What Matters to Me Sexually

Time for Exercise: 15 minutes alone and five minutes with your lover

Properties Required: pen and paper

Steps:

  1. Take fifteen minutes, or more if needed, to identify what really matters to you in lovemaking. Identify some things that are essential, some things that you prefer, and some things you dislike. Be as clear and specific as possible. To make your list, complete the following sentences. You can complete each sentence as many times as you want and also add other likes and dislikes.

    I really love it when…
    I really dislike it when…
    I really could not be happy without…
    I really could not be satisfied completely without…
    I prefer that you would…
    I prefer that you would not…
    I would be willing to try…
    I am not yet ready to try…
    I am afraid to try…
    I am excited to try…
    Something new I would love to explore is…
    Something I heard about and would like to try is…
    Something that turns me on a lot is…
    Something that turns me on a little bit is…
    Something that really turns me off is…
    Something that turns me off a little bit is…
    Something that really embarrasses me is…
    Something I am really ashamed of is…
    Something I am shy about is…
    I like you to touch me like this…
    I like you to touch me here…
    I don’t like you to touch me like this…
    I don’t like you to touch me here…

  2. Read your list aloud, slowly, to your lover

Comments:

Do a similar exercise for other important aspects of your relationship, for example, in showing affection, sharing household responsibilities, handling money, sharing responsibilities for children, or spending time together.

Author's Bio: 

Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host lover’s romantic weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website www.tantra-sex.com and their blog www.askaboutloveandsex.com or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com They have four books published including Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, New Page, 2003; The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra, Penguin, 2007; Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms Body, Heart, Mind and Soul, Llewellyn 2007; Tantra Step by Step: 28 Days to Ecstasy, Llewellyn 2007.

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