Browse Relationship Advice

What are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate"? The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate." All too often, when a partner states, "We can't communicate," what he or she means is "I can't get my partner to listen to me and understand things from my point of view." And unde eath this is, "If my partner only understood things through my eyes, he or she would then change and do things my way."

"Why do men so often change after sex?" asked Shelley in our first phone session. "Tell me what you mean by this. What has been your experience?" I asked her.

Whether you just got out of a relationship, or have been struggling to heal your broken heart for some time now, figuring out how to move on can be confusing, fear-inducing, and downright uncomfortable. Not only do you have to let go of your past, but you’ve got to be willing to embrace the unknown future. If the task sounds daunting, don’t worry. By unlocking the following seven secrets, you’ll unleash your personal reinvention and go from “I’ll never be the same” to “What was his name?” in no time!

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts. Older adults between the ages of 57 and 85 make sex an important part of their lives! That’s the results of the first comprehensive national survey of the sexual attitudes and behaviors of older adults as reported in the New England Journal of Medicine. And, as you might have guessed, our more than 25 years of research with successfully married couples offered the same conclusions.

There comes a point in almost any successful relationship where things calm down and cool off. There is no longer a major spark between the partners. They get comfortable in their relationship and develop a routine. They no longer find as much time to spend together. Often, this is not due to a lack of desire between the couple. Most often it is the fact that life gets in the way. They may have children or careers to deal with. They are busy and just do not have the free time that they had when their relationship was in the beginning stages.

The amount of time we get to spend with our partners is less and less. Commutes are longer, people often spend eight or ten hours at the computer and in meetings. Our increasingly complex lives also come with a host of professional, personal, and hobby-related commitments. As a result, the amount of quality time we have available to spend with our partner declines. Using technology to send an affectionate or a sexy text is a great way to create touch points with your love throughout the day.

Very often, in my work with my clients, when I ask them what they are feeling they say, "I feel sad." Often, they do not know why they feel sad. Sadness comes from two very different sources. Core Sadness Core sadness is sadness that is in reaction to something that is happening or has happened exte ally. Many life situations can cause sadness, such as:

Breaking up or getting a divorce might have been your idea. It could be that you, your partner or both of you were caught in destructive behaviors that could only be stopped by ending your relationship. Maybe there was abuse of some kind involved. Or perhaps the troubles in your relationship were less overtly damaging, but they seemed unresolvable and the dynamics were making you both miserable and unhappy. As much as you know, deep down, that ending your relationship and moving on with your life was the “best” decision, your heart might feel broken.

Whenever I’m at a dinner party and meet somebody new, the inevitable question comes up: What do you do? When I tell them I’m a heartbreak reinvention coach, it always leads to an interesting conversation. Usually, I get to hear the story of Their Big Breakup, and it’s always gut-wrenching, soul-shifting, and chock full of life lessons. Having written about my Big Breakup in my book It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown and the follow up workbook, I can tell you easily what my lessons were. In sharing them, I have discovered that they are pretty universal.

What is Emotional Dependency? Lydia consulted with me because her relationship with her husband, Andrew, was falling apart. Andrew had moved out, stating that he could no longer tolerate Lydia's neediness and constant pull on him to make her feel loved and secure. Now that they were separated, Lydia's emotional dependency was getting even worse. She was deeply addicted to Andrew making her feel better, if only through a brief text message.

In my work with couples, I often find a lack of trust at the root of many challenges they report. Trust is a Verb We have been taught to believe trust is a commodity to be earned by others. Once they have passed certain tests, then we feel safe to extend our trust. I would like to entertain ...

Clifford, 42, married with children, told me during a phone session that he was tired of not feeling happy and joyous. "As a small child, I remember being so happy and excited about life. But my parents didn't receive me at all. They were indifferent to my creativity and excitement." "Clifford, how did you feel when they didn't receive you?" "Shattered."

We've all seen cartoons in which a character shapes snow into a ball, perhaps to build a snowman. As the ball of snow is rolled, it grows bigger and bigger. Pretty soon that snowball is quite large and here comes a slope or hill... The next thing we see are the arms and legs of our beloved mouse, dog or other cartoon character sticking out from this gigantic snowball that is quickly rolling down the hill, continuing to grow and knock out anything in its way. Giant out-of-control snowballs are funny in cartoons, but there's nothing funny when jealousy snowballs in your relationship.

