"Experiences From 'The Flow' (13) - Farang: Compatibility Issues II."

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”

*Below is the thirteenth episode in a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

“Compatibility” is the degree in which you and your partner are similar in temperament, well-suited for each other, well-matched, like-minded, etc.

Since we must first know what we really want before we can gauge compatibility, we began the process of identifying personal needs and desires.

We brainstormed.

We used unbridled imagination to come up with Your List.

We continue the process in this article with the following steps: Prioritizing the items on Your List, Ranking, Pruning, and Reality Checks.

(Short Aside)

My Friends:

You may have noticed that, lately, my articles have been smaller in size.

Reason?

Many readers have commented that, although my articles are enjoyable, informative, and absorbing, they tend to be much longer (over 2,000 words) than the usual articles (800-1000 words). Consequently, many readers simply don’t have the time to read them in one sitting – the aim of all good articles.

So, in a rare instance of acquiescence, I am submitting a series of medium-sized articles aimed at those who believe smaller articles are more palatable.

Don’t worry. The size of the article will not restrict the amount of content published.

I will just write more articles!

- About this article -

I acknowledge the fact that Western/Asian relationships don’t always consist of a Western Man and an Asian Woman. There are many Western Woman/Asian Man relationships, as well as Man/Man and Woman/Woman couples out there.

But, since the overwhelming majority of Western/Asian couples are composed of a Western Man and an Asian Woman, this article addresses their issues and assumes that they are the primary audience for the information submitted below.

- Brief Recap -

In “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) …,” we discussed one of the two main reasons why relationships fail: Miscommunication.

Then, in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) …,” we began discussing the second main reason for relationship failure: Incompatibility.

Remember, “Compatibility” is the degree in which you and your partner are similar in temperament, well-suited for each other, well-matched, like-minded, etc.

Since we must first know what we really want before we can gauge compatibility, we began the process of identifying personal needs and desires.

We Brainstormed.

We used unbridled imagination to come up with Your List.

We continue the process in this article with the following steps: Prioritizing the items on Your List, Ranking the items, Pruning Your List, and Interpretation.

- Prioritize: Vital or Important? -

Okay. Let’s charge on.

Look at Your List.

Some items will seem to jump off the page. Those items stand out as Vital (can’t live without) items to you. These are the things you absolutely require from your partner.

Other items, while not Vital, are Important nonetheless.

If an item is neither Vital nor Important, it probably would not have made it on Your List in the first place.

But there must have been a reason why you listed it. Don’t delete any items. Keep all of them for now.

Just classify them as at least Important.

- Rankings -

Starting with the “V” items, rank each item against each other. Which “V” items are more vital than others. Rank (number) them in the order of significance to you (i.e., your biggest need or desire is #1, and so on).

Now look at the “I” (Important items).

Of the “I” items, which items are more important than the others? Number them accordingly – beginning with the next number of the last ranked “V” item. For example, if the last “V” item was ranked as #5, the first “I” item should be ranked (numbered) #6.

Again, we are not editing Your List yet. We are simply re-arranging the items to reflect their relative personal significance.

- Pruning: Reality Check No. 1 -

It’s time to begin making Your List match reality – somewhat.

Look at Your List.

Are their any items that even Super Girl or Wonder Woman could not accomplish (e.g., that “Monthly 7-Day Sex Marathon” you listed as “V” item #1!)?

These types of items should be modified or deleted.

Maybe you could modify “V” item #1 to 18 hours?

Next, are there any items that are mutually exclusive? That is, do you have items on Your List that are so different, opposite, or rare that you would be hard pressed to get them from any one person?

Kind of like the tri-lingual, natural blonde, Asian you listed as “V” item #2, #3, and #4?

Decide which mutually exclusive, opposing item is more important. Then scratch the lesser one.

I’d scratch “tri-lingual” and maybe “natural blonde” from the list. That would leave me with a realistic standard: “Asian”.

- Status of Your List -

If you’ve done all the steps outlined in this article so far, you should now:

1. Have a list of your needs and wants (Your List).
2. Each item on Your List should be classified as Vital (“V”) or Important (“I’).
3. All items (starting with the “V” items) should be ranked (numbered) – in the order of significance to you – against each other.
4. Your List should contain items that are humanly achievable.
5. Your List should be free of conflicting, mutually exclusive items.

- Reality Check No. 2: Does she? Can she? -

Look at Your List.

Does your partner (or prospective partner) give you what you want, especially the top-ranked “V” items? If so, great.

Do your realistically believe this blissful state of affairs will continue? Again, if so, fantastic!

If not, why?

Maybe, currently, SHE CAN’T.

Ask yourself plainly; is she capable of giving me what I want?

Let’s say that you may need intellectual stimulation, but she never finished High School, doesn’t like to read, and is quite averse to going back to school. Obviously, your need can not be filled by this particular woman.

What if you crave companionship, but you only see each other a couple hours a day because her and your work schedules conflict?

Or, what if you love outdoor sports and activities, but she avoids sunlight (because she doesn’t want darker skin)?

Accept it. You two are simply not compatible in those areas.

And if an unfulfilled need is a truly a “can’t live without” item, it’s best to move on.

- Will she, will you? -

Look at the things you want, but are not getting.

Is your partner willing to learn how to fulfill your unmet desires? If not, you two will always be incompatible.

Accept it. Move on.

If she is willing to learn how to meet your needs, are you willing to wait for her? If not, you two are incompatible.

Accept it. Move on.

- Reality Check No. 3: Pluses and Minuses -

Assign a Plus (+) to the following items:

1. You are now getting it from your partner. You believe that this is not a temporary thing (i.e., you think you’ll get this need fulfilled or desire met for a long time).
2. You are not getting an item, BUT she is willing to learn how to give it to you AND you are willing to wait for her.

Assign a Minus (-) to the following items:

1. You are not getting it from your partner AND she is not capable to give it, nor is she willing to learn.
2. You are not getting it from your partner; she is willing to learn how to give it to you, BUT you are not willing to wait for her.

In the next article, we continue the process with: Weighing the Pluses and Minuses.

(Continued in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’(14) - Farang: Tipping the Scale. Good or Bad?”)

“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”

Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Farang, Asia, relationship, compatibility, prioritize vital, important, ranking, reality, capable, incapable, willing, unwilling.

Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES...”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com

By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright February 2008
(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)