What To Do When Your Husband Is Tired Of You: Tips To Bring Passion Back In Your Marriage

What To Do When Your Husband Is Tired Of You: Tips To Bring Passion Back In Your Marriage

Hugh Hefner may have a very different initial response than Dr. Laura. Yet the root of this issue is the same:

Loving your spouse but not feeling loved...

These feelings may evolve from a variety of "symptoms", yet the root of the problem is not feeling loved.

These feelings can occur as a relationship evolves and changes in behavior and actions follow. When this evolution happens and one or both spouses feel that there are too many negative results, then it's time to work on controlling that evolution.

Here are 3 steps that can be taken as relationships evolve to ensure that the needs of both are met and the evolutionary process is beneficial to the relationship.

Step #1 - Communication

There are many ways that we show our love to our spouse, they include acts of service (making meals, filling the gas tank in their car, doing one of "their chores" etc.) We also show our love with gentle touches, kind or encouraging words, a kiss or bedroom intimacy.

However, have you ever considered that one of the best ways to show your love is to engage in meaningful conversations where you are actually paying attention?

There may be times in a marriage when one spouse or the other is still in love, but doesn't feel like they are loved in return.

It's essential in all relationships that people communicate their needs and their perceptions of what their spouse needs.

Let's say the favorite part of your newlywed years was the leisurely Saturday mornings and a special brunch. Now your Saturdays are spent racing from one children's sporting event to the next. Or your spouse goes golfing or playing tennis with friends.

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It may be a real disappointment that your special time with your spouse was lost. So it's important to discuss how much you enjoyed that time and figure out a way to create a new and improved special time.

Perhaps one spouse is feeling neglected as the other spouse has had increased work responsibilities that require them to be away from home more. Discussing these concerns will help find a way to resolve these feelings of neglect.

As far as feeling neglected goes, consider husbands and the HUGE transition that takes place as children are added to the equation. They know in their mind that the have to come second now because these new little babies can't do anything for themselves.

A new mothers life naturally becomes consumed with new responsibilities and needs and it's natural to put their husbands needs second. (I'll discuss the importance of solving this problem quickly in Step #3)

By communicating these feelings a discussion can follow where dad can become more involved with these responsibilities.

The wonderful thing about this evolution is Dad wins! He is blessed with developing a stronger relationship with their new baby, and his wife not only has more time for him, she feels a deeper love as he has made an extra effort to strengthen their marriage by taking some of her load.

Solving all of these issues requires communicating your needs and concerns.

Step #2 - Time Alone

This step easily follows the preceding step of communication because if you have regular time alone, then you are better able to communicate.

You need to have alone time with your spouse on a daily basis. Even if you have to make an appointment to meet every night at 9:10 p.m., then do it.

This daily time allows you to keep in touch with the joys and sorrows of the day, and deepens your love, commitment and ability to help one another.

In addition to daily time alone, you also need weekly time alone. You've heard me recommend on a regular basis the value and importance of having a weekly date night. Well, then do it! My husband and I have faithfully had weekly date nights and I'm convinced that is one of the wisest habits we ever developed.

Let me specify that these weekly date nights can be with others, just no kids. However, it is still important to be sure that at least once a month the date night is ALONE...no other couples. That's when you can really strengthen your marriage relationship.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Step 3 - Daily Affirmations

I think one of the most concise articles I've read about showing love or daily affirmations to your spouse is the article "The Daily Dozen of Marriage", by Dee W. Hadley, a family counselor. (Dee W. Hadley, "The Daily Dozen of Marriage," Ensign, March 1990, 35)

Here's just a few:

Spending 5 minutes a day thinking positive thoughts about your spouse; pay a genuine compliment; do an act of service; give a gesture of love; be courteous to all family members; forgive daily.

If you only did these 6, imagine the impact it would have on relieving frustration in your marriage. You certainly wouldn't feel unloved!

As I mentioned earlier, there are times when a spouse may feel neglected. These daily affirmations will all but cure that issue.

As a side note on neglect. There are marriages where a spouse or the marriage relationship as a whole is neglected in favor of meeting every need of their children. This mainly occurs because of the false belief that this will grow happy, well developed children.

Guess what, there is study after study now that shows the best way to grow healthy, well adapted children is to have a healthy, well adapted marriage. A strong marriage relationship where the parents relationship comes BEFORE that of the needs of the children will automatically trickle down to meeting the needs of the children in an appropriate way.

Think about it, if little Johnny sees a strong marriage relationship where love is expressed freely, service is offered regularly and he knows without a doubt that his mom loves his dad...won't the natural conclusion be that they love him too, that two lives can be made as one and the one is much better? What better message could we send to our children?

A couple's love and service for each other will affect their children more positively than any other thing they could do for their children. So daily affirmations of your love to your spouse gives you a double payday. One with your spouse and one with your kids.