Many people don’t realize that they’re feeling emotionally abandoned or that they did as a child. They may be unhappy, but can’t put their finger on what it is. People tend to think of abandonment as something physical, like neglect.

Take a moment to go inside and see how you define success. Is your success defined by:

Years ago, when on a book tour for our book, "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", my ex-husband and I had dinner with a couple on the East Coast with whom he had become friends. I connected with Allison (not her real name) immediately. Warm and open, I could see that she was a deeply caring woman. On the other hand, her husband Ken, while overtly charming, had a huge black hole inside that felt like a vacuum cleaner sucking the energy out of everyone. His need for attention was overwhelming to me.

Many years ago, when I became a psychotherapist, all I knew was the traditional psychotherapy that I had learned in school, and that I had personally experienced with many different therapists and many different forms of therapy. For 18 years I practiced what I had learned, and I was never happy with the results.

"It's really important that you feel good. Because this feeling good is what goes out as a signal into the universe and starts to attract more of itself to you. So the more you can feel good, the more you will attract the things that help you feel good and that will keep bringing you up higher and higher." --Joe Vitale,?Author and Speaker The "Law of Attraction" states that like attracts like. Most Law of Attraction gurus state that there are four steps to manifestation:

Conflicting authority is the largest contributor to rebellion in children. When parents--authority--conflict it can cause rebellion in your children. You, as parents, need to have a united front for your children. Here are some tips on how this can be done. Rebellion is the result of conflicting authority. When authority can't provide a united front, it is very dangerous. There are several things you can do to provide a unified front before your kids. 1. Discuss rules and discipline together. Come to a full agreement on all aspects of it--before you implement them. 2.

The following article originally appeared on www.midlifebachelor.com on June 14, 2009 ... Choosing to invest in a new relationship directly affects your own level of personal happiness especially in the near-term ... and so it is extremely important to keep your eyes and ears open, and be aware of any potential incompatibilities as early as possible. There is absolutely no shame nor harm in cutting one's losses - because you are doing everyone a favor by ending it early if yo

What is Social Phobia? Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of interacting with others in various situations: groups, work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or store, and so on. People with social phobia experience extreme anxiety or panic when they know that they have to talk or interact with others. They often find themselves isolating rather than risk the rejection or ridicule that they fear.

Most of us have many goals in life. These goals might have to do with work, finances, relationships and family. Some of the goals that many people strive for are to feel worthy, loved, and valued. Many people spend much time in their lives seeking the approval of others, believing that getting this approval will finally give them the love, safety, security, and sense of worth that they desire. The problem with this goal is that it is an impossible goal to achieve, because it is not others' love, attention and approval that bring about a deep sense of self-worth.

Here's A Relationship Question From Jessica: Jessica says “I met B at a wedding a few months ago and we hit it off nice. After a few dates we started sleeping together and we’ve been in a relationship since then. The first 3 months were hot and heavy, but since last week B suddenly stopped calling me. Out of the blue. No fights or disagreement or nothing. We had great sex the last time I saw him. He hasn’t responded to my text messages or answered my calls. I drove past his house the other night, his car was there and the lights were on.

Exactly how do you go about apologizing to your boyfriend once you realize it's necessary? Apologies imply fault, and for many people, the two hardest things to do are to admit they were wrong and say they're sorry. These steps are designed to help your boyfriend overcome whatever issues he's dealing with now, so that he can accept your apology and the two of you can move on: How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend Step 1 Your timing can be critical. Trying to offer an apology whi

It’s time to get real with your relationships. Whether you are currently single or in a relationship, I invite you to ask yourself the following questions because this is part of the process of healing your relationships. In doing this you can heal those from the past, embrace the present and choose your future relationships with a new person or with your current partner. What do you want in a relationship? This may seem like an easy question yet it can produce some anxiety

Dear Dr. Neder: I have conflicting thoughts about whether or not it is okay for a female to initiate the conversation with the male. Many people that I know and even those on this board swear by the fact that it is the wrong thing to do. They say it will scare the man off or make him less interested or he'll think I'm easy or desperate. I have read your responses on this topic and I know you support the woman approaching the man.

