How Body Image Impacts Self-Esteem

Do you obsess about your appearance?

Do you feel guilty after you eat?

Do you feel “fat” one day and thin the next?

Are you unrealistic about your body size and shape?

If you answer “Yes” to these questions you may have challenges with body image.

What Do We Mean By Body Image

Body image is complex and multi-dimensional. It involves emotions, perception, personal history, social context, sensations and physiology. Body image is influenced by messages in childhood, our health and illness history, ethnic or cultural identity and our relationships. It reflects how we see ourselves, how we think others see us, and how we physically feel living in our body.

Cultural Influences to Body Image Development

Today’s culture bombards us with images and messages about perfection. The media and advertising industries sell us the idea that we will be rewarded if we achieve an idealized standard of beauty. The myth is that we can look like the models we see in the ads if we buy this product, try that diet, or go on the next exercise regime.

The fashion industry is brilliant at convincing us that our next purchase will create the improvement we need in order to feel attractive and likable. What we are really being sold is a sense of inadequacy and defeat. We can never achieve those idealized looks because they are not real. They are airbrushed, digitalized and fake images. In spite of these facts, we remain under the influence and buy in.

The Influence from Family and Peers

Many beliefs and feelings about our bodies were shaped by early childhood experiences and may still be frozen in time. Before we developed language, we perceived ourselves and our environment through touch, sight and sound. We relaxed when touched and talked to lovingly, and we tightened when touched and talked to aggressively. Negative body image can result from early experiences of body deprivation when needs get frustrated or unmet (i.e. hunger, sleep, physical comfort, etc). The opposite is also true. Positive body image can result from sufficient attention to core needs, being treated with compassion, and feeling physically safe and protected.

Family stories can contribute to how we see ourselves in our bodies. If we are told that we look like Aunt Sally who was small and frail, we may have a sense that we, too, are frail, even if we aren’t. In addition, histories of illnesses and surgeries can cause trauma and influence us to feel like our bodies are defective.

Biology also plays a role. We come in all sizes. Some of us are big-boned or small-boned, tall or short. How our environment responds to these givens, and how we relate to the responses, has an effect on our body image. Being the shortest or the tallest person in the grade, being the fastest or slowest, keeping “baby fat,” carrying weight before growth spurts, having a narrow or wide frame, being teased, bullied or criticized for our appearance, succeeding or not succeeding at sports … all these ways of being ourselves in our natural bodies has an impact on how others respond to us and how we then perceive ourselves.

Why Body Image Is Hard To Change

Our brain has a filtering system that determines what information gets recognized and how that information gets interpreted. Filters organize what we notice, what we attend to, what we remember, and then what we believe. If we believe that we are unattractive and someone tells us differently, we are likely to dismiss the feedback and consider it simply an exception to the rule. We don’t consider that our mindset is a result of our mind’s filtering system and not necessarily a reflection of an objective reality.

Negative body image is hard to change, but it can be done. Our brain patterns can change when we practice new ways of thinking and behaving that break the old patterns and establish new ones. We can actually change our brains over time.

Positive body image doesn’t require that we love and be thrilled with every aspect of our physical being. It requires a willingness to maintain an attitude of self-acceptance, self compassion, and the hard work of replacing body criticism with neutral language that promotes self-esteem.

Tips For Creating A Healthy Body Image

1) Question whether or not the body image that you have today is current with the reality of your body shape and size. You may be carrying a child’s image of yourself that is no longer appropriate in the here and now. For example, if you had been a chubby child and are now slim, you may still be feeling chubby even when you are not.

2) Become aware of perfectionism. Stop comparing yourself to idealized images.

3) Resist comparing your body to others. Be realistic about your body size and shape and your genetic predisposition.

4) Identify one part of your body that you like or feel friendly towards. Appreciate this body part for all that it has done for you. You might say a gratitude prayer for it.

5) Pay attention to the people around you and whether or not they support you to hold a positive body image. Do your friends think it’s funny to kid you about your weight? Your nose? Your big hands? Be assertive for yourself and tell people to stop saying hurtful things.

6) Ask a trusted friend to tell you 3 things they like about your appearance.

7) Learn to listen to your body for hunger cues and for when you are satisfied with what you have eaten.

8) Find ways to exercise for pleasure and health, not just for weight control.

9) Resist the temptation to weigh yourself frequently. Remember that your weight and shape will fluctuate daily, weekly and monthly. It is preferable to know your weight range from how you feel in your clothes rather than from a number on the scale.

10) Avoid reading fashion magazines. They sell unrealistic images and want you to buy into dissatisfaction with your body.

Jane Shure,PhD, LCSW and Beth Weinstock, PhD, are known for their expertise in self-esteem, trauma, shame, and eating disorders. They write for the Huffington Post and co-authored “Shame, Compassion, and the Journey to Health” in Effective Clinical Practice in the Treatment of Eating Disorders: The Heart of the Matter, co-edited by Jane. For the past 15 years, they have been leading workshops in the Philadelphia area, at the Kripalu Center in Stockbridge, MA, and the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. Jane and Beth are nationally renowned public speakers, and co-founders of www.selfmatters.org, dedicated to strengthening healthy self-esteem. Jane is also the creator of “The Doctor’s In” blog on JaneShure.com.