1. The grass is not always greener over there.
There is a gift or opportunity right where I am if I will only take the time to think and reflect. After all if I’m thinking about their grass, I’m missing my own. My energy is better spent just being grateful I have grass.

2. Bigger is not always better.
What matters is quality and joy, not size. Why not try playing a higher game as opposed to a bigger one? Or focus on enjoying more fully what you currently have before planning for more or bigger?

3. It’s not “their’ fault.
If I take care of what I need to take care of (me), focus on and change me (who is the only one I can change) and look for what I have in common with the other (take a walk in their shoes) what might I learn? Ask: what is my responsibility in this situation?

4. Everyone’s standards are not the same as mine.
I admit I’ve got this perfection streak, which is so hard to stay on top of.
Would I really wish that anybody else would have to work so hard to attain perfection as I do? Not if I want them to be happy…perhaps we can meet in the middle somewhere. I’m learning it’s okay to give a little.

5. Education is critical.
Today education is more important than ever. Not just getting the required education, but college, post-graduate, and continued learning, reading and pursuing as long as we live. Smart leaders know you never stop learning!

6. I’m far more creative than I give myself credit for.
I never saw myself as creative, then I look at the way I dress and my home and I think perhaps I was mistaken. I realize now I’ve used my creativity to create a career and since I’ve been working for myself for 30 years; it must be working. I also know that self-doubt, fear, and judgment shut down my creativity.

7. We’re always leading; question is who and where?
You lead yourself, your family, your animals, your team, your committee, and your staff. Look at your intention within each of these areas; where do you intend to take them? What do you want the end result to be?

8. We will never get “there”.
So many people are like a kid on a tricycle with a carrot dangling from a fishing pole tied to the front handlebar. The faster the kid pedals, the faster the carrot moves. He will never catch ‘there’ unless he figures out what’s really happening and grabs it. Are you pedaling and getting nowhere?

9. All we really have is this moment.
As in the example above, catching the carrot in the moment is the only way to experience the carrot. The past is what books are written about and the future is but an idea.

10. It’s never too late to accept and learn from our childhood.
When people complain about not having a nurturing childhood, I always want to ask them, “And what do you want to do about it?” It’s obvious we can’t change the past or rewrite history. It’s also not likely that blaming our parents will get us anywhere. Regardless of ‘them’ we’re old enough now to use it as a springboard for our future. What if the size of your challenge is an indication of your destiny?

11. If you only look at the outside, you only get 10% of the picture.
We can’t accept everything at face value. They may look like Dapper Dan or Marvelous Marilyn on the outside, but learning about ‘who’ a person really is, the ‘inner self’ is where we really get to know someone. Their beliefs, values, needs, desires, goals, spending habits, how they treat others, level of integrity, faith and what motivates them. These are the real things of a person.

12. The labels may all look different, but the inside may all be green beans.
When we don’t learn the ‘inner self’ of a person, all we know is the relationship just didn’t work or the partnership was not what we wanted. They just don’t make good (you fill in the blank here) anymore. The truth is you keep choosing the same person they only look different on the outside.

13. Until you understand and accept your own beans, you can’t move on to the peaches.
Know thyself is a principle that has been around a long time and its time we paid more attention to it. The more I learn and grow myself, the higher level of relationships I will attract. Remember like attracts like. So if you’re attracting people who aren’t happy, on time, untrustworthy, etc. Grow yourself - get a coach, a therapist or a self- help book. Peaches are so much sweeter than beans!

14. My worth doesn’t come from a spotless house.
Oh! I do love a clean house, but I’ve learned over the years my energy and focus is better spent on getting my message out into the world, my work.I may have books and papers all over my breakfast-room table, but its creativity in motion and when I come to a natural stopping place, I tidy up and that feels good too, but its not everything.

15. My house does need to be in order, since my environment is important to my productivity.
There is a difference between spotless and orderly. Order is one of my needs, it brings me peace and it helps with productivity. So the books and papers need to be in some semblance of order and not all areas of the house can be out of order, perhaps one or two at the time.

16. I don’t have to answer every phone call or email.
I’ll admit it’s difficult not to answer the phone or that little sound the email makes when it arrives in my inbox; so best to turn that puppy off when I need to focus. The phone I answer when I’m expecting a call or don’t have anything else to do…they’re usually selling or surveying anyway.

17. I can say “No” respectfully without explanation.
Yes, I can. When it gets difficult is when it’s someone you care about and they don’t know what “No” means or refuse to accept your “No”. Perhaps it’s time to re-think the relationship.

18. I’ll usually be disappointed if I have expectations.
This applies to the ‘someone’ mentioned in # 17; they will be disappointed in my “No” if they have expectations of a “Yes”. You get the picture since it works both ways. Is the other person even aware if my specific expectations?

19. If I want to be acknowledged, I can acknowledge myself.
I know when I’m doing a good job. I know when I’ve gone above and beyond. I know when I deserve a pat on the back and can certainly give it to myself. I also know when to acknowledge that I need do no more or nothing. It does feel good to have someone else acknowledge me but I don’t have to have it or expect it, although definitely like it.

20. Being different is not necessarily bad.
If we were all alike what life be? Boring! People often act differently than I would like but that again is about expectations. At the core, we all want love and acceptance, just have very different ways of asking for it.

21. I feel better when I look for what’s right in the world vs. what’s wrong.
Yes I do and you will too. The more we focus on what we want, what’s right, the more we can actually hardwire our brain for positivity.

22. When I compare myself to others, nobody wins.
This is a tough one because we are such a competitive society but the fact remains, if I judge myself to be better/smarter/prettier/richer than someone else, I feel guilty or arrogant that they don’t have “it” and I do.
If I judge another to be less than me in some way, I still feel guilty because I have “it” and they don’t. So I just attempt to not compare.

23. Friends keep my heart warm and my life joyful.
I am so blessed to have many friends and such a variety of ages, cultures, backgrounds, professions and likes and dislikes. I may have several friends I love to converse with, other movie friends, a couple of shopping friends, an ‘oldest’ friend, and a book club that loves to read.Friends are the best!

24. Relationships are forever (you still have memories and sometimes kids). I have one ex-husband, many ex-boyfriends, step-children, ex-bosses, ex-girlfriends of my two sons, friends I have not seen in years (except FB), my decreased parents and husband and still they and the gifts they gave me are with me every day. Just because you can’t physically see a body, doesn’t mean it’s over.

25. I will never be able to wear 5” heels, look like a model or get enough sugar.
Life is good, but some things were just not meant to be…or else they’re just more trouble than they’re worth.

• This has actually been fun…what do you wish you’d known sooner?

Author's Bio: 

Judy Irving is an author, executive and leadership coach and a corporate trainer. Judy weaves spiritual principles and logical common sense into her life experiences and wisdom to aid others to become all they are meant to be. She is on faculty at Coach U and performs wedding ceremonies for fun.
www.movingon.net and www.weddingvowslasvegas.com