Clarity of Life’s Purpose

Thirty years ago I decided to write a book about my life story, a book about my incest and abuse and how I started to heal, by first sharing my story with another person my husband. I then felt that I had to get my story out to even more people; it was festering inside me and needed to be released. In a way I felt privileged to have experienced my trauma, started my healing, and gained knowledge from my abuse. I felt privileged because I had first hand experience that most others could not identify with. I could use these insights to spread the word of opening up and finding the courage to heal.

Instead of being published as a book; my story was made into a movie by CBC called ”Anne’s Story” with over 2 million people across Canada watching the trauma unfold. The movie then was used in Rape Crises Centre’s across Canada and in the USA to aid others in opening up and telling their story. I was so attached to the physical act of my experience that I defined who I was by my abuse. I was the survivor of a dreadful act upon a child and the catalyst for sharing. For many years I felt that my life’s purpose was to tell my story over and over and over again. Telling my story of my physical abuse, enabling others to speak their truth and begin their healing journey. I thought that people wanted to hear the details of my abuse and tried two additional times, to write my book. I seemed to be blocked from writing this part of my story; Spirit later guided me to write these short stories instead, explaining the real reasons behind the healing process.

I was very conflicted as to why a relative would enact such a horrible crime on a young child; I couldn’t wrap my mind around their motivation. During my many sessions with the rape crisis group, they couldn’t answer that question for me. I was supposed to accept what had happened to me, since I had no control over it and couldn’t change it. I was to believe and to realize that I am not a lesser person for it happening and to heal the emotional effects of it.

I needed more answers to my questions, I didn’t feel completely healed, there had to be more to the reasons why. I hadn’t yet opened up to the bigger “Why” the higher perspective of my traumas or the pain of others. How can I gain clarity of my soul’s purpose, I didn’t have all the answers, how could a close family member perform such a heinous act? I read many books on the topic of abuse, I read many books on healing, I finally read a couple of books, on soul’s purpose upon this earth. One book was called “The Seat of the Soul” and the other “Weavers of Light”. It was after reading these books and a few others that I could finally fit all the pieces together and form a complete picture.

Imagine if you will, your soul before it became your physical body on this earth’s plane, now also image all those souls who have had an effect on this, and/or past lifetimes, both positive and negative. This is called a soul group or a community; these groups of souls interact on all planes, Upper World (The Universe or Collective Consciousness realm), Middle World (Earth, past and present realm) and Lower World (Spirit, guides and teachers realm). Before any one of those souls is born into this Middle World, a plan is made between them, a classroom is set up and lessons are chosen, this is called Dharma, or duty. You decide who your parents are going to be within the soul group, your name, when and where you are born, and what physical body you will be born with. You bring with you your personality traits, passions and creativities which are all part of your souls essence.
Along with chosen lessons for this life walk, Karma or lessons from past lives that were not completed are added on to this life as well. Once you have chosen a lesson to experience and did not completely heal and understand that lesson, it must be repeated for as many lifetimes as it takes until you do move forward with clarity.

Let us imagine that you have decided to experience the trauma of incest and how it can be healed, then using that information go out and assist others with their healing. First you have to ask someone from your soul group “Who is willing to step forward with love and provide me with this lesson that I request”? “Who is willing to risk my hatred and damnation for what could possibly be many lifetimes until I can finally move forward with clarity and learned forgiveness for the lesson I have requested”? This isn’t an easy choice for that soul to make, to inflict physical and/or emotional pain to another soul within their loving group. When they agree to perform this act upon you at your request, it also has an effect their soul’s lesson plan. They must inflict this pain upon a loved one, and they must forgive themselves or acknowledge within them selves that forgiveness is required as the lesson they are here to learn.

This is only a fragment of that particular lesson; each of these souls must experience the lesson from its many angles within this lifetime or throughout several lifetimes. In order to be in complete balance you need to experience the lesson from the point of view of a victim, you must also experience it from the point of view of the perpetrator, the point of view of the one who stands by and does nothing to prevent or stop the lesson, as well as the one who is outraged and does step up to challenge the negative actions of others. The soul must experience and learn from every other aspect of the lesson. This is the intention of the soul, it is the soul’s purpose in this lifetime, and it’s here to learn and to teach the lessons we each agreed upon before birth. “Understanding” and the “setting of” the intention of the souls purpose, aids in the forgiveness process and clarifies the bigger “Why” of our experiences and opportunities we are here to learn.

When I first started the forgiving process I thought I had forgiven because my mind told me I had understood and forgiven. It didn’t seem to be enough; I was then told that I also needed to forgive from the heart for it to be authentic. I forgave from the heart and thought that it was done and finished, but I was wrong again. Others could still bait me about my experience into reacting negatively, which had me questioning my ability to truly forgive. One day as I went through the entire scenario in my mind, as I now understand it. I knew that I shouldn’t still react negatively if I have completely forgiven from my heart. I sat and meditated on the entire process from the beginning of the souls intent or duty and went through the forgiving process. I created a positive and clearer picture of each of our soul’s contract or agreement before birth; I visualized my abuser and remembered his love for me before we had to dance this dance of abuse. I then was able to forgive him with my heart and my soul. I felt that forgiveness in my Heart Chakra (located around the heart area which influences forgiveness and compassion) as well as my Solar Plexus Chakra (located at the base of the rib cage dealing with emotional issues, of self-acceptance and personal power). While I was visualizing, I could feel that tingling sensation of forgiveness in these locations, the heart and solar plexus at the same time. I had an overwhelming full body realization that the experience was completely healed and I could let go of all the pain and all the hatred.

I now have a clearer idea of my souls intent; it is here to learn the lessons that I have arranged for it to learn, to clear old debts or Karma, and to share my findings with others helping them clarify their soul’s intent or purpose. As I move forward to self-discovery I understand that each lesson IS my soul’s purpose, I trust the lessons that I am here to learn. I acknowledge that life is just an illusion of lesson plans for me overcome, promoting awareness and understanding.

Author's Bio: 

Gayle Crosmaz-Brown a Shamaness Healer/Teacher of Higher Consciousness: has been working helping others to heal the emotional, spiritual and physical for over 30 years. Through energy work, hypnosis, drum meditation and counseling Gayle empowers her clients to self-heal.