Turn Sadness into Gladness

Sadness is the body’s way of telling you how much it misses being happy. Relationships end, jobs are lost, people die, welcome to the game of life. Sadness is a natural reaction to a loss of some kind. Every person on the planet has situations that can bring on sadness. It can be loneliness, someone else’s misery or an unexpected event that brings on a state of doom and gloom.

As a kind, compassionate human, it is easy to become sad because of the state of the world. We know that people are dying from starvation. There is a suicide attempt every minute in the U.S. We are poisoning our water, our land and our air. Animals are being abused. Teenagers get pregnant, street people are addicted to drugs and school kids are getting shot in their classrooms. What are you going to do? Being sad will do nothing to change these problems. Remaining sad is extremely toxic to your system and to those around you.

If you dwell on problems long enough, it just solidifies them. Moping around like Eeyore is never going to cheer you up. You may feel justified in having the blues, but not only do you suffer, your low spirits affect everyone you meet. When you are heavy-hearted, it is common to search out people to agree with you and your problems. Instead of looking for solutions, you are just emphasizing your doldrums.

If someone else is overwhelmed with sadness, they begin to suck your energy. You know the people who seem to dwell on their troubles. Whether it’s a sibling, a friend or the guy at the corner store, rein-forcing their problems will not help them. They prefer it when the world agrees with their “my life sucks” theories. Yes, they will get attention, but it’s short-lived and does nothing to solve their problems. If you’re there when they’re sharing sadness, there’s a good chance it will stick to you. Do the best you can to cheer them up and move on when you need to.

Fun people have compassion for the problems of the world, but they aren’t busy being sad about them either. The only way to deal with your sadness is to proactively do something about it. You don’t have to pretend you’re not despondent, but I do recommend trying to put your sadness into perspective. If you’re having a run of bad luck, the more focus you give your problems the more intense they will become. Feeling sorry for yourself is of no benefit. No matter how bad you think your life may be, there is always somebody who has it worse off than you. If everybody has somebody who’s worse off than they are, that leaves one person on the whole planet who is actually the “Worst Off.” That “Worst Off” person isn’t you, so let’s move on.

It’s normal to be sad at different stages of your life. It’s so abnormal to stay that way. If you have stored-up tears, don’t be afraid of crying. Everybody dampens a pillow sometime. Your life may seem so awful that you couldn’t have made it up if you’d tried. What if you are knee-deep in cow dung? Do you tell everyone you’re stuck or do you ask for help out of the poop? Being sad is like storing dead rats in your refrigerator. If you ever get some fresh fruits and vegetables, it’s impossible to fit the new groceries in.

My good friend Kevin has a wonderful perspective on sadness. If he’s sad, it makes him happy. His theory is that if he’s sad it means he’s missing something that once made him very happy. He relates back to those happy thoughts and focuses on them. He realizes why he’s sad, enjoys that, sheds a tear and it’s over.

Identify the situations and people that trigger you to feel sad. If you have chronically heavy-hearted people around you, it is going to be very difficult for you to stay positive. If you are sick and tired of listening to a Mr. or Mrs. Pouty Pants, say to them, “It’s your life. What are you going to do about it?” They will either look for a solution or threaten you. “You better listen to my problems,” they’ll say, “or I’ll go somewhere else to whine.” Oh, wouldn’t that be awful. Unless you’re a paid therapist, let them go find somewhere else to whinge about their problems.

Stop doing the activities that bum you out. If staying at home and watching TV depresses you, then stop. If you’re playing with people who depress you, then stop! If overeating makes you despondent, then stop! Focus on the activities and people that inspire you to happiness. Talk to jovial humans who uplift and recharge your spirit. Get involved in activities that cheer you up. Having fun is the greatest way to counteract sadness.

If that doesn’t work, go help some people who are not as fortunate as you. Making someone else feel good will help put your life into perspective and remind you that your problems are inconsequential in the big picture.

When confronted by challenges, look for solutions, not different angles to bitch about. Moaning and complaining will just make you bitter. If you view your situation as hopeless, you’ll be right. If you think you can solve the situation, you’ll also be right. It’s OK to be sad now and then; it’s how you deal with it that reflects who you really are. Some people learn from sadness and move on. Some people stay tuned into sadness for years.

Once you stop performing activities that put you down in the dumps, the way to get happy again is to go have some fun. Go out with your friends, go on an adventure, buy yourself something that makes you feel good. When I say “feel good,” I don’t mean resorting to addictive behavior like drinking, taking drugs or manic shopping to mask your problems. It’s OK to indulge a little, though, to help erase that nasty Mind Poo.

Sadness is the body’s way of telling you how much you miss being happy. Think of it as an alarm system that goes off when you’re not getting your share of good times. Fight sadness with positive actions. You can remain unhappy and reinforce your sadness or you can ask yourself, “Which way to gladness?”