Now Introducing- The Love of Your Life!

I can’t tell you how many friends, colleagues and clients I speak with who struggle endlessly to find the “Love of their Lives.” It is a quest that one would hope would be full of adventure, excitement and beauty. However, it is most often a road of disappointment, frustration, hurt and loneliness. Sure there are bits of excitement, intimacy and joy, but for some reason the beautiful experiences are fleeting and down right elusive for many people.

As a Life Coach, I am committed to breaking destructive patterns, so let’s end this one right now. I am about to introduce you to the “Love of Your Life!” No more aching, searching and struggling for you! Whether you are single, dating, or even married, this is an introduction you do not want to miss!

First, let me describe this person to you and see if you can identify him/her. I’m hoping you can, because he/she is already a part of your life.

He/She is magnetic; people are naturally attracted to him/her because of a glow, energy, an inner sense of confidence and peace. She/He moves in the world with grace and dignity; totally comfortable in his/her skin. He/She tackles every challenge with a sense of excitement and play. He/She does not fear change, but embraces it as a chance to learn and grow. He/She takes him/herself lightly; understanding that mistakes, and even failures, are the stepping-stones to ultimate success. She/He is the person that people think of first when they want to share something wonderful or when they need a shoulder to cry on. She/He has been aching to tell you how much they love you and reveal the truth that they are the “Love of Your Life”.

He/She can’t wait any longer. It is time you know that the “Love of Your Life” is, well, it is You! You, both as you are now and as you can and will be in the future!

That’s right! You are the “Love” you seek. I don’t mean this in a narcissistic sense. I am not intonating that you are “better” than anyone else. I am also not suggesting that you don’t need to look outside of yourself for friendship and/or love. Actually, I propose that it is almost the polar opposite of this; at least as it relates to your struggle to find the “Love of Your Life”.

My personal and professional experience convinces me that people seek some external “Love of Their Life” because they, on some level, feel incomplete and unrealized without that certain someone we call the “Love of Our Life”. However, if you will entertain this idea with me, you will see that discovering the “Love of Your Life” within yourself actually creates a powerful, magnetic attraction that compels others to want to know you and be with you.

By discovering yourself as your ultimate “Love” you invite the very real possibility of attracting not only one, but many kindred spirits into your realm of experience. You become the master of your life and guardian of your love. You create, rather than wait, for your destiny! In the words of William Jennings Bryan, "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not to be waited for, it is to be achieved."

The “Love of Your Life” is your refuge; your protector; your companion. Who can do this for you better than you? You are the only thing or person in your life that you have access to twenty-four hours a day. So the greatest gift you can offer yourself is to embrace and celebrate the fact that the “Love of Your Life” is You.

Time for an introduction don’t you think? So, (state your name here), I’d like to introduce you to a most amazing person, your ultimate companion. Say hello to (state your name here)!

I love match-making!

Now that you’ve been properly introduced, it is time to work! Yep, you heard me correctly. All relationships require work. But it is fun work, with huge payoffs. This work is like a Life Make-over. You get to mold the “Love of Your Life” into all that you desire to have in a true companion.

The process begins with some probing questions for you to answer.

What qualities do you admire in others? What attracts you to potential partners emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically, etc.? Take a piece of blank paper and list all of the qualities, attributes, and down right nitty gritty stuff you have always imagined the “Love of Your Life” would have.

Please, for your own benefit, do not read on until you have taken out a sheet of paper and made this list—it is foundational to the process I will be guiding you through next.

Now, look at your completed list. Place a check beside each of those attributes you already possess. Whether you have checked several items or only a few, you now have the beginnings of a resource you need to become the ultimate “Love of Your Life”! How do you look to yourself? Be honest! Feeling any attraction to this person?

The next step is for you to circle the attributes you could stand to improve. (You will likely circle some of the same items that you’ve already checked.) Also, circle those attributes which you could, but do not currently, possess. You should now have a list with items that are either unmarked, circled and/or checked.

Those items on your list that are neither circled or checked at this point are those attributes that you could not, and likely would not, like to change or posses (e.g. if you wrote that you are looking for a particular body shape unique to the opposite sex or outside of the realm of possibility for you, it should be unchecked and un-circled).

Finally, look at those items that are not checked or circled. Determine if there is a descriptive word or phrase you could replace those items with that would more accurately describe you and be truly attainable by you. For example, if you are a woman you might have said that you want a physically fit partner with a tall, muscular build. Try replacing this with a descriptive physical condition you already embody or could achieve such as “a healthy, toned body that is full of energy”.

Once you’ve replaced all of the items with their counterparts, go through them one last time and repeat the first and second processes. Check items you already possess. Then, circle items which you could either improve/strengthen or work to attain.

Once you have completed your list take a new piece of paper and put your attributes into three columns. The first column will have qualities you already possess in full (items with only a check mark on your original list). The second column should include qualities you possess but want to strengthen/improve (items with a check and a circle). Finally, the third column will have attributes you do not have but can develop/attain (those items which are only circled).

Now you have the beginnings of a resource to help you discover and fully create the “Love of Your Life”! This is not a static process however. This is a living, breathing document. As you work with this resource and yourself over time, feel free to update, add, delete or move items from one column to another as appropriate. In fact, if you are being intentional about using this tool, you will need to make changes to the columns regularly since, as you will see in the instructions listed in the final section of this article, you will be in a constant state of growth.

Now for instructions on how to use the tool you’ve created. This is a work plan for developing yourself into the “Love of Your Life.” This is a simple but powerful, life-changing challenge. Here is what you do: Take one item out of each column and focus on those three items for a set period of time. The length of time is entirely up to you. It could be a week, a month, or three months. Whatever fits easily into your life schedule.

During this designated time your job is to do the following:

1. Intentionally celebrate the attribute you already possess in full. Use it as often as you can and make that strength known to others so they regularly call upon it. If they know about it, they will, so let it shine!

2. Look for ways to develop and grow the attribute you chose that you possess but want to make even stronger. Ask friends, colleagues, mentors, or your coach to support, encourage and challenge you to stretch and develop this attribute. Work it!

3. Take that one quality you claim not to possess and look for people who do. Ask them to mentor or coach you. Ask them how they developed this attribute in themselves. What would they recommend that others do in order to fully develop this attribute in their life? Whatever they suggest, if at all possible, try it at least once. Especially if it scares you! Risk is a proven stepping-stone to success.

"Those that say they never got a chance never took one."
Anonymous

Now you have the model you need only to continue to implement it. When you have followed through with the timeframe you set for the first three attributes, pick one item from each column again and repeat the above listed steps. You may wish to change timeframes depending on the items/attributes you choose to work on. Keep repeating this cycle until you’ve worked your way through each item in each column.

Always feel free to choose a quality twice. This provides you with opportunity to complete a cycle while still continuing to celebrate, strengthen, or develop a specific attribute you want to continue to work with. However, focus on only one item from each column at a time. This means you will be working on a maximum of three items during any designated timeframe.

If you will commit to adopting and delighting in this model of personal growth, you are ready for the most spectacular relationship you’ve ever experienced!

Your intentional commitment to becoming the “Love of Your Life” will provide your life with a richness you have likely not experienced before. It will also, naturally and exponentially, enrich the lives of those whom you touch.

I guarantee that you, and those people in your life, will sense and see that sparkle, that special glow that only comes from being “in love”.

When they ask what your glowing about you can proudly say, “I met the Love of My Life!”

Copywrite 2006 Angel C. Hale