The Song That Keeps On Playing

In working exclusively with women clients, I have found that many women suffer from a poor self image which often becomes engrained simply through the hurtful words of another. This low level of self esteem can take root in childhood and, if left unexamined and untreated, can last into adulthood, thus becoming a lifelong experience of pain for a woman. This is a prison where far too many women today live out life sentences.

As children at play, a comment such as, “you’re a cow,” can negatively invade the psyche of a child to the point of the child believing, “Nobody will ever want me as a friend” or “I’ll always be fat.” These thoughts play over and over again in the mind to the point of possibly becoming an engrained belief.

What a woman believes about herself can have a very real bearing and impact on many areas of her life. Things such as the kind of man she will marry, the type of job she will be able to get, the personalities of her children, where she will be able to live, and the opportunities that will be open to her. The list goes on and on – all because of the input of another.

Do you find this hard to believe? In my coaching groups, some women are damaged to the point that their sole motivation for being a part of coaching is to finally receive some positive reinforcement. Regardless of the nature of coaching or the number of positive comments offered, though, the negative story and belief can trump and triumph.

So how does a woman turn her low level of self esteem and confidence into something more positive and healthy? The answer lies in changing the record - the song inside her mind - her beliefs. Is this easy to do? The answer is that it will take some work on the part of the woman, but when she “comes out the other side,” it will seem like magic!

Our perceptions are controlled by our belief systems. To illustrate its power, consider the power of the belief of Thomas Edison or Bill Gates. Used positively, look at what their belief systems allowed them to create. Conversely, Hitler was one who took the power of belief and used it incorrectly or negatively. The differences are obvious and clear.

While believing a negative message, one will never be able to see the truth. You have to start thinking differently. It requires that you change. This is hard because you are emotionally involved. You must step back and observe your behavior and pattern of thought.

While perhaps a silly example, would someone who did not have an eye for art and threw a Van Gogh into the trash make the painting any less valuable? Of course not. To the trained eye it would be a priceless piece and one heck of a find! This is how we must view changing the way we think and the things we believe about ourselves.

The mind is the greatest creation in all creation and it has the power to change a thought, belief or pattern and become whatever you want it to be! You always get what is equivalent to your belief. Success and failure both stem from the same thing – it just depends on what side of the coin you happen to believe. Whether you say you can or you can’t – you’re right!

In order to begin to see yourself differently, realize that you can change anything. I’ve always thought it humorous and certainly a cop out when I overhear a person say something like, “Everyone in my family has a temper. It’s just the way we Smiths are built.” Wrong! This is a good example of a pre-conditioned thought – and a thought can be released and changed, especially by adults.

Let go of the old, broken phonograph record. Step into the world of iPods!

Is there any reason not to let go of your negative thoughts and beliefs and just walk away? The key is to become willing and then comfortable with making the change.

Fall in love with the new you! Love is a resonance, a vibration that allows you to feel a connection with the real you and with spirit. Changing your belief also means a change in attitude. See challenges as opportunities and for what they could be and not just for the obstacles they can present.