Does Separation Work To Save A Marriage: Is Separation The Answer

Sometimes when a marriage is going through rough times, we need to think about alternate ways to salvage our relationships. You may have tried counseling and other avenues to repair your relationship and you don't know what else can be done. Can separation save a marriage?

This is a very good question. Depending on the situation, of course, you may want to explore this possibility. Space is the great decider, sometimes. If we can just get away from each other and clear our heads, then we can clearly see what the issues are and how we can work together to solve them. How can separation save a marriage? It can help to visualize your future. If you can clearly see your future with your spouse, then you have the best possible chance of reuniting and working out your problems.

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Once you have removed yourself from the intensely emotional environment of the home you share together, you can start to consider what works best for you. Sometimes a marriage can cause us to lose sight of ourselves and our identities. Everyone needs to be an individual and in a truly wonderful marriage, we celebrate those differences together and work as a team. If you are wondering how can separation save a marriage, hopefully these points are making the picture more clear. Separation does not always work, but absence makes the heart grow fonder and if we truly cannot live without our spouse, we will find every possible way to reunite with them.

For some, a trial separation can really work. For others, it only serves to increase the divide. What you first need to decide is if it will work in your case. It may be a good idea to spend just one weekend away from your spouse, on a personal retreat. You will be able to judge from that experience how a separation would work in your personal situation.

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Lots of marriages are collapsing today obviously due to problems encountered in the marriage. While it is important to find a means of resolving those problems, I believe it is even more important to know the causes of the problems and device a way out of them. This article seeks to show you 5 common causes of problems in marriages.

1. Married to the wrong person
Many marriages have been destroyed today because couples have the perception that they have married the wrong person. To be candid with you, this is not true when you consider the passion that got you hooked when you first met. Perception problem is a thing of the mind and needs to be dealt with from the mind. Harboring this kind of mindset is a very dangerous factor in your marriage because it tends to give you a force negative alert about your spouse, hence leading to the rise of problems in your marriage.

2. Taking your spouse for granted
Many marriages have been broken today because either one of the partners is not according enough priority to the other. As human beings, we feel fulfilled when our loved ones show us care, love and appreciation. That is what your husband or wife expects from you at all times, no matter how little they have done, always show them how much you appreciate. Remember also that your husband or wife is your soul mate, hence they should be carried along in all your decision-making processes. Be it business, family, relationships etc. They should be allowed to be part of the decision that concerns your life interests.

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3. Lack of confidence
Not believing in your spouse has an 80% chance of causing a serious problem in your marriage. Imagine a scenario where you do not trust in the ability of your partner to remain faithful to you, imagine another instance where you believe they lie to you always? What do you think will become of the marriage? The best way out of this marriage problem is to develop a very strong level of confidence in your spouse, it may take some time, but it's a very easy thing to do.

4. Lack of commitment
Marriage is a life time union and there are times when love alone is not just enough. The level of commitment you give into your marriage determines how successful it will be. Irrespective of the offense or negative feeling you have towards your partner, your determination to make your marriage work is all you need to make it smooth.

5. The atmosphere in the marriage
Building a negative atmosphere around your marriage is also a contributing factor to problems in your marriage. Sometimes couples discuss their problems with strangers, friends, relatives etc. Not knowing that they are doing more harm than good to their marriage. You may end up building a negative atmosphere around your marriage if everyone in your circle gets to know about the problems in your marriage. The best way to build friendly atmosphere is to keep and resolve your problems between you and your spouse. Tell your friends and acquaintances positive things about your wife or husband.

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What men want in a woman is someone who can love themselves. I'm not referring to women who are narcissistic and can't get themselves away from a mirror, I'm more talking about women who have respect for themselves. Women who respect themselves and spoil themselves have more value in the eyes of their men than women who do everything for their husband. If you're doing something for your man that's considered a luxury for him, you're actually making him more likely to divorce you. Shocking? The 3 reasons are explained below...

1. It's All About Timing

Women who spoil themselves put a lot of effort into themselves. Regardless of whether it's looking pretty or making sure that they have the best resources to improve themselves (ie. fitness, social status, etc...) these women know that their time is valuable.

So what about the time that these women allocate to someone else other than themselves? These other people in their lives must be important then.

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2. No Self-Respect

Consider the opposite: a woman who slaves away, working for the man at work, then working for her man at home. In the 24 hours a day, they say a good allocation of your time is 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for play and 8 hours for work.

Well, for her 8 hours of play, she's mainly doing stuff for her man, maybe cleaning up after him, cooking for him, things like that. She doesn't spend time on herself. Her man continues to treat her that way.

3. Who Would You Choose?

If you had to choose one woman to marry, who would you choose? A lot of men might say the 2nd lady, just out of sympathy. They might also say the second lady because she would be good wife material. I'd say the first lady, but on a few conditions.

The first lady respects herself. She knows her time is valuable. A woman like that is desirable because she puts in the effort to become desirable. It doen't get given to you, you've got to go and get it. Assuming she also had good wife traits, she'd definitely be the one to go for.

What men want in a woman is someone who puts themselves before others. As bad as it sounds, if the person doesn't do this even to a small degree, the marriage is headed for a divorce. That's the plain truth.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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As a Christian myself, I know the 'rules' we should live by, each and every day. I also know that sometimes it is very hard to live the Christian way, especially when our marriage is suffering. There ARE ways to get through this rough time, and there are alternatives to Christian marriage counseling.

Prayer and the study of God's Word are crucial parts of Christian life. Sometimes, especially when times are VERY hard, those don't seem to be enough to hold your marriage together. Divorce certainly isn't an option, so what else can you do?

The first thing you should do is to talk to your Pastor. He or She will listen to your problems, and will offer you advice on how to deal with them.

Even in Christian marriages, things like addiction, abuse and affairs happen. It is very important to keep calm during these times, and know that God IS working in your marriage, although you can't figure out why this is happening. Maybe it's time for the two of you to build a stronger bond? Getting through tough times does bring people closer together, growing their marital bond.

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Does your church have marriage counseling services available? If not, ask your Pastor if they know of a Church that does.

When your marriage is starting to have problems, do your best to get help as soon as you can. The longer the problem is left alone, the harder it will be to fix them.

God put the two of you together for a reason. Your marriage is His will.

My Pastor told me once, "If you remember anything at all, remember this - your husband and children are not yours - they are God's. You are all together because He put you together. Continue to pray for understanding and patience, and you will see His work in your family."

I was a new Christian then, and I thought that was absurd. I thought that if I didn't do anything, nothing would happen. but, I gave it a shot. God put the right resources in my path that helped me to fix my own marriage.

When you are looking for alternatives to Christian marriage counseling, look at all of your options.

There is your Church, there are your Christian friends. They can offer you valuable support - support that you need very much right now.

Ask God for the strength and knowledge you need to get through this. Look for the opportunities that God puts in your path.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com