***The John Edwards Affair

If I had known earlier what I have just learned from reading excerpts, in Newsweek, taken from Elizabeth Edwards' recently released book, I would have gone out and put money on the absolute inevitability of her husband's infidelity. I am quite certain that John Edwards had no choice in the ...If I had known earlier what I have just learned from reading excerpts, in Newsweek, taken from Elizabeth Edwards' recently released book, I would have gone out and put money on the absolute inevitability of her husband's infidelity. I am quite certain that John Edwards had no choice in the matter. His soul did it for her healing. Let me explain.

It is clear from her own writing that ever since she was 13 years of age, Elizabeth Edwards has been carrying her mother's pain caused by the suspicion of Elizabeth's father's infidelity. Here are some of her own words as quoted in Newsweek:

"At 13 I had read my mother's journals. I discovered that my mother believed my father had been unfaithful to her when I was only a baby. I will say clearly that I do not know if that is true. I only know what she suspected . . . that my father found other companionship while she was buried in babies. She even thought she knew where — the Willard Hotel in Washington — the place where I had my senior prom, which must have been a bitter pill for her, although I had a suitably terrible time because, unbeknownst to her, I knew what that hotel meant to her. She lived all those decades still loving him, but with something deep inside that would always be restless, even after he died. The possibility of my father's infidelity ate at my mother, I knew, but she stayed there, stayed with him and loved him, and after his stroke when he was nearly 70, she cared for him for two decades with a selflessness that is almost unimaginable.

"Don't ever put me in that position," I begged John when we were newly-weds. "Leave me if you must, but do not be unfaithful."

If ever there was a case that perfectly illustrates how unresolved pain, especially pain that is carried on behalf of someone else — usually that of a parent — will find a way to become healed through being re-enacted later in life, this is it. Elizabeth witnessed her mother being "eaten away" by the suspicion of the infidelity and it has surely eaten away at Elizabeth, too, all through her life.

[Since cancer eats us alive, it is not too much of a stretch to implicate this trauma in the causation of her cancer. It is, after all, in the breast which is the heart chakra. In my experience in working with cancer patients, my observation is that breast cancer is often the result of a broken heart. Not only was her own heart broken in sympathy with her mother's, but she has clearly not forgiven her father for causing the heartbreak. Since forgiveness, or the lack thereof, is also carried in the heart chakra, as well as repressed rage, I am not at all surprised that she should have cancer of the breast.]

This seemingly tragic story is also very illustrative of how we enroll others to help us heal such deep and painful wounds. Our souls yearn for integrity and wholeness and at some point in our journey will seek to remove anything that is preventing those qualities from arising within us. Sometimes this can be achieved through our own efforts, but not infrequently it requires the cooperation of another soul who will agree to act out the situation again for us. By their re-enactment we can recognize the pain and bring it to the surface for healing through forgiveness.

This is exactly what John Edwards, quite unknowingly of course, did for his wife. He did what Elizabeth suspected her father did so that she could become acquainted with her repressed rage towards her father and come to a place of forgiveness with him. John loved her enough to sacrifice his career and humiliate himself in front of the whole world so that she might either heal her cancer or at least die free of the pain she has carried all her life.

This is not to say that, at the human level, John Edwards is not culpable and accountable for the human act of adultery and his betrayal, not to mention his stupidity. That he clearly is and he will pay the price accordingly. What I am talking about is what happened at the spiritual level and in my opinion, it's the more meaningful explanation.

Why else would a highly educated, extremely intelligent, intensely rational person with a razor-sharp legal mind who is perfectly able to assess the risk in any situation, running for the highest office in the land, allow himself to be drawn into a sordid little affair with a woman with that clumsy one-liner, "You're hot." This might hook a rabid sex addict perhaps, but there's no evidence that John had that addiction. Even to a skeptic, this metaphysical explanation for John's behavior makes infinitely more sense than that he would have thrown away his career for a very risky affair with that one woman.

I am absolutely convinced he (his soul), did it for Elizabeth, and furthermore, her soul asked his soul to do it for her. It's a perfect example of the kind of soul-to-soul healing transaction that typifies what we teach in Radical Forgiveness. It provides Elizabeth with the opportunity to forgive her father and to see the "perfection" in what John did — not TO her but FOR her.

You also have to ask yourself why would anyone say to their newly-wed husband, "Leave me if you must, but do not be unfaithful." That's seems indicative of an obsession, I would say. She even said that it was not a premonition. "I was talking about my own history." She proves the old adage that what you focus on expands and eventually shows up. But beneath all that her statement is, to me at least, her signal for him to actually be unfaithful at some critical moment in their lives so she can heal her mother's wound and her own. And you have to admit, he sure did choose the right moment for maximum effect.

If I were advising Elizabeth, or anyone else for that matter who was clearly holding onto to someone else's pain, I would recommend two courses of action.

1. Do a Radical Forgiveness worksheet on her father so she could release all that repressed rage and judgment towards him. Better still, do the online "Breaking Free," 21-day Program for Forgiving Your Parents. She could also do the "Moving Forward," 21-day Program for Forgiving Your Partner working through her belief that John betrayed her. I would also advise that she do a Radical Forgiveness worksheet on the other woman because she was part of the plan too. Without her, it wouldn't have happened. John would be advised to do one on her for the same reason.

2. Give her mother's pain back, whether dead or not, and release the need to hold onto it. The reason I would give is that not only is it highly toxic to Elizabeth and likely to nourish her cancer, but from a spiritual point of view she has no right to hold onto it. By doing so, she is preventing her mother's soul from having the learning experience that was being offered to her in her own lifetime. Elizabeth is, in effect, stealing her mother's karmic gold and she should return it forthwith.

I would love to work with John and Elizabeth in my Miracles workshop. I know it would help them move through this experience and both would come out stronger and full of love for each other. And who knows — she might come out cancer free. It has happened before.