Don't wait, take a look today at where your marriage relationship is and where you would like it to evolve to. Just start now to apply these 3 simple steps and you'll be headed in the right direction.

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If you and your spouse act like buddies (or worse-roommates who tolerate each other) here are some simple things you can do to help bring the passion back into your marriage and get back to feeling "in love":

Touch each other more often.

Touch is so important in a happy marriage. It releases Oxytocin and connects you both on a soulful level. Rub each other's backs when you walk by one another in the kitchen. Kiss in the morning and before bed. Hold hands when you walk together. These small gestures help you both to crave each other's bodies more when you are physically separated.

Make your time together quality time.

Next time you spend some time together, stop talking about the in-laws and the kids and take a trip down memory lane. Go out to eat at a restaurant you used to go to when you were dating and get dressed up for each other as if you are going on a date. The more you treat your time together like you are dating instead of bored with marriage and stuck with each other, the longer the romance will survive.

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Sweat together.

When a married couple can sweat it out together on a hike or a bike ride around town, endorphins are released and you will probably be more in the mood to celebrate the end of such a fun, adventuresome day with some fun adventuring under the sheets. Having done a physical activity together will also leave you both feeling more productive than if you had sat around all Saturday watching television together. This productivity and effort to improve your health will make you feel more like a healthy team instead of like two people who encourage each other to be lazy. This team spirit will make both of you feel closer and will lead to more attraction.

Read to each other.

I know a lot of married couples who enjoy reading side-by-side: newspapers at breakfast or novels in the evening. What's even better is if you both read the same book at the same time... aloud. Taking turns reading to each other creates a bond that is very powerful. Storytelling around the fire was a tradition centuries ago when no one had the luxuries of television and internet. It was a way to feel connected through words and fantasy. It also forces you to listen, on end, to the voice of your spouse. This helps to create a deeper bond to your loved one in your brain, which makes you feel more loving feelings in your heart. You can read fiction together or even a relationship self-help book. It doesn't matter the genre, only that you two are both interested in the subject matter.

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If you're contemplating how to stop divorce in your marriage, you've a tough road ahead. Half of all married couples end up divorced.

Still, no matter how tough, let me tell you that it's better to try and salvage your marriage than to settle for divorce. You've spent years building up your relationship and marriage with your spouse. Despite all the fights and tears and pain, you just know the love is still inside, buried somewhere.

The alternative is worse. Divorce will mean starting over, in your relationships, maybe your career. Putting yourself out there when you're older. Being potentially a single parent. Not a pretty sight.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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So how do you address the question of how to stop divorce? Here are 3 effective, sensible, not "rocket science" ways you must learn to know how to stop divorce. All is required is action on your part.

1. Pull back the hostility and switch on the compassion. Stop behaving like you're two fighters in a ring and think as a team instead. You have the power in your brain and heart to decide to be tough or compassionate towards your partner.

2. Identify all the issues that are causing the gap between you. It all adds up and becomes a mountain. Destroy that mountain, break it down into smaller portions. Then, decide what is unimportant, not life-threatening or just plain silly. If you have to have differences, make sure they are really important.

3. Call off the lawyers, call in the counselors. When you are as far down the road near divorce as you are, the lawyers will tip you over the edge while a marriage counselor can pull you back from the brink. Marriages with expert counseling have the best chance of transformation and revival.

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Being faced with a divorce may be one of the most painful experiences a person can ever go through. When it happened to me I thought life as I had known it was over. I was desperate for a way to keep the divorce from happening! Are you in a similar situation right now? You can avoid a divorce and the good news is that you can do it even without your spouse's participation!

I'm not a doctor and I am not a marriage counselor. But I got my butt kicked around pretty good and discovered all kinds of ways NOT to save a marriage! In the process I stumbled almost by accident on the secret to avoiding a divorce when faced with one. Maybe secret is too strong a word but it was the complete opposite of what I had been doing, so it was definitely a revelation to me!

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

I discovered that by clinging to my wife and trying to desperately hang on to my marriage, I was actually causing her to pull away more! Does this sound familiar? Maybe you have tried begging and pleading with your spouse, made promise after promise to change, grown angry and frustrated etc. only to feel like you made the problem even worse. These are very common responses when you love someone and don't want to lose them. But the result will be the complete opposite of what you intended! So what do you do?

First of all, you will need to change the emotional state that you are currently in to a more resourceful emotional state. Second, you will need to acknowledge that your efforts up to this point have failed and that you need a proven technique. Third, you must commit 100% of yourself to saving this marriage, regardless of your spouse. And finally, you must be willing to take action! The best plan in the world will do you no good if you don't apply it.

After applying these things in my own marriage, I began to notice a change in myself, a change in my wife and a change in our marriage. It was nothing short of miraculous when considering she had been asking for a divorce.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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