In this article I will be discussing a myth which most people can readily recall from early childhood, "Replace the loss and go on with your life."

As young children we may have had a cherished stuffed animal or other special treasure. We may also have been fortunate enough to have a pet. The cherished possession or pet may have become lost or the pet may have died.

This loss brought great sadness. Parents want the best for their children and find it difficult to see the sadness which is the inevitable outcome of loss. The best solution for many parents is to buy a new toy or bring home a new pet.

While done out of love and concern, this action tends to perpetuate the myth, "Replace the loss and go on with your life."

What the child often learns from this immediate replacement is that grieving is not okay. There is no closure around the loss. These cumulative losses of life are not resolved but go underground into our subconscious mind. And each new loss tends to be added to this soup of unresolved replacement rituals.

Later in life, when one is grieving the loss of a spouse either through death or divorce, the griever may feel the urge to jump into new relationships. While dating and new relationships can definitely be part of the recovery process from grief, there is really no replacing one relationship with another.

Moving beyond grief definitely can happen but not from replacing one relationship with another. Moving beyond grief happens after there is honest completion around the loss, whether from death or divorce or so many other losses we experience during our journey through this school of life.

Author's Bio: 

Sandy Clendenen provides programs and services for women who are feeling stuck in their grief process. For more information go to: or

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