Does Marriage Counseling Work: What To Expect From Marriage Counseling

If you are facing problems in your marriage and unable to settle your conflict with your spouse, you definitely need help. Preferably from marriage counsellor. The only question is: Does marriage counselling really work?

Although several studies have shown that marriage counselling may not be totally effective, studies have shown that most couples do benefit by realizing a few things that they should but never know about each other even though they think they know.

Because of this, they rarely go to marriage counselling until their marriage is on the rocks or even verge of divorce. Before deciding whether or not, they will seek advice from counsellors first. Sometimes 2 counsellors - a man and a woman are required to meet and talk to each of them one to one since men think differently from women.

Marriage counselling requires a certain amount of public relation or PR skills and psychological in understanding others' perspective apart from just paper qualifications.

With that being said, here is what you will be learning from marriage counselling.

1. Tactful Communication And Understanding

Though it is good to communicate and listen to your spouse, these two skills may not be enough.

You need to be tactful as well.

Apart from hearing what she says, you need to be able to read his or her body language and expressions. Failure to do so will be very be hard to see things from his or her perspective. You also need to sense between the lines of sentences.

That way, you will be able to express your needs clearly and openly without being emotional and offensive to your spouse.

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2. Learning To Work With Unresolved Issues

Unresolved issues are what cripples marriages.

They no longer find companionship with each other meaningful. They no longer bother to remember and celebrate their wedding anniversaries or go for vacations together like their honeymoon.

Getting your feelings out in the open with the help of a trained professional may be all you need. You may find that your partner is more than willing to work together to solve problems in the marriage.

If not or your spouse is unwilling to forgive you no matter what, you are free to divorce without feeling guilty because you have given your best.

3. Greater Understanding Of What Your Spouse Really Wants.

Remember the time when you are facing a great problem and badly need help.

Though there are 2 persons offering help, who do you ultimately turn to? The one who tells you what he think is best for you or the one who asks and willing to listen to you before recommending what is best for you based on what you say.

Without a shadow of a doubt, you will definitely listen to the second person right? Especially since you can feel that this person is genuinely interested and concerned about your well-being.

The same concept applies to marriage. Though it is easy to say you should treat your spouse the way you want to be treated, not everyone of us are born with the gift of understanding without being told by that person.

In order to develop and master that skill, you definitely need marriage counselling. If you are a Christian, you should consult with your cell leaders or pastors.

In a nutshell, marriage counselling does really work if you know how to apply the fundamentals correctly. But before that, you need to make sure the counsellors themselves are the right people to get advice from. Check their credentials and if they have websites, see if there are positive testimonials from couples in text or videos.

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With an ever-increasing rate of broken marriages, it is only fair for an individual to go for marriage counseling in order to make sure that his own marriage doesn't have to go through the same fate. A number of people find it awkward or even embarrassing, however, it is to be debunked that there isn't anything out of ordinary to go for marriage counseling.

If you have been observing a steep in your relationship and nothing feels the way it used to, it is probably time to seek help from a marriage counselor in order to reconcile a healthy relationship with your partner. Remember, having issues is inevitable, but not facing them and trying to fix them once and for all is only going to worsen the situation. In order to give you a better idea, we have mentioned some of the circumstances, which may indicate towards the need of marriage counseling.

Communication Gap:

Communication gap may be the first symptom that you are in need of marriage counseling. Once the communication has started to miss, it is quite difficult to get it started all over again without taking help from a professional. If you find yourself in a situation where you can't seem to find a topic to discuss with your partner or whenever you try to communicate, you end up getting into a fight, it is time for you to seek help from a marriage counselor before the situation gets out of hand.


If things have already provoked the thoughts of either partners having an affair or probably one of you have already had one, you must look for marriage counseling in order to determine what has been missing in your marriage that provoked the evil thought. It will ensure that the particular flavor can be brought back to your relationship and it can be reconciled in an appropriate fashion.

