Are You Living an "If...Then" Life?

Do you find yourself thinking, “If he/she would be more supportive, then I could feel better about us,” or “If I don’t get a raise soon, then I am ruined…”? “If…then” thinking is a vicious circle that can block our own empowerment, but it can also be an opportunity.

Last Sunday I noticed this “if/then” concept tripping from my own lips…I wanted my husband to behave or really react to an incident the way I wanted. If he did this, then I could let go. What??? Did I really frame my response, my mental/spiritual well-being, on his behavior? Red lights flashing – what is really going on here?

Fortunately, the incident in question happened as I was on the way out the door to a sound healing mediation group – so I was able to detach and really see my crippling “if/then” thinking. Why is it crippling? Because his behavior/reaction was the barometer of how I would feel. I was willingly giving and blaming him for my emotional well-being. The silent dysfunctional pattern of co-dependence…

Let me go further in saying “if” implies two things – not being present and fear. The “not being present” speaks to time – you are either worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet or something that has happened in the past, only to repeat again, maybe. The fear is sticky – appearing a little different for each of us on the outside, but at is core is a longing for love, acceptance…to be enough.

I invite you to watch your own language for this “if/then” pattern…I think you will be surprised to discover how this concept sneaks into our thinking only to cause problems. If you discover this pattern, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and explore what is really going on… Are you trying to control the situation as to give yourself the illusion of “everything is ok” or safety?

Try meditating, jou
aling or go for a walk by yourself to explore what is really going on within. Remember, you are half way there - seeing where you are tripping yourself up is half the lesson. You have the choice to continue tripping in this old pattern or to go within and discover a new response…Here’s to a new day!