I Lied To My Husband Now He Wants A Divorce: I Lied To My Husband About My Past

Trust is among one of the most important aspects of any relationship, especially romantic or intimate relationships. When trust is damaged or compromised the resulting effects can be disastrous. Whether or not there is a decision to reconcile with the person guilty of betraying the trust, one thing is certain, trust has to be rebuilt. If there is a decision to reconcile, then the nature of the rebuilding will of course take on a different tone and call for a different approach.

The First Step - Acceptance

The first step in trying to rebuild trust in a relationship is for all to accept that trust has been damaged or compromised. Accept means accepting your feelings about the matter and respecting how you feel, whether it is betrayed, angry, disappointed, dejected or just plain hurt and mad. It is important that everyone involved accept that these feelings are in play and this is a natural way to feel. If you do not accept how you are really feeling and instead try to deny your own feelings or worse act as if everything is OK when deep down it is not, these feelings will only increase in intensity resulting in an unwanted delay in dealing with them.

Taking Responsibility

The second step is for each party, particularly the one responsible for causing the situation, to take responsibility for their part in it. It means spending time to understand what happened, why it happened, what factors contributed to it and how these factors played out into an unwanted situation.

Sincere Apologies Are In Order

Next, sincere apologies by the party responsible for the problem must be expressed. At this point there is no need to be profuse with the apologies - just a sincere apology that adequately captures the feelings of regret.

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Cool Off The Emotions

After this is done, there should just be a cooling off period. Of course depending on how severely the trust was damaged, intense feelings of hurt will last for a very long time. The aggrieved party will need some time to deal with these feelings by themselves without feeling rushed by the need to get things back on track.

If You Betrayed The Trust, Show You Care

At the same time this is going on, the party responsible for betraying the trust should try to understand how the circumstances surrounding the betrayal of the trust is going to play out in the relationship - do you need to change how you do things, are there persons who you just have to decide not to come in contact with, what actions will you need to take to reassure the aggrieved party that you truly understand what happened and appreciate the damage that was done. What reason can you come up with to reassure your self that you will never allow this to happen again?

The next step is deciding on what concrete actions to take to restore the trust that has been lost. Of course this will depend on what triggered the situation. But whatever it is, it is very important that it is understood that the party responsible sees these actions not as punishment, but as a matter of taking responsibility to rebuild the trust. There must be a clearly demonstrated intention and desire to rebuilding the trust and at no time should there be any disagreement about this between both parties.

Take Concrete Action To Rebuild Trust

The final step to rebuilding trust in a personal relationship is to put into action all that you have learned and all that is deemed necessary to have trust again. For example, from time to time talk about the lessons learned, express appreciation for the opportunity given for you to get back in good grace if you are the one responsible for the lost of trust. Be open with each other about your actions, what you are doing at any time, where you are going, who you are going with.

Rebuilding trust can be a real challenge in any relationship. Once trust is lost, it is hard to get back but with a sincere approach, a full understanding of what is needed to be done and why, lost trust can be regained over time.

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When you say "my husband wants to leave me", this can mean your husband has explicitly told you that he wants you to leave, or it could mean you have deduced this from his actions. Either way, things are wrong and you need to do something in order to make your husband love you again, so that you can avoid the divorce, which is inevitable when love is absent.

I was in the same situation - my husband wanted to leave me. In such a situation the first thing to be done is to assess the situation and take a look at how good you are treating your husband. Or what your role in the relationship is. All marriages start with the couple being sexually very attracted to each other, which makes them romantic partners. After that, however, things begin to become sour as life presses on - there are bills to be paid, house repairs to be made etc. These daily life problems can really turn your partnership into a dull one. And when children arrive, this might force you to become a "mother" more than you are a "wife". The thing is, you can be both. To your husband, you must not be "the mother of his children". You need to be his wife. So, this means that you have to focus on your husband and try to make this into the romantic relationship it once was.

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When a wife says "my husband wants to leave me", she must try to understand what exactly changed. Of course, marriage is a long-term thing and the shifts in its dynamics are most likely gradual rather than "jumpy". But the thing is, the change had to begin from somewhere. Maybe it started when the children arrived. Maybe it started around a time when you were in a financial crisis. What ever it might be, if you can trace the change back to somewhere, you can figure out what's going wrong much easier and this helps you to fix things to make your husband love you again.

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Love Killers Destroy Relationships and Create Misery

1. Blame

Blaming others means you don't have to accept personal responsibility. Blame stunts your personal growth. It allows you to be a victim. Once you put on the mantel of victimhood, you no longer have to take care of yourself. It's always someone else's fault. You can get sympathy from others.

