The Big Fat Lie...About "Trying Harder"

You've been searching for self improvement or personal
development. To increase your self esteem, achieve personal
growth, have more happiness in your life...or perhaps reach
an important goal. Maybe you're even working with a
personal success coach.

You're on a meaningful quest! But if you're running into
problems...it may come from something you were taught as a
child!

Do you remember being told: "Just try harder...you'll get
it!"

Well...that advice is actually the worst possible advice
to drill into a child's head. Are you surprised to hear
that from a success coach? Then allow me to share a true
personal story.

I'm sitting in a screened porch in a peaceful little cabin
by the shore of Lake Tahoe reading a book. It's a warm late
August afternoon. It's very quiet...except for an
irritating "buzz-thump."

I look up and see a large fly desperately throwing itself
at the window at the far end of the porch. The fly has
staked its life on a doomed success strategy: Just try
harder...try harder...try harder!

Obviously...the fly's goal seeking behavior is not
working! Its efforts hold no hope for success. No matter
how hard it throws itself at the glass, it can't escape.

I watch and wonder at the irony of its situation. The
little creature has literally staked its life on reaching
its goal through determined raw effort! But its very
struggle is a trap!

I look over at the open door just a few feet away. A short
flight and it could be free. The possibility of a
breakthrough was there. It would be so easy. But the fly
had made its commitment!

Why doesn't the creature explore its options, I wonder?
Why doesn't it try something different? How did it get
locked into one doomed course of action? Into just trying
the same thing harder and harder. Into just hoping for
some miraculous success...in spite of the evidence to the
contrary!

The next morning I found the fly dead on the dusty
windowsill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had
wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that
fly...I too had tried harder and harder and harder...until
I finally gave up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying the same thing
harder and harder is a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect
failure (you're going to "try"). If you already know an
approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you
anywhere! You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any
closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and
damage your self-confidence and self-esteem. And who needs
that!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer lies in a pulling back and trying a completely
different approach!

Think of that fly on the dusty windowsill the next time
you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

Let go...relax...then try another approach! Sometimes just
letting go will clear your mind to see a better way of
getting what you want.

"Just try harder" will seldom get you to your goal. It's
just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced with some
different goal-directed behaviors!

Think about it for a moment! If you want "something new,"
You're going to have to "try...something new."

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