How to Listen: Strategies for Promoting Better Personal and Professional Relationships

Listening is one of the most important, as well as most misunderstood of the communication skills. One of the things that makes listening a challenge is that it requires your complete undivided attention. As well as your complete involvement with the speaker. Giving someone your undivided attention and being a efficient listener is not a simple task. Good Listening requires concentration, self discipline and sometimes self exploration. This is not a simple task because many of us were not trained to be efficient listeners but everyone can learn this skill. Becoming a better listener will benefit you both personally and professionally. Here are seven techniques that will help you improve your listening skills, so that you can build bridges of communication and understanding in your life.

1. Listen with Energy Put energy into your listening by concentrating. Adjust your attitude to the talkers purpose- What is their purpose? Is it to advise, inform, make plans, persuade, ask for something or entertain? Knowing the intent of your conversation will allow you to concentrate on what is being said.

2. Listen Responsively. Don’t just sit there so focused on what you plan to say next that you can’t hear what is being said. Actually try to figure out what the other person is saying. Look at them, lean toward them and show them they are important to you. Good listeners make it easy for the speaker, they make it clear that they are interested in what the other person has to say.

3. Acknowledge the Other Persons Thoughts and Feelings. Listen first and acknowledge what you hear. Acknowledging the other persons thoughts and feelings does not mean that you agree or disagree with their way of experiencing the situation or that you will do whatever they ask. It simply means that you are willing to try hear and understand their point of view. As you listen, repeat back in your own words the essence and the feelings of what you heard the speaker say from their frame of reference. Put yourself in the speakers place and listen from their perspective. This allows the speaker the satisfaction of being heard and understood.

4. Validate for Them That You Understand Them. When you are listening to someone they may not automatically know how well you understand them, plus they may not be good at seeking validation that they are understood. So show them that you understand them and are interested in what they are saying by giving them cues such as nodding your head, giving a smile or remark about what is being said, “I see,” “That sounds frustrating.” Listening carefully and responsively will encourage them to continue to respond to you, which will increase their confidence and encourage them to improve the quality of their of expression. Which in turn will activate your thinking process and responses.

5. Improve Your Chances of Being Heard in Emotionally Charged Conversations. During emotionally charged conversations it may be important for you to listen and acknowledge what you hear, so your chances of being heard by the other person are improved. Otherwise your chances of being heard by the other person may be very poor. Because when a person is upset and wants to talk, their capacity to listen is greatly decreased. Trying to get your point across to a person who is attempting to express a strong emotion will usually cause them to try harder to get their point across or that emotion validated. However, once a person feels like their message has been heard and their feelings understood. They become more relaxed, more reasonable and willing to listen.