From the book "Contemporary Parables"

We need to understand how we value ourselves and hopefully heal ourselves from an epidemic of self-doubt and self-rejection.

We are spirit which is eternal and divine. Being divine in nature there is no question about our worthiness. As spirit we are "encased" in the personality, which is our temporary projection into the physical and mental dimensions. This personality is encased in a circle of beliefs, which define and limit it. These basic beliefs mature and manifest as needs and motives in the life of the personality. These needs and motives then generate various efforts towards certain goals (material, emotional, mental, social, professional, spiritual etc.).

We make efforts towards the satisfaction of some need or goal. At each stage of this effort certain results are forthcoming. We identify with these results and are very attached to them, because through them we measure our worthiness.

This is our BIG MISTAKE. Until this point everything was fine. Now our problems start. We are programmed by society to measure ourselves and others by the results which we achieve. Even though we have often heard that «it's how you play the game that counts and not whether you win, that is important», nobody really believes it. Every one believes that they are worthy of love and respect from others only when they win and only when they are better than the others.

Even worse, than measuring ourselves according to our results, is measuring ourselves in the light of others' opinions about our results. Actually what we are looking for is affirmation from others. Our basic belief is that if others accept me, believe in me and accept me, then I am OK. This is based on the belief that «I am who others think I am». And since others see me through my results and measure me in that way, then I measure myself in the same way.

As if this is not enough of a problem, we create even more problems with our subjective distortion of how other people see us. We project our own self doubt, and negative self image, onto others and cause them to reject us, even when they have no such intention. In other cases we distort completely our perception of their opinion of us through our own negative self-image. Thus, even though they may respect us, we cannot see that.

I would suggest another way of evaluating ourselves. As spirits we can accept and love ourselves in every situation as incarnations of the one divine consciousness. As personalities we can accept and love ourselves at each stage of our evolutionary process, since we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect, as we are in a process of becoming perfect. If we want, however, some criteria for measuring our personalities as a tool for expression here on the earth dimension, let us do so based on; 1. The purity of our motives and 2. The quality of our efforts.

The results have no importance whatsoever. What matters is that we are trying our best and not seeking to harm anyone. Regardless of our results, we deserve love and respect. All persons deserve love and respect. This does not depend on ability. Perhaps some people deserve to be in positions of responsibility because of their abilities, but this does not mean that they deserve more respect or love than those who have less abilities.

Let us learn to love and respect all equally

(including ourselves)

regardless of abilities and results.

We are all manifestations of the


Author's Bio: 

Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Info at:
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks, guidance, mp3 audio lectures and teleclasses at .
His books The Psychology of Happiness, Remove Pain with Energy Psychology and six others are available at