Sexual And Non-sexual Touching - Body Freedom

"Sexual and Non-sexual Touching – Body Freedom"
(Part 4 of 7)
by Al Link and Pala Copeland

Contrary to the stereotypes that men primarily want sexual touching and women mostly want affectionate touching, both forms are equally important for enduring, satisfying relationships. Men and women alike crave non-sexual touching. Owing as much to cultural conditioning as to physiological make-up, men are usually more accustomed to intimate touch that is sexual. But once they experience it, men love to be touched in non-sexual ways as well. Such caresses help break through times of low self-esteem, fear, and doubt. With a tender hug or gentle pat, you can give comfort and acceptance and create a strong, loving bond that goes beyond the physical. When touching is only sexual however, you might feel that you are being solicited to perform sexually or that you are valued primarily as a sexual object.

Touch is essential for a good relationship

If you already touch each other frequently, keep doing it. If you don’t, begin now—today. You can start simply by bestowing an encouraging squeeze of the shoulder as your partner attends to a household chore, by exchanging a hug as you leave for work, or by sitting side-by-side holding hands and snuggling toes as you watch TV.

Casual, unfocused caresses while you’re essentially engaged in some other activity, like watching a movie, can be delightful, but for the most part remember to put conscious attention into your touch. Be completely present. Bring your mind, heart, and soul in. Do not allow yourself to fall into absent-minded habitual strokes that carry no meaning. Are you all there when you embrace your partner? Or is part of you at the office, grocery store, hockey game, or committee meeting? Become fully aware of the messages you give with your rubs, pats, and hugs.

Put conscious attention into your touch

Mate relationships include sexual caresses as well as compassionate and comradely ones. If you don’t have sex, then it’s a different kind of union—platonic—more akin to friendship than marriage. Mate relationships make sex permissible and safe both physically and emotionally. In a committed relationship sex is elevated. It gains moral force because it becomes not only a source of great physical pleasure but also a key expression of love.

Economists David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald suggest that the happiest people are those getting the most sex, and that sex has a bigger influence on happiness than money. Their conclusions are based on data from a random sample of 16,000 adult Americans. They claim that “increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week is equivalent to the amount of happiness generated by getting an additional $50,000 in income…and a lasting marriage equates to happiness generated by getting an extra $100,000 each year. Divorce, meanwhile, translates to a happiness depletion of $66,000 annually.” Another study by researchers at Georgia State University concludes that involuntarily celibate people “are frequently afflicted with nonhappy feelings—anger, frustration, self-doubt, and even depression.”