Hey Dr. Neder!

I've been reading through some of your answers and one common piece of advice you give women is to not play stupid games. Girls do it all the time and 9 times out of 10, it completely screws everything up for them and she ends up not getting what she wants out of the relationship. This all makes complete sense! After all who wants to be involved with someone that is unpredictable and rude?

That being said, we still feel the need to do it all the time! Even though I know better, I still sometimes catch myself not picking up the phone when guys call, avoiding him, etc., etc. I realize from everything that you have written, that I'm just being stupid, but I'm wondering, why in the world do we do this in the first place?

It doesn’t seem particularly logical when you stand back and think about it, but that doesn't seem to change the fact that girls do it all the time. Why do you think that is? Fear? Ignorance?

Thanks for the insight!


What an incredibly great question this is! Thank you for asking! More important, this is an incredibly smart question to ask - the answer will lead you right to where you want to go - happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships with high-quality people. Isn't that reward worth just about any effort?

Let's start with this: by playing these "girl games", you're not being "stupid"; although these actions lead directly away from what you really want. In fact, it's like you said - you feel compelled to play them. I get it. It's very tough for women to NOT do these things because it's wired into you. I won't bore you with all the science behind this, but trust me, it's there.

This is true of guys too - there are many things that we want to do naturally that work against us. Becoming the friend first and not being the strong masculine energy in our relationships are two of many examples that you know I deal with every day right here.

We have to fight these natural tendencies in order to have something better - and to be better partners for the women we love. It's that realization that makes us want to seek out better ways - and many guys do.

Likewise, women have to come to the realization that these games work entirely against your own goals. It's easy to play them because technology makes it so. Just because something is easy however doesn't make it a good choice. Often, the things that are harder offer greater rewards and this is certainly an example of that fact!

In reality, both fear and ignorance play big rolls in why women do these things, but so does laziness. It's difficult to do all the right things in relationship. Trust me, my guys know this! You girls are far less tolerant of these mistakes we make than we are of yours.

On the flip side however, playing these games puts you in with guys that will tolerate them because they usually have no other choice! That's a huge pool to draw from (a good thing for you women) but it's full of "also-rans". In other words, the guys that either don't understand these games or are simply willing to play them to get what they want aren't exactly the types of guys that will make your toes curl if you know what I mean. "Picky" or "selective" aren't words I'd use to describe them. "Desperate" and "pussy" are more like it.

If you want a better type of guy, YOU have to become more worthy of him and the very best place to start is by demanding of yourself a higher plane of existence. Don't settle for "common" or "average" or "like everybody else". Demand of yourself to NOT play these games and you'll instantly rise above all your sisters that don't know the difference or simply don't care to learn.

Best regards…
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv.

Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 2 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 26,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com and http://beingaman.tv. You can also follow his micro-blog at: http://twitter.com/dwneder.