have improved so dramatically between you that he's ready to come home, then this will be obvious.

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You need to figure out how to win back your husband. For one thing, the bitch in his office has been flirting with him. But it's not only the office flirting. He doesn't seem to love you any more or care about what you have to say. He comes home late most nights. He even forgot your birthday. And you suspect he's been surfing porn sites online.

You're afraid that this is just the beginning of the end. You can't imagine life without him. You're scared that you might end up a statistic, and become one of the 50% of all marriages today that end up in divorce.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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So you're determined to win back your husband. But how? Here are 3 sneaky but effective ways you can use to win back your husband -

1. Get a complete make-over

Just like how they do it on Oprah. A new hairstyle, sexy clothes, a wonder bra. Make yourself ravishing

2. But play hard to get

Don't jump straight into his arms though. Remember what you used to do when he was courting you. Act coy, indifferent to his advances

3. Do some of your own flirting

With any half-decent guy when your husband is around. In church, at the PTA, wherever.

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About eight years ago my wife came down to my office and said, "I want to talk." I'm pretty sure no good conversation ever started out with those words. I guess I don't have to tell you what she wanted to "talk" about! I'd like to share my story with you and show you how to avoid a divorce even when your spouse has said it's over.

My reaction was pretty normal for a person who isn't suspecting devastating news like this from out of nowhere. In fact, the mistakes I made following my wife's bombshell were very typical of the mistakes most people tend to make. I found out later that the way I responded nearly cost me the marriage. Despite my very best intentions and a strong desire to hang on to the woman I loved so much, I actually made things worse! It turned out that I was doing the complete opposite of what I should have been doing.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Thank God I learned what I learned in time to save the marriage!

What I learned is that it is completely natural and normal to try and cling to that which we love. That is what we as humans do. However, when our spouse wants out of the relationship, it requires a very different course of action to save the marriage. I had to learn to say specific things and do specific things and behave in specific ways to affect a positive change in our relationship. The good news is that we are still together and very happily married and our relationship as well as our life is better than we ever dreamed it could be!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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