Find a perfect man by Rosemary Price psychic. Most women long to find a perfect man and those who have a man are unlikely to be able to claim he is perfect. Either he has a fault or the excitement has gone out of the relationship. The perfect man has no faults and never becomes boring. How to find your perfect man will depend very much on you. Each woman has a different idea of what her perfect man would be like and what would be ideal for one might sound horrific to another.

There are two kinds of New Year's Resolutions: - What you are going to do to accomplish your goals - Who you want to be Many New Year's Resolutions are of the first kind: - I'm going to lose 25 pounds this year - I'm going to exercise every day - I'm going to learn self-discipline - I'm going to double my income - I'm going to learn to fly - I'm going to take piano lessons And so on....

We all want to be respected by others. And, we would all love to have control over whether or not others treat us respectfully. Is this realistic? Nigel, one of my clients, has a lot of confusion about this issue. He believes that people, especially his wife and children, "should" be respectful to him, and he gets very angry when they treat him disrespectfully - which they often do. What Nigel has failed to understand - which is what led him to seek my help - is that others are often a mirror of how we treat ourselves.

Lindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was "Mr. Right." "I am so heartbroken," sobbed Lindsay. "I don't know how I'm going to get through this. It feels like my heart is breaking apart. I love Jake so much and I thought he loved me too. I don't get how this could have happened, or why it happened. I feel like I can't live without him." "Tell me about your relationship with Jake."

CULTIVATING SEXUAL ENERGY Some questions I get are “how is sexual energy different than the rest of the energy of the body”. It isn’t different, it’s just how you channel and direct your energy as a whole. We need to first understand energy to understand how it moves and flows through the different areas of the body. Energy is in a continual flow throughout our body. The electrons have their own vibratory movements and rhythms. Our physical body learns to find its own rhythm and adjust to it.

Discover the difference between needs coming from emotional dependency and authentic needs that we have within a relationship. ________________________________________ Every few weeks I do a free webinar. People can listen on their computers or on the phone; they can write in asking questions or they can ask me directly on the phone. Here is one of the questions a woman – I will call her Susan - asked in a webinar on emotional dependency:

Jake was a party guy in college. He stayed up late, was the life of every social event he attended and was never without a date. In fact, Jake had a lot of dates and sexual partners during this wilder time in his life. Now, 5 years later, Jake has settled down a bit. He still lives life to the fullest, but he doesn't party the way that he used to-- and he's glad about that.

In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy." In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "active listen," which ...

I have spent many years trying to discover the ONE thing - the one vital choice - that leads to healing and joy, or to suffering. Over 35 years ago I discovered an essential piece of the puzzle: that we each have only one to two intents at any given moment - to protect against pain and responsibility for it, or to open to learning from our pain and take responsibility for it. In other words - to learn from pain or to run from pain with our various addictions.

How do I know if and when it's time to break up? There's a lot of good in the guy I’m dating, but the bad is unacceptable. What do I do? I keep waiting for the guy I’m seeing to make the changes I need. How long do I wait? And what if he never changes? Chances are, at some point in your dating past or present one or more of the above questions has weighed heavily on your mind. The truth is, there’s no one size fits all answer to these questions. However, your gut knows what you want and need to do. It's up to you to tune in, listen, and honor what you know is right -- for you!

The following are signs of a controlling relationship: 1. Flattery – Flattery is different than a compliment – A compliment adds to a person. It builds within you a sense of confidence free from any ulterior motives. Flattery on the other hand is insincere and selfish in its motive – which is simply to gain a greater sense of control. Flattery always deals with comparisons. The flatterer will privately build you up in the process of tearing others around you down. 2.

Expressing yourself is not always easy. There can be many things that go wrong when you try to express yourself. Misunderstandings are perhaps the most destructive communication mishaps in relationships. So how do you solve it? No method is perfect, especially when you are dealing with someone else's perceptions, feelings, and desires. Expressing yourself is not always easy. There can be many things that go wrong when you try to express yourself. Misunderstandings are perhaps the most destructive communication mishaps in relationships. So how do you solve it?

