Are You Letting the Economy Set the Mood for Your Marriage?

If you and your spouse are struggling with marriage problems right now, you have an even greater challenge than usual--and that is to stay focused and committed in spite of the current economic crisis and dire predictions.

It’s difficult to stay proactive and positive when you’re surrounded by such fear and negativity, but it’s important not to let the gloomy financial news and forecasts set the mood for your marriage or determine the outcome.

If you get disheartened by all the dire predictions for the future, this will affect your attitude and energy level. As a marriage coach, I see all-too-often what happens when a spouse becomes negative and pessimistic. The negativity impacts the interactions with the partner and can end up leading to a marriage separation or even divorce.

It’s vital that you not let the troubling economic news and forecasts dampen your energy and commitment to finding ways to solve the marriage problems. The real threat to marriages isn't the depressing economic situation -- it's the fear and stress that it can cause.

When a spouse is fearful, his or her ability to be a creative problem-solver decreases. And under stress, it's not unusual for couples to turn their fear, anger, and anxiety onto each other. This compounds the problem and makes everything seem even more hopeless.

Unhappy marriages are already prone to discouragement and resignation, which is why it’s so important to have a strategy for preventing the natural tendency to keep sliding downhill.
Here are ten tips for surviving the economic crisis with your marriage intact:

1. Limit the time you spend watching the news and reading gloomy predictions. You are affected by what you see and hear, spend time thinking about, and talk about. Your mood and attitude will affect your interactions with your spouse.

2. Be choosy about who you socialize with. Avoid or limit time with negative individuals and couples. Ask yourself whether the people you're choosing to be with are raising your spirits or depressing them. This is not the time to infuse your marriage with doom-and-gloom prophets.

3. Watch the words that you use in talking to others and in your self-talk. Talking about how horrible things are will only bring you down and make it more difficult to create the positive type of marital relationship that you want. Bad moods and negativity are contagious and can contaminate everyone around you.

4. Be proactive about increasing the positive influences in your life. Surround yourself with upbeat people and positive experiences. Spend time with other couples who are focused on good things, rather than the current state of the union. Plan positive experiences, such as going to church together, seeing a light-hearted movie, or enjoying fun weekend outings. Seek out inspiring quotes, books, and audios that are uplifting.

5. Take care of yourself. Decrease the stress in your life by taking action to feel your best. Eat healthy, get extra rest, explore meditation, take a yoga class or Tai Chi class, and schedule time for relaxation and recreation. The better you feel, the more energy and emotional stability you'll have to use in building a better marriage.

6. Own up to your part in bringing the mood of the marriage down. Become aware of when you're projecting your own bad mood, fears, anxiety, or stress onto your partner. Take responsibility for your own moods and issues and own what's yours to resolve instead of blaming your mate.

7. Live in the NOW. Practice keeping focused on the present moment and spend less time ruminating about mistakes in the past or worrying about possible disasters in the future. When you're fully present in the moment, you have increased access to your creativity and personal power--abilities that you need to keep your marriage healthy.

8. Keep your expectations positive. Expect the best outcome possible. Expect that you and your partner will find creative solutions to your marital problems. Hold the vision of an improved, rewarding relationship that is satisfying to both you and your mate. Believe that people and relationships can change for the better.

9. Look for the best in your partner and keep a gratitude list of the blessings in your life and in your marriage. It takes discipline and practice to choose to focus on the positive instead of being dragged down by the negativity around you. If you build up your ability to be more consistently positive, you'll be stronger individually, and you'll be stronger as a couple.

10. Focus on solidarity. Work on developing a spirit of teamwork and partnership with your mate. Together you can weather the storm and nurture hope and optimism in your marriage. As a team, you can brainstorm and come up with creative ways to resolve the relationship problems. Consider going to marriage counseling to help you make faster progress.