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As soon as you start to feel like you and your partner are only occupying the same space and there isn't anything but existing between you people, you may want to look for marriage counseling. No communication, no romance, no fun, no outing, if that's what you have been facing, you can bet things are getting pretty serious already.

No Solution:

More than often in such circumstances you find yourself wanting to fix things with your partner but you are completely unaware of where to start. You just can't seem to find a solution to the differences, which have been, originated between you two. In such circumstances, it should go without saying that only a professional and particularly skilled individual would be able to help you out.


Last but not the least, if you think that the only solution to all the problems that you are facing is separation, if you think that the differences can't be filled and you are going to end up getting divorced sooner or later, it is high time that you look for marriage counselor to make sure that your suspicions are not brought to life.

In the light of the above mentioned information, it can almost be taken for granted that in order to save your marriage from getting shattered, it is always a commendable idea to seek help from a reliable and trustworthy marriage counselor who isn't only going to come up with the most effective solutions to reconcile the relationship, but is also going to respect your privacy. It is to be kept in mind that nothing is more important than your relationship and you must do everything within your power to save it.

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FOLLY is all I can call it. Tolerance is all I can call the response. The day I married Sarah I said in my speech that we were going to have a "first-class marriage."

What little did I know. Idealism, for me, was off the scale.

Fast forward one week and the brittleness of newlywed marriage was all too clear. Two weeks later and I was sinking into a depression.

Mapping idealism is important for partners entering marriage. Very often one partner is highly idealistic, and it spells trouble. Worse if it's both partners.

I was so idealistic that I plunged into a two month season of depression. A midlife crisis, no less. All because I'd not truly thought ahead to the realities of marriage.

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I had no idea that I didn't know my wife.

I thought I knew her through and through. How wrong I was. And she really didn't know me like I thought she must. It took until we were married to really begin to know each other - and that process never stops. Suddenly we had to decide whether we even liked each other or not. And we had done everything possible to plan ahead our marriage - the best counselling, dozens of discussion dates, wise counsel of mentors, and we were both pastors. Surely this was to our advantage? Not so. Certainly not as much as we thought it would be beneficial.

The structures of trust and respect had to be constructed from the basement up. Suddenly love was not so easy. Intimacy was a daily challenge. So many times we hurt each other, yet rarely with intention. We missed each other a thousand times, without a hint of exaggeration. But we stuck at it.

The years have taught us that marriage is a daily commitment of overlooking offenses. Marriage is ultimately only as strong as each one of those twenty-thousand re-commitments - if we're fortunate enough to marry early enough in life, and to stick at it long enough, to be married 54.75 years.

And marriages only get stronger by the day. We must have faith in that. It's always up to both partners. And it's always about our partner.

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The only evidence that many married couples are married is the titled daddy and mummy. Many are traditional husbands and wives. No love, no romance, intimacy is zero, interaction is dead, friendship is null, companionship is sick, playfulness is monotonous.

When you discover the following in your marriage then you need special attention:

- You and your spouse hardly confide in each other.

- You easily fight

- Your house looks like a hostel instead of a home.

- Your relationship is not romantic; it is 'plastic'.

- You now feel at home at work and at work while at home.

- Sexual intercourse once in a while, most of the time it is a grudge match.

- You only take compulsory decisions together.

- You don't miss your spouse when he or she travels.

- You do feel lonely despite his or her presence at home.

- You've not told each other "I love you" in 3 weeks.

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- You enjoy the company of other people more than his or her own.

- You are feeling rejected, unwanted, unneeded.

- You feel you make mistake of marrying your spouse.

- You feel you should have married somebody else.

- You are bore generally about your spouse and your marriage.

- You are feeling relax with a particular person of opposite sex; in fact, you always look forward to meet the person.

All these are pointing to the fact that something is wrong with your marriage and you need to do something fast; you need to spice up your marriage.

What to do:

- start by calling your spouse and talk over the bogging issues.

- Establish a form of discussion; Try as much as possible to be free with him or her during your discussion section.

- Read godly books that will nourish your marriage.

- Spend time to pray together.

- Discuss together and make sure you try as much as possible to play together.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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