Harness Your History

What have you done with your past?

Yes, I know we shouldn’t live in the past. But neither should we ignore it, run from it or suppress it.

If you were to make a list of the key events in your life that have shaped you, made you the person you are today, that list would be a mix of positive, happy events, and of course some painful, challenging times. It is this pain that tempts us to close our eyes and run away from large portions of our personal histories. Don’t make that common mistake!

What’s the alternative to the twin errors of living in or ignoring the past? Harness Your History. Capture the lessons and momentum of all the past events of your life, both good and bad, to move you forward to your preferred future. Here’s how.

I. Process Your Pain.

If we do what is natural and easy- ignoring or suppressing our pain- it simply goes underground and does its dirty work unseen. But when we process it, that is, when we recognize it, name it, and deal with, we short circuit its effects. Sometimes, if the pain has been especially intense, this processing needs to be done with the help of a professional counselor.

But here’s the great secret: When we process our pain, we see how it has impacted us, but we also realize it doesn't define us. Our pain will impact us, but it doesn't need to define us! Processing it helps us learn the lessons, and then move on.

II. Embrace Your Encouragement

Make a list of the things people have said or done to encourage you throughout your life. Take a few moments right now to begin your list. I challenge you to write down at least ten, ideally twenty or more words or acts of encouragement you have received from others. And if you have some "hard data" such as cards or email or other items to back up that encouragement, pull those together too. When you have made an exhaustive list of these encouraging moments, set it aside for a bit, and do the next step.

III. Admit Your Ability

Whether you realize it or not, you do some things better than most people. In fact, there is at least one thing you are truly great at. It may be a physical skill, a certain way of relating to people, a unique approach to problem solving, even a learned ability that you have excelled in.

Set aside 30 minutes to make a list of all the things you do better than most people, as well as the character traits you have that make you unique.

If your gut reaction is that you have nothing for such a list, let me tell you it's not true. To prime the pump, ask people who know you (and love you) what they would put on your list. And don't argue with them. Simply add their ideas to the list. This is not a time to be modest. As you will see in a moment, this list will prove to be very strategic as you move toward a higher level of living.

Now, take all the data from Embracing Your Encouragement and Admitting Your Ability, and begin what I call an “encouragement file.” This is an actual file folder into which you place all the cards, certificates, and other items you pulled together that provide external affirmation, from people other than yourself. To this file you add your list of things you do better than most people.

Here's what you do with this file: When you are really down, either from some event, or more likely the long term drain of hard work and many small discouragements, pull out your Encouragement File. Read through your abilities, reminding yourself that you are indeed good at many things. Review the encouragements that give evidence of others recognizing your uniqueness and value. You will be amazed at the results!

I find I need to do this once or twice a year. Some of the best items are from my kids- little notes and cards they gave me when they were little. And I'm often surprised by some of the abilities I have "forgotten" about that are on my list.

If you do not have an Encouragement File, begin one today. It will pay significant dividends in your attitude and outlook just when you need it most.

Now, brace yourself. The final step in Harnessing Your History might be the most challenging. It may not fit your worldview. It is possible no one has ever told you this before. In fact, it's likely you've been told the exact opposite. Which makes it all the more urgent for you to hear it now:

IV. Live Within Your Limits.

That's right- you have limits. You can't do whatever you want to do, be whoever you want to be, or go wherever you want to go. Yes, I know you’ve been told the exact opposite, that you are limitless. It’s all very flattering, very appealing, but very false.

Don't get me wrong; most people function at a fraction of their full potential. Many people think far too lowly of their own abilities. But the corrective to wrong thinking is not a lie.

Here's my suggested balance: You have incredible possibilities. You can accomplish amazing things. And your limitations are actually gifts that will help you focus you on the areas in which you can excel, rather than wasting time on things where you can never advance beyond mediocrity.

Once you Harness Your History with these four steps, you are ready to move into the exiting process of Focusing Your Future!