I Changed My Mind…

And she never gives out, and she never gives in. She just changes her mind.
Billy Joel, She's Always a Woman

Time for Exercise: 10 to 30 minutes

Properties Required: none


  1. Individually select an issue that has been a bone of contention between you.
  2. Offer a new position on that issue than the one you have held onto in past discussions, debates, or arguments. This works best if both of you create a new position, although not necessarily on the same issue. If only one of you moves to a new stance on something, it can feel too much like giving in or giving up.


There is something about giving in or giving up that connotes defeat. When you give in or give up, often you lose. No one wants to be a loser. But the connotation of changing your mind is completely different. Someone who is incapable of changing is also incapable of growing. Never changing your mind is to be stuck in the past, inflexible, unreasonable, and hard. Changing your mind about things is not only desirable but essential if you are to continue to expand your consciousness, to access more life choices, and to be truly free.

Of course, there is a time to stand your ground, but there is also a time to move to a new position. This exercise helps you begin to discern the difference between when it is appropriate to hold a position firmly, because it represents being true to yourself and your core values, and when it is appropriate to change your position, for example, when you are just insisting you are right only to win an argument or to be in control.

Author's Bio: 

Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host lover’s romantic weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website www.tantra-sex.com and their blog www.askaboutloveandsex.com or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com They have four books published including Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, New Page, 2003; The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra, Penguin, 2007; Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms Body, Heart, Mind and Soul, Llewellyn 2007; Tantra Step by Step: 28 Days to Ecstasy, Llewellyn 2007.

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