“You are only going to be as good as the people you surround yourself with so be brave enough to let go of those who keep weighing you down.”

I believe that one of the biggest decisions that we all have to make is when to end a toxic relationship. When we are being torn between holding on and letting go. I am not just talking about romantic relationships. It includes friendly relationships and even a family relationship. What most people thought that there is love in a certain relationship, they are just being unaware that it is just a NEED. In order to be able to give, we must be whole. And a true relationship is a beautiful experience where people see each other significantly as themselves. Not wanting to change the other and letting each other grow. I have been in toxic relationships before when I was still unaware of myself. I feel blessed that my significant other at present is loving enough to give me time and space to grow as I replenish myself.

We have to be aware of what triggers us in order to identify on how to deal with how we feel. This happened to me when I wasn’t aware that the triggering factors affecting my relationship is my family. I grew up without parents by my side and not having a real close ties with both my mother and my father. Most of the time, my siblings and I are in dispute for the prize in our family: to make out parents proud and who will be “loved”–given the most attention, I guess. Sad thing is, we had our own versions on getting our parents attentions. We grew up having a family feud who among us 3 is the best. But it never really came out that way. Being the eldest, I had to defend my title. But one day, my mother “dethroned” me when I made a mistake and was being operated by fear as my defense mechanism. Everything else had changed since then. My relationship with my siblings went off track. It wasn't really corrected since then. Sad huh? But I am thankful that now, I am able to see. At least I know which way to go when a bent is ahead.

So how do we know if we are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues to ask yourself about:

When you are with this person, does he/she makes you feel contented or drained?

Is there an fairly equal in “give and take” in the relationship? Or do you feel like you are always giving and he is always receiving?

Do you feel like he/she is happy with who you are or do you have to change to make him/her happy?

Is the relationship characterized by security and contentment or by drama and angst?

Now with these clues, here are some steps you may take in order to maintain your sanity and take back your power:

1. Accept what you can’t change. It is hard, but it is essential to the process. I used to keep some of the best memories I had with particular people thinking it will be useful for the rainy day, but after sometime, I realized it wasn’t helpful at all. Sometimes, things just happen for a greater cause, it’s life. It’s sad but eventually you can go on with your life again.

2. Mourn a little or even a lot. Give yourself as much time as you need. Cry and be sad. There is nothing wrong being sad when a significant other walks out of your life. Eventually, you will make up your mind, go out there and do something that will make you happy.

3. Forgive and let go. Clean up the space in your heart so that you can accommodate for the better things to come. Never ever trick yourself that you have forgotten all about those that gave you happy memories either. Just keep that in your heart as a fuel in moving on and in moving forward.

4. Build boundaries. Regain your power. Freedom and peace as the emotional ambush is no longer present. Grow in the sense of being more you. Become more comfortable in your skin.

4. Keep your ground and move on with love. Remember that there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

5. Know that you can still be friends with them from a distance. Pray for your friend or your family member or your ex romantic partner as your way of giving away love even if they don’t know.

I love my family more than anything else in the world. I used to want to please them at one point or another in my life. I also love my friends, especially family members who became close friends. But sometimes, just sometimes, we have to step back to see things in a better view. It may take a while, or a year with a hope that one day, everything will fall into places.

Keep on shining!

Author's Bio: 

Jhoan Gabriel is a woman with a dream of becoming a writer when she was just little a girl. Weaving the path from where she was to where she wants to be made it possible for her to make chocolatekisses101.com sweet enough for the readers to relate with their everyday existence. Like some of you, Jhoan had lot of experiences that made her life feel misaligned. It marvels her the moment she understood that life has a wonderful way of giving a glimpse to everyone of us on how we wanted it to be. What's more wonderful is, it never closes its doors and even opens its windows for those who wanted to go beyond what they see and have the heart to discover life's purpose. She have been playing a lot of different roles since she thought she knew and understood the word "LIFE." Life for her has various definitions, depending on your role. She has this so called "family life", "spiritual life", "high school life", "love life", "college life", "married life", a little "social life", and even had her own definition of "Separate lives." Jhoan always wanted to go and have a so called "happy life" yet happiness never seemed really that lasting for her then. On her blog, she's sharing some personal insights she gained through success and challenges that she faced and conquered. Sounds real tough, huh?! Of course! She is. And you can, too!

It took her 27 years to understand that her life is in constant stage of struggle. Without really ever understanding that happiness comes from true self-love and true self-love means true self-forgiveness and true self-acceptance. She wouldn't be able to see herself constantly now and take a hold on it this time and believe that what she think matters. That it may share some light to those who are going through where she had been. In respect for her folks, they are not running short, material wise. Without any effort, Jhoan came to lure branded stuffs at the earliest stage of her life. With all these material blessings, she can't tell that she is indeed constantly happy and contented. In search for her real happiness, she had been running from problem to problem, course to course, debt to debt, and relationship to relationship only to find out that she's only running around circles and found herself trapped in the same situation. There will be certain times that she feels comfortably happy for being herself when she have someone sharing her love with but then, it will not really last that long. Looking back, she felt she did achieve something but still, she ain't that happy even if she have been travelling on vacation constantly, or at least, whenever she may wish to go, she has a daughter, a diploma, she can have a partner but she thought what is the sense since she have been running around the same direction, though. It even affected her first real business. When the business closed, she had given up pursuing as she was thinking she will still be okay since she have someone to go with her through it. But it never really happened that way! To her surprise, the biggest revelation was that, the person behind all those dilemma wasn't even her true self... it was her ego. It was running her life every time she recognizes a fear in certain situation without her knowing it. For some reasons, the universe had been handling her a lot in order to stimulate EMOTIONAL RECOGNITION, but she always chose to run from the situation. Needless to say, Life caught her off guard and had her on my knees. Family feud was ongoing, her relationship was deteriorating, name it! She had it all. Her self esteem was way, way down low. Only to find out, she had to face it on her own to be able to address her dark childhood issues.

Several months had passed until she finally decide on which path to healing she should go. Jhoan chose the road less traveled. She decided to undergo a healing process on which she will be able to feel positive and healed before committing to another relationship. She realized that she had to commit to herself first.She had to befriend herself first. She has to accept herself first. She have to love herself first. Jhoan dealt with her self worth issues. With willingness to find the alignment with her true self, she went through such confrontational process. Painful as it is, she was able to release the emotional baggage that she have been carrying with me for 27 years. It didn't happen overnight but when she decided to finally have the life the way real happiness means to her, she recognized the light a soul mate had given her that sparked and fueled the courage that she has. Also, it awakened the awareness and guided her in helping choose which to believe in every chatter that I hear in her mind. She now choose to lean on this wise part to see the difference between the observing part and the knowing part. She came to see and discover the real Jhoan. After being born, until she reached 7 years old, this is the second time Jhoan felt genuinely happy without grasping on someone to love her back. She finally learned to appreciate the love from within and feel the love that surrounds her. For her, life begins the moment you understand how to love yourself no matter what. The moment that you are aware that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you are good enough. This is just the beginning of a very rewarding, wonderful, and fruitful journey. And she's happy to share it with you.