Here's the biggest drawback: your partner will stagger under the burden of guilt. You are likely to find you've created more distance in your relationship. Distance can be the beginning of the end, the love killer of your relationship.

It is of the utmost importance to be aware of blame and learn to take responsibility. Your partner will thank you and you'll feel better about your relationship.

2. Selfishness

If it's all about you, then it's not about your relationship. You believe you deserve to come first and you think your partner should do what you want. Selfishness has no place in an adult relationship.

The only person who gets away with total selfishness is a newborn baby. For a newborn, selfishness is a survival tool. For an adult, selfishness is inexcusable. If you always put yourself and your desires first, prepare for heartache.

3. Correcting your partner in front of others

If you truly want to help your partner, wait until you are alone. Correcting your partner in front of others does nothing to endear you to your partner. Can you imagine your partner saying, "Thank you, honey, for correcting my pronunciation in front of my family"? Not likely.

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4. Jealousy

Jealousy, which comes from insecurity, usually gets you the opposite of what you want. You fear your partner will leave you, so you keep tabs on the cell phone calls and the emails. You call your partner repeatedly to check on him/her.

Eventually, your partner will get fed up with your insecure behavior. Your jealous behavior got you exactly what you were trying to prevent: the loss of your partner.

5. Thinking you're better than your partner

This is a very dangerous idea to entertain. Your partner can never do enough to please you. You hold your partner in disdain. You feel superior to your partner. This is a recipe for disaster.

If you don't value your partner's abilities and gifts you're on the road to heartache. If you think you married beneath yourself, think again.

6. Treating your partner like a child

You say your partner acts like a child. If you don't do it, it won't get done. Your partner needs to grow up. You frequently tell your partner, "Act your age" or "You're such a baby."

Remember, if your partner is "acting" like a child, you are probably "acting" like a parent.

7. Expecting your partner to carry the majority of the responsibilities

The idea of sharing everything fifty-fifty in a relationship is a myth. It's not possible. "I took out the garbage last time, so it's your turn" is score keeping. If a task needs to be done, you can decide to do it. Otherwise, you could get into the habit of nagging.

If you want to be fair, consider what your partner needs. When your partner feels secure and loved, you will reap the benefits. Your partner will be more likely to help you when you need help. If you expect your partner to do it all, you're likely to breed resentment and get even less help.

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8. Criticism

I don't believe there's such a thing as "constructive criticism." If you tell your partner what you don't like, you can do it without criticizing. Sometimes you can decide to remain silent. After all, just because you don't like something your partner does, it doesn't mean it's wrong.

9. Rigid beliefs

"This is the way we always did it in my family" is a communication stopper. It says you'd rather hold onto what you think is the "right" way than to negotiate with your partner.

If you always want things done your way, is it worth the distance this attitude creates?

10. Angry, get my way behavior

If you yell loud enough or pitch a fit, people give in and do what you want. It works in restaurants when you don't like the service. It works with your partner when you want him to do things your way.

If you make yourself disagreeable enough, people will give in and you'll get your way. The problem is that this kind of behavior erodes the love your partner feels for you.

If you recognize these habits in yourself, you can change them. If you recognize these habits in your partner, ask yourself what you are doing to contribute to the problem. Take responsibility for your own behavior. Once you change your habits, see if you notice a change in your partner's behavior. It does no good to try to change others. Work on eliminating these habits in your life and watch your relationship change for the better.

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To get marriage right, you must know how to think right about your marriage - family, love, sex and about your partner. When you don't think right, you can't live right. If you don't live right; you can't get marriage right. Your thinking will determine your habits, characters, actions, words, reactions and the way you handle your spouse.

To get marriage right, learn to think right and deal with your mentality. Form a good conception generally about marriage, love, sex, opposite sex, in-laws, and husbands and wives' role in a family. Study more on communication, marital relationship and third parties. There is no way you can be the best if you have the worst conception.

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How do you see your spouse? What are you thinking about him or her? Do you dishonor him or her in your mind? Do you think you've married the wrong person? Are you feeling you are not getting as much as you are putting into the relationship? This kind of thinking can never help your marriage and your family life; you need to learn to think right.

Create a positive haven for your spouse in your heart; make a room for him or her to be the king or the queen of your heart. Accept your mate totally, never think you've married the wrong person, see him or her as a man or woman of honor, and see her as the 'best'. Learn to treat your mate as the only one that matters to you at all times.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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