Feeling Disconnected From Husband: My Husband I Have Grown Apart

When you still love your spouse, seeing that things are going from bad to worse can be incredibly painful. If you are able to acknowledge this fact and say, "My husband and I are drifting apart," to yourself (instead of just ignoring the problem or thinking it could go away by itself); you have already taken a big step in saving your marriage. Now it's just a matter of getting the right advice. Since I personally saved my marriage when my husband and I had grown apart and things looked hopeless, I want to help you.

When you and your husband are drifting apart, it is usually because, mentally and emotionally, you are not satisfied with the relationship. The biggest constituent in this is continuous fighting. Usually what happens when a couple is arguing all the time is that they start communicating less - because they fear that every conversation can turn into a fight. This is when you start thinking, "my husband and I are drifting apart." Like commonly known, good communication is the single biggest thing that keeps a marriage healthy. So, if you and your husband are growing apart, there are steps to be taken before the marriage breaks down. I want to give examples from my own marriage at this point.

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I had seen that my husband and I were drifting apart and I decided to do something. I wanted to talk to him openly about the troubles in our marriage. However, after a couple of painful experiences I ended up frustrated. A guide I found later told my why this was the case: Men aren't like us when they talk about they feelings. They can't be as open as we are, and they usually deal with their feelings in their own minds. When I read that, my experiences in trying to talk my mind about our marriage to my husband flashed through my mind and I found out that that was exactly the case.

Getting closer to your husband can be done by actions rather than words. The blazing speed of everyday life contributes to why you are thinking "my husband and I are drifting apart". What I did was to set aside some time to be with my husband. If you don't make an effