Ask Deepak: Help With a Marital Decision

Question:

I have a question for you that I have struggled with for the last 2 years rather intensely. I am married to a man that I have "fallen out of love with" in part because of difficulties with compatibility earlier in our marriage, over the years I met and fell in love with a Dr. I worked with. I felt a spiritual connection with him that I had never felt with another human being. His wife left him last year, and I have said all along that I would leave my husband. Strangely enough, I have not been able to do that. My husband was 36 years old when we married, never before having had a serious relationship. We will have been married 13 years in September. This is my second marriage, and I am afraid if I leave my current situation, that history will repeat itself with this Dr. He has never said that he loves me , but my intuition tells me that he does. He does not want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage, nor does he ever want to be married again. I feel that I would be happier in the long run leaving my husband, whether or not the relationship happens with this Dr. or not. However, my husband loves me so much , even though I have confessed my feelings for another man, I still love and care about his.

I don't know what to do. I have prayed for happiness for all of us. I am "content enough", although I feel like I'm "settling" and taking the easy path by staying in my cozy, comfortable setting. I want to "live, love, and taste life. I know I will live to be 110. I'm 50 years old, and healthy, active, and am excited to get on with the next chapter in my life, but I feel stuck. What do I do? I have read 2 of you books, The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, and How to Know God. I enjoyed both books immensely. I look forward to your reply. Have a Great day!

Answer:
As you no doubt realize this is not a choice about which is the right guy for you to be with. It is about becoming conscious enough about who you are, your motivations, patterns, stories and your needs so that whomever you are with or are not with, you will find love and fulfillment. The feeling of stuckness is your resistance to looking honestly at yourself and accepting and forgiving yourself. Regardless of whether you stay in this marriage or not, your life will change. The more aware you are, the more consciously you can direct and navigate that change instead of being at the mercy of others and external events. If you can strip away the old extraneous mental conditioning, fears and expectations and get to your authentic core self, then the appropriate action will automatically follow.

Love,
Deepak