"Why would my boyfriend cheat on me?" "I'm pretty sure my wife is cheating on me. I want to know why." "I know that my husband has been cheating on me for years. I don't get why he does this." Why do people cheat on their partners? Why do others have affairs that their partners know about? Here are some of the reasons for cheating that I have encountered in my many years of counseling.

"He is always blaming me for the bad things that happen in his life, and then he tells me it's my controlling him that is making him so angry. He yells at me and puts me down rather than deal with his own feelings. How can I get him to see that he is the one trying to control me? How can I ...

The Encarta World English Dictionary defines "confidence" as "a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed." We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be very insecure. Personal confidence is totally different than professional confidence in that personal confidence is about who you are and professional confidence is about what you do. Personal Confidence

Any idiot can ramble on about in conversation and bore the bejesus out of their companions, and it is a legitimate fear for many that this embarrassing turn of events may happen to them at some point. We've all been there, stuck in conversation, trying to dig out of it by throwing everything we can think of out there. The best advice, however, is to simply find an interesting way to broach everyday questions. Here are 11 such questions. 1. Tell me about the most interesting

For many men (and women) it seems the word, relationship has become a “bad” word. Remember when you were in grade school, worried about getting caught using one of George Carlin’s “7 Words You Can Never Say on Television?” These words were loaded. You discussed them with your friends. You questioned their meaning. You practiced saying them, hoping you wouldn’t get caught, or that you had enough zeal, zest behind each one so that the syllables would roll off your tongue easily. Flawlessly. And in this same way, I hear women questioning the use of the “r” word.

There are four causes why women dump men. With as little as one of these things in the relationship, the woman will eventually leave the man. We will go over the four occasions so as you can see if your own relationship may need some improvement. The first basis is control, which can come from either the man or woman. When a man or woman is controlling, they will drive their partner away from them, even if the relationship is otherwise excellent. Women specifically like being

"I know what's coming when Robert says that we need to sit down and have a talk," Maryann told me in our phone session. "He wants to tell me everything that is wrong with me. It's not about talking - it's about wanting to have control over me. Last time he did this it was all about how I spend ...

Each of us experiences some kind of loss in this lifetime. People come and go from our lives, whether by choice or circumstance. How we cope with these events affects how we move forward, how we see the world, and how we feel about our lives. I’m not the only person to have been through a divorce. When my first marriage ended after 17 years, I thought I handled it well. It was an amicable parting, and we maintained a friendly relationship. But then a few years later my sister’s husband died unexpectedly.

This is what the dictionary says about what we mean by Humility: humility |(h)yo??milit?| noun a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness. But is this really enough to grasp the whole importance humility plays, or does NOT play in our lives? Is being humble a positive or negative trait? Humble (v.) and humiliate (v.) sound similar, but humiliate emphasizes shame and the loss of self-respect and usually takes place in public, while humble is a milder term implying a lowering of one's pride or rank. So, why and how is this important in a relationship?

It’s confusing, isn’t it? One moment you think you’ve found your soul mate, the next moment he’s stopped calling. You rack your brain for any clue that would explain his behavior. Nothing. Zero. You got along well, he worshipped the ground you walked on. He was smitten by you as much as you were by him. Or so you thought. Should you end the relationship now, while you can still crawl out of the black hole called love? After all, he’s not the only fish in the sea. Or

1. Safe relationships involve suspending judgment – I can’t begin to recount the times I’ve jumped to conclusions regarding my judgment of someone’s motives. Even though “what” someone has done is clear, “why” they did it is rarely as obvious. It takes time and patience to discover what is in someone’s heart and what motive was behind their behavior. 2. Safe relationships involve celebrating differences - The difference between you and others is a reason for celebration.

Self-responsibility both reflects and generates self-esteem. People with high self-esteem feel that they are in charge of their lives. They have a sense of agency and self-efficacy. They take responsibility for their feelings, actions, and lives. It also means that you take responsibility for the consequences of your choices and behaviors, both positive and negative outcomes, rather than blame yourself or others. It requires a desire to review and learn from your mistakes in order to seek solutions and improvement.r