Self-sabotage can be sneaky. It's deceptive and challenging to recognize. It is made up of fear and anger and can have many layers. What have you witnessed about your own sabotaging actions and emotions? How do they control you, paralyze you and poison you? How can you begin to heal and transform these feelings?

Just as self-sabotage is sneaky, fear and anger have many disguises. Because of their chameleon-like charms, we often fail to challenge them when they sneak up on us. Fear and anger are extremely contagious and helps create mountains of self-sabotaging behaviors. These dark feelings spread by word, suggestion, imagery, or even innuendo. Our reactions and behaviors become triggered and can be traced back to fears and resentments we hold in our past dramas, bringing them into the present as well.

If you're backsliding anywhere in your life, somewhere there is self-sabotage. It could come in the form of cheating on a diet, spending too much money, procrastinating on a report that's due tomorrow, or in any other way that stops you from getting what you want. Whatever form it takes, self-sabotage always diminishes the passion and energy we need to fulfill our desires. Self-sabotage is the manifestation of our hidden feelings of shame, anger and unworthiness.

The emotions are developed from years and years of internal dialogue that doesn't necessarily have to be heard by you any more. Your body has adopted and conformed to using behaviors that fit the belief systems formed by these toxic emotions. To help motivate us to keep transforming our unwanted behavior and feelings, we need to understand that our negative internal dialogue is like psychic indigestion. Until we metabolize all of the unconscious thoughts being held in our bodies, we will continue to live in the discomfort that they make. We will continue to self-sabotage our lives and let others sabotage our lives as well.

If you want to shift your patterns of self-sabotage to patterns of progression to a better existence, then you must identify how the part of you who feels the shame, anger and unworthiness is working in your life. Here are some steps to help you move on your way.

1. Pick an area of your life that you try and try again to move past or make better, but you end up sabotaging any successful strides you've made.

2. What are you gaining from keeping the sabotaging behavior. You are always gaining something. Remember we are self-preservationists. We will protect ourselves at all costs from emotional and physical pain or discomfort. For example, by procrastinating a report, are you protecting yourself from looking foolish? Or by cheating on a diet, are you afraid of failing at something bigger as weight might be a step toward a larger goal?

3. Imagine and brainstorm something that you could do today or this week in order to make a difference in your own life. Could you begin a journal to help you move through your circumstance or challenge? Could you call a professional to help you understand what it is that is holding you back? Maybe you could enlist a friend to help you and hold you accountable.

4. What did you come up with? Get in touch with that part of you who is holding you back. Does it need something to move forward? What is it? Do you need to re-assure yourself that you can do this? Do you need to put closure to something else in order to move forward? You have all of the knowledge and ability you need to begin to move forward. You can acquire more knowledge to keep moving forward. How can you support yourself better?

5. Now whatever it is that you came up with, do it with the greatest of love. Don't hesitate. Don't let that part of you talk you out of it again. Take a step forward and realize that you will bloom very soon.

I must admit, I have committed lots of self-sabotaging behavior and still do from time-to-time. It's at these times, we must go deep inside of ourselves and extract what is really holding us back. What resentments, fears and unworthy feelings are keeping us from experiencing our divine presence? Are we willing to move through these feelings to get into the lane of freedom?

I want you to know that overcoming self-sabotage is one of the most exciting conversations you will ever have. On the other side of it is emotional freedom and the abundant joy you were meant to have. The process of admitting your self-sabotaging behaviors, metabolizing your fear and anger, and other challenging emotions appropriately will lead you to the peace that you desire so much. Making peace with your personal drama and ending that internal frustration with yourself will lead you to experience the greatest expression of yourself.

Author's Bio: 

Amy Hale is an NLP coach, hypnotherapist and a catalyst for making great emotional shifts. She is the owner of Changing Lanes in Plymouth, Michigan. She can be reached through her websites: or