5 Secrets to “Unshakeable” Self-Confidence

5 Secrets to “Unshakeable” Self-Confidence

When you are grounded, focused, and self-assured, you will be unstoppable. You will be free to express yourself, share your unique skills, talents and gifts with the world. You will be able to accomplish things in your personal and professional lives that you never even knew you had in you. Here are five strategies to help you develop the level of confidence that you need to succeed and to perform at your very best in all areas of your life.

• Engage in positive self-talk – Negative thoughts can sabotage your success if you let them. That’s the bad news. The good news is that you can do something to prevent those negative, doubtful thoughts from shaking your confidence and bringing you down. In fact, you can transform them into positive empowering thoughts that will increase your likelihood of success. It just takes awareness and practice.

Practice listening to the little voices in your head. The little voices that say things like, “I can’t do this,” “I’m not ready,” “What if I mess up?” When you catch yourself entertaining these thoughts, stop and realize that you don’t have to accept them or hang on to them. Then, reframe the negative thought. Replace it with a positive and empowering thought. For example replace the negative thoughts with the following: “I am competent and capable,” “I am so ready for this,” or “I can handle whatever comes my way!”

• Don’t strive for perfection – It is incredibly difficult to come across as confident if you are terrified of making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, or embarrassing yourself in some way. When preparing to speak in front of a group, I used to rehearse over and over again so that I could get everything down just perfect. I was so focused on having everything go exactly as planned that it prevented me from really being “with” the audience. A huge turning point in my speaking career was when I realized that people prefer “realness” to “perfection.” In fact, many times people will become more endeared to you when you make a little mistake because they will see you as a human being, someone who they can relate to, and as someone who is comfortable enough to be themselves. When you are free from pressure to perform and free from self-consciousness, you create the space for others to be themselves with you, which is a real gift that you can give to others!

• Find a way to get grounded – Before you begin your day, before you walk into that meeting, or before you stand up to give that presentation, always take a few moments to collect yourself, get present, filter out any random and distracting thoughts (including those of negativity and self-doubt) and focus on the task at hand.

In the movie Hitch, starring Will Smith and Kevin James, Will Smith’s character, Hitch is a dating coach and Kevin James’ character, Albert is his client. As Hitch prepares Albert to attend a fancy party with the beautiful woman he has a crush on, he tells him to meditate on the image of an iceberg. Hitch tells Albert that he wants him to visualize this image because ninety percent of an iceberg’s mass in beneath the surface. Hitch wants Albert to be confident and grounded with his feet firmly planted on the ground. That’s how grounded and confident you can be if you invest a few second to mentally prepare yourself. If you do, you will carry yourself with confidence and power. Use the image of an iceberg if it works for you, or find another empowering thought or image to focus on.

• Fall in love with yourself – Lucille Ball once said “Love yourself first and everything falls into place” and I have found this to be true. When you like and believe in yourself, you allow others to do the same. You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Bestselling author Louise Hay wrote the powerful and inspiration book, You Can Heal Your Life and in it she explains that no matter what the problem is, the only thing she works on with anyone is “loving the self.” She says loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. She explains that it is not about vanity or arrogance or being “stuck-up,” it is about having a great respect for ourselves and a gratitude for the miracle of our bodies and our minds.

Hay recommends practicing looking into a mirror and saying to yourself, “I love you and accept you exactly as you are.” Most people have difficulty with this practice and if it sounds silly to you, you probably need it more than you know! Another idea is to raise your awareness of what sort of things you say to yourself. Do you belittle or doubt yourself, or underestimate your abilities? You can become wildly successful if you learn how to be your own best friend and how to tell yourself positive and inspiring things.

• Create a “pick me up” file – Sometimes your selective memory highlights your challenges, failures, and shortcomings. You’re so tough on yourself that these experiences stand out like an ugly, prickly sore thumb. Every time you think about them, your confidence dips and you sink down. You begin to worry that your next experience is going to be an instant replay. You can begin to change this pattern by retraining your memory, just like you’ve started to retrain your negative thoughts!

Start by creating a “pick me up” file, a place where you can store reminders of all of your successes, triumphs and notes of praise. It can be a physical file or an electronic file on your computer. Pick the one that you are most likely to use. Add thank you notes and notes of praise and appreciation from your family, team members, clients, bosses, employees, etc. Include documents related to your victories to serve as powerful reminders. You can also include photos, which are a powerful way to jog your memory and create the same “feel-good” emotions that you experienced when it was still fresh. You can take a picture of yourself right after the positive and empowering event or capture something that represents the outcome you produced.

For this to really work for you, you have to visit and review your “pick me up” file often and especially before your “big” days and events. As author David Storey once said, “Self-confidence is the memory of success.”

Turn these practices into daily habits to gain the most benefit. Nurturing your self-confidence is an ongoing process. There may be times when you feel your confidence drop, in those situations, come back to these secrets and rebuild your confidence. The more your practice, the faster you will be able to get out of your slump and get your “mojo” back!

Start by selecting one of these secrets and focus your attention on it in the coming week and start to see your self-confidence skyrocket! Then, move on to practice the remaining four, and in five weeks, you will feel a significant difference and the people around you will take notice!