***Myths About Grief--Part 2

In the previous article I shared with you one of the most prevalent myths encountered by grievers; namely,"...it just takes time to heal grief." I explained how this myth, along with many others, have been passed down from generation to generation, and how these myths are assumed to be factual statements about the grieving process.

The second myth we will explore in this article is: "Keep your grieving to yourself." This myth of grief silently pervades our collective life experience. Immediately after a death or other loss, many grievers receive support from family and friends. As the weeks and months go by, this support tends to fade.

There can be an unspoken feeling that others really do not want to listen to the griever's talk about their grief and loss.

I remember deciding a few months after my husband's death that I would keep my pain to myself. While I felt like I was making my own decision, I also felt like this message of silence was coming from outside of me.

Years later I realized that the message I was receiving during that time was really coming from both inside and outside. This message was ultimately a myth or paradigm manifesting in my life from generations back in my family tree.

What is so damaging about this particular myth about the grieving process is that grief really needs to be witnessed. The only tears that heal are the tears that are witnessed by another.

Those who grieve do not need to be fixed. They need to feel that their grief is truly acknowledged.

Words are not always necessary. What is needed is someone who will listen with an open heart.

This myth perpetuates a reversal of what is really needed by many grievers. They need to have the opportunity to talk about how they are feeling about their loss while others really listen to them without judgement or expection.