Willingness to forgive is dependent on our explanatory or attributional style, on why we think people do what they do. People are scientists by nature: when we observe an event, we attempt to make sense of it. Making sense of the world is adaptive, necessary for survival. The more we understand about the world, the safer we feel. Say we just had a meeting with a co-worker, and after the meeting is over, we observe the co-worker forcefully shut the door as she enters her offic
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It May Be Time To Finish Unfinished Business Embracing a Psycho-Spiritual path in order to release past wounding is the overarching premise of this article. I say that âIt May Be Timeâ with all due respect because I donât know where you are on your own sacred journey. Those of you who are ready to finish your unfinished business will know that you are, as this theme will resonate with you; in fact particular instances may already feel as if they've begun to surface. To
Few people going through a messy divorce in mid-life would blame their own parents for their predicament. Neither would a business owner betrayed by a trusted partner normally think in those terms. A person who loses his job every five years would also not say that his grandfather was to blame. ...Few people going through a messy divorce in mid-life would blame their own parents for their predicament. Neither would a business owner betrayed by a trusted partner normally think in those terms. A person who loses his job every five years would also not say that his grandfather was to blame.
The need to seek revenge on wrong- and evil-doers is as ancient as Mankind. But people attempt to address their grievances in three ways: 1. Punitive-moralistic The aim of this type of vengeance is to restore justice and, with it, the victim’s view of the world as orderly, predictable, and causal. Perpetrators should be punished; victims should be soothed and elevated; and society should publicly acknowledge who is who and mete out opprobrium and succour respectively. This
Clearly, the days of profligate spending are over. But that doesn't mean we won't spend at all in the next few months and years. It's just that we will spend more wisely now. Just like our government is investing in infrastructure as a way to move our economy forward, we should be planning to ...Clearly, the days of profligate spending are over. But that doesn't mean we won't spend at all in the next few months and years. It's just that we will spend more wisely now.
Nothing enhances your standing amongst peers, customers, clients and business associates more than being a published author. They automatically assume: You are smarter than average You are an authority on your subject You deserve a lot of respect You are a person they can do business ...Nothing enhances your standing amongst peers, customers, clients and business associates more than being a published author. They automatically assume: - You are smarter than average - You are an authority on your subject - You deserve a lot of respectr
Today, leaders must deal with complexity, ambiguity and constant change. If leaders are to be successful, they must possess not only mental maturity, but also maturity of heart, mind and the human spirit. Tall order for us mere mortals, huh? The good news is that transformational leaders, those who truly make a difference, are developed, not born. How can you become a transformational leader?
Thereâs always some reasons why women leave men. When your girl has walked out on you, it can be really tough to figure out exactly why. She might not even give you the real reason behind her decision to leave you and that will only make it even harder. You must put some serious efforts into it if you really want to know the real cause. Here are the main reasons why women leave men: 1. A Change In The Relationship A lot of times, women leave because thereâs been some kind
With any breakup, there are plenty of strong emotions and great potential for long lasting harm. But the point of the greatest hurt is also the point of the greatest damage. That's normal. The challenge is to think beyond the pain and supposed consequences of a breakup and give consideration to unintended consequences and the words we use. We should not slam the door on later reconciliation and friendship. Unanticipated Outcomes One of the most common and most damaging method
For all that I go on about how money is just energy, has no meaning other than what we attach to it, and how there is no shortage of it, I still find myself feeling a lot of anger towards the guys on Wall Street who took an average of $12 million each in bonuses. The fact that they took the ...For all that I go on about how money is just energy, has no meaning other than what we attach to it, and how there is no shortage of it, I still find myself feeling a lot of anger towards the guys on Wall Street who took an average of $12 million each in bonuses.
Should Narcissistic Abusers Be Held Accountable for Their Actions? Excerpt from January 7, 2014 show on A Fine Time for Healing, Whether to Forgive or Not Forgive the Narcissistic Abuse Many recovering victims of narcissistic abuse struggle with the dilemma of whether or not to hold the narcissist accountable for his behavior. We learn in our recovery that narcissism is a personality disorder and wonder, “Isn’t having a personality disorder the same thing as having a mental
One of the most difficult things we humans have to encounter is to respond to evil with kindness, hatred with love, or compassion with cruelty- forgiving the unforgivable. We canât help but admire people who are capable of these exalted acts, but when that very thing is required of us personally, it seems inconceivable. Our default reaction seems to be anger, abhorrence, revenge, righteousness, depression, etc. Itâs human of course, to feel these default reactions- itâs
Not long ago, I saw an online video of a woman who described the wondrous things that manifested in her life once she forgave the man who killed her daughter. She said she worked hard to forgive - it took her several days. I start screaming at the screen, "Several days! Honey, you think that's bad? It's taken me years to forgive several people in my life, and months to forgive others! And none of these people killed anyone!
Never take yourself out of life. Many things will go on that may make you angry, or may seem unfair, but learning how to manage yourself and your feelings in those situations is a skill that's genius to learn! Every experience and every person you come in contact with has something to teach you.
Add appreciation and gratitude to your every day. Enhance the world around you with your smile. Smiling creates endorphins which send feel good messages to the brain. It's healing to you and those who receive it. Subtract any grudges you've been holding on to. For they reside within you. The only person you hurt is yourself. Learn to let go. Time exists in the present. What is done is in the past. It's history. Take away what's good in life. Nourish it, so it increases and expands. Come from inspiration, not from memory. What will be depends on what yo
Forgiving doesn't mean that you have to be best friends with - or married to - the person who hurt you. It simply means that you have reached a feeling of peace about the person or situation and have discharged your anger or resentment. The decision to take action after someone has hurt you is always a better one if you can wait until you have forgiven, at least in part. This is because your heart and mind are clear of dark emotions that dim your decision-making ability. So, you've gone through the process to forgive and have released much of your lingering anger and resentment.
We all draw relationship partners in accordance with our core beliefs. If you consistently attract emotionally unhealthy relationship partners, there is a pattern that you must break in order to recognize a balanced and devoted relationship. nnDuring my years of matchmaking I have found that relationship struggles are twofold: a psychological challenge to break free of controlling beliefs formed in childhood and a spiritual battle over negative thoughts concerning unresolved
Sharing an unhealthy relationship ultimately leads to the decision of a break up. People consider parting away a better option than staying together and arguing maximum times. But after they part away they realise that it is very painful to live without your love whenever you remember the beautiful moments the two of you had spend together. Getting over all this is quite difficult. People at times even feel the necessity to visit a doctor as they are unable to eat or even dri
It just seems to come out of the blue. That "Let's take a break" moment when it seems like your relationship is in danger. Your life seems to be caving in on you and your heart is left in ruins. Sure your friend and family are trying to comfort you and make you feel better, but they really don't know how real the pain you are experiencing is right now. The queasy feeling in your stomach, that lonely watery feeling that seems to follow you everywhere, and the fear that you cou
In every relationship there will be occasional misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Sometimes we are the one who hurt another person we care about; sometimes we are the one who has been hurt. Hurt feelings will occur in friendships, in intimate relationships, and even between two acquaintances that barely know each other. Sometimes both people have become very angry at each other, or both feel hurt. Hurt feelings can be the result of a slip of the tongue, a misunderstanding,
One of the reasons why I think people are reluctant to go through a process of forgiveness is because they just don’t want to revisit the pain. Let sleeping dogs lie! Why dig up the past? Just forget it! Who needs it, for God’s sake? But research is showing that this strategy ...One of the reasons why I think people are reluctant to go through a process of forgiveness is because they just don’t want to revisit the pain. Let sleeping dogs lie! Why dig up the past? Just forget it! Who needs it, for God’s sake?
How does gratitude work? What's the point of it? Will this new craze of daily gratitude be something that changes my life? If it did, what would it change, how would I be different? Isn't gratitude some kind of religious thing? Like meditation, gratitude has been sidelined with religious beliefs to be practiced once a week, if you attend some religious facility. However, is it really? I recovered a note from a friend from 1998: Thoughts for this week: Abundance:
What if you made this Valentine’s Day more than a day about hearts and flowers? What if you made this Valentine’s Day about expanding your love, taking it beyond whatever wonderfulness you now experience to something even more amazing? It’s doable, you know. And all it takes is giving your beloved the ultimate gift: forgiveness. Your sweetheart doesn’t have to have done anything awful for you to give him or her forgiveness. Certainly, you can work on forgiving big things, b
It'll Take Dyin' to Get It DonernStory of a 40 Year Forgiveness Sideways, in the back, running away, standing still and about any other way one could get it, I did. Don't be confused here. We're talking mental abuse-not physical, so relax. Messing with the mind is not such a biggee. No one can see it. So who cares?rnMy grandma always believed that God would never give her more of a burden than she could bear.rn"Strong people," she said, "Have heavier burdens because God knows
A shocked silence hung over the conference room. Barry (not his real name), usually a compassionate and even-tempered vice president, had just loudly berated one of his managers during a staff meeting. The accused manager was looking down at his hands with a reddened face and the other managers’ jaws had dropped at this unusual display of emotional mismanagement. Barry quickly ended the meeting and hurried to his office. Later, he told me about the situation. “I was at the end of my rope, Kristin.
Relationships thrill us, heal us, confound us, frustrate us. Every single one of us will struggle with them during the course of our lifetime. Relationships bring to us some of our most profound lessons in life. The people that we love the most are the ones that we open our hearts to. They may ...Relationships thrill us, heal us, confound us, frustrate us. Every single one of us will struggle with them during the course of our lifetime. Relationships bring to us some of our m
Forgiveness and the workplace -- seems like an odd juxtaposition, doesn't it? We do not often think of forgiveness as having anything to do with the workplace, but surprisingly, forgiveness is an essential practice of a highly effective work team. Thanks to recent psychological and medical research, we know that the act of forgiveness has many benefits to the individual. "People who are taught to forgive become less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious, less stressed, more confident, and they learn to like themselves more." (Dr.
Understandably, people everywhere are feeling that the old paradigm has let them down. They worked hard for years and years in order to create some security for their senior years and for their children and now they see it melting away. They are losing their jobs, their homes, their pensions ...Understandably, people everywhere are feeling that the old paradigm has let them down. They worked hard for years and years in order to create some security for their senior years and for their children and now they see it melting away.
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” ~ Mark Twain We are all likely to be wronged by others more than a few times in the course of our lifetime. Living in this imperfect world we will surely find ourselves faced with the dilemma of forgiveness, over and over. When someone that matters to us is hurtful, we will naturally feel painful emotions such as anger and sadness. We may find ourselves dwelling on the injustice of the sit
Forgiveness is like eating chicken soup for whatever ails you – it helps you feel better all over. You forgive others to help yourself – not to help the other person. Surprised? In my definition of forgiveness, the goal is to attain a feeling of peace toward a person who has harmed you. Forgiveness is like letting yourself out of jail – you release the hateful, vengeful thoughts that imprison you and make you feel bad every time you remember the hurtful incident. So if forgiveness is like chicken soup, what are the results of enjoying a steaming, savory bowl of the stuff?
No, not “I don’t care about you” – that would be awful! Just “I don’t care.” By itself. As in “I don’t care that you left your socks on the floor.” “I don’t care that you over/under-tipped the server.” “I don’t care that you were five minutes late.” Because here’s the thing: nothing kills romance faster than getting bugged about every little thing that’s different about how the two of you go about life. Certainly, there are major differences, critical differences, that must
What if you were built like a computer where you could run at full speed, operating multiple programs and all at once? If you’re like me, you attempt to do just this and then get frustrated, if you (or the computer) don’t change as quickly from one program as you deem necessary…what’s wrong with this picture? Could be a simple lesson in patience, but I suspect the real reason is today’s demands exceed your capacity. Let’s take another example: Compare your mind and body to a tank of gasoline.
The scene: a hip and fashionable downtown restaurant. A high-ranking manager of a technology company and several of his team members are enjoying lunch together to celebrate the team's recent achievement. As the conversation veers off onto casual topics, one of the employees excitedly explains about a new start-up company to which her cousin was named president, ending with, "Wouldn't you just love to be in her shoes?" The boss turns to her and says, "You wouldn't love that - you'd hate it.
Unless there is some genetic reason why you're overweight, there are many contributing factors to this problem. Eating the wrong foods, daily stress and being exposed to toxins in the environment rank high on the list. Eating the wrong foods refers to the impact that food has on the body. There are three food groups: protein, carbohydrates and fats. Each one of these groups is essential to the proper body and brain function. Protein is broken down into the system as amino acids. Amino acids are the building blocks for cell renewal. Some proteins are better than others.
As Thanksgiving looms, a familiar queasiness in the gut may be forming as you contemplate the annual family get-together. But I doubt your conce is about what dishes people are bringing for the table. Rather, my bet is you are worrying about the emotional baggage that everyone, including ...As Thanksgiving looms, a familiar queasiness in the gut may be forming as you contemplate the annual family get-together. But I doubt your conce is about what dishes people are bringing for the table.
The relationship of Will (Matthew Morrison), the music club director and Emma (Jayma Mays), the school guidance counselor at the start of the comedy-drama series typifies emotional infidelity. Both were into someone else but there was a strong emotional attraction between them. There was no physical involvement but their growing feelings for each other pulled them closer and aroused jealousy in their partners. A lot of factors can explain why this form of deception occurs. Fi
If you are like most people, you probably want to get your ex back after getting dumped. You find yourself wondering if it's even possible to ever get that relationship back. I want you to know, from personal experience, that it is absolutely possible. But Let me first warn you that this isn't going to be easy. But this is a potential outcome. So long as the two of you still have any sort of emotions for each other after the breakup, you can always get back together. This fee
Can you think of a colleague, co-worker or acquaintance who really annoys you, but is probably a pretty agreeable person unde eath their irritating qualities? Stated another way, are there people who make you bristle because of a certain aspect of their personality, but if you consider them with an open heart, you could find quite a few redeeming qualities? I can say yes to both of these questions, so I assume that you can, too. Psychologists tell us that the qualities in others that most irritate us are the qualities that we fear in ourselves.
I'll admit the term easy is a relative one. Let me rephrase the headline to read like this; If you choose to have a healthy mind and body, let go of unproductive habits, and are willing to make small but significant changes in your daily routine, read on. Whew! I feel better coming clean right from the start. Truth is, I witness so many people having difficult times in their lives, whether it's health, love or finances or all of the above.
"Timing is everything, and this is not the time," a colleague once said to me when I offered her a job that would require a move to another state. Her family situation didn't allow her to move at that time, but she left open the possibility that the timing could be right in a difference circumstance. I think this was a wise statement -- not just about jobs but about most decisions in life. The timing has to be right. The same can be said about choosing to forgive.
Have you said this to yourself: I have a great product so I need to get busy with the marketing; without fully doing market research or product research, or creating a business plan first? I call this putting the cart before the donkey. Can a cart actually pull a donkey? A donkey can ride in a cart, but what’s going to pull the cart? What I’m asking is: What is the engine that is going to run your business? Have you ever actually spent money before you had it in hand…knowing it’s coming soon?
In this straight forward and revealing interview, Chief Phil Lane Jr shares his heartfelt journey as he learns the powerful freedom and empowerment that comes from forgiveness. In this living oral history, Phil clearly and powerful shares his trials and tribulations and victories along the bumpy road of healing his own and social injustice ills.r
Did you know that there are many ways to "get my girlfriend back" you can try? Out of those many, there are a few that will work sometimes. There will be fewer still that work most of the time. When you combine some of the better methods for getting her back with a few changes in yourself you have a powerful punch to really knock her out; in a good way. What are some of the great ways to "get my girlfriend back" you need to do? Give her the space she needs. Relationships don'
I received an email from a reader in my response to my last article, sharing with me a very unfortunate incident that cost her something that is very important to her, and at the end of the email, she asked me, "How do I forgive?" I choose to address this question in today's article because to me, aside from gratitude and love, forgiveness is the most important ingredient for our healing process. With forgiveness, you can let go. With forgiveness, you can be at peace. With f
It is important that I forgive myself for being less then perfect as far as the physical goes. I know that I am the perfect expression of the Divine but I have, at times, made choices and acted in ways that went against that natural flow of good in my life. I forgive myself for not being the perfect person. I forgive myself for not pursuing my talents. I forgive myself for sabotaging my own success. I forgive myself for being negative towards myself and others. I forgive mys
Recent research has supported the benefits of forgiveness, especially its health benefits through the reduction of stress and negative emotion. So why do we often hesitate to forgive? Often our resistance to forgiveness is based on fear. What do we fear about forgiveness? Some of my students comment that they fear the other person's response when they ask for forgiveness or offer it. Others say that forgiving or asking for forgiveness makes feels vulnerable or weak. And some
It's not true what you've heard. Those who say you can't accomplish what you're passionate to achieve, and that you shouldn't even bother trying. Or those that remind you of others that are already doing something like what you've got in mind. As if it were true, there's only so much room for success. Too long the critics and critical voices have dominated our thinking, and left us in a semi powerless state. Somewhere between I might and I'll try. That way of thinking and I became good friends.
The healing power of forgiveness is like nothing you've experienced before. What most people don't understand is that when they forgive, really forgive, they actually set themselves free. It is the one who holds the pain or anger, or whatever the emotion is inside them that suffers most. The key to being free is to forgive. I know some situations are complicated, and it may be difficult to even consider the thought of forgiveness, but it is important to know that forgiving doesn't mean you carelessly abandon your principles.
Let me share a secret with you, it is referred to as the Law of Forgiveness. Because we are beings of energy, universal laws and principles govern our energy. These laws may be considered divine laws, imbued with Spirit. These laws dictate the results of our thoughts and actions. The Law of Forgiveness is one of these laws. Basically, we cannot purify ourselves as long as we harbor negative feelings of hate, anger, intolerance, criticism and other such feelings towards others
I’m sure most of you are familiar with 360 degree feedback. Most large companies administer these through their Human Resources to see how well an employee is living up to the objectives of the company and their individual department. It definitely plays an important role in personal and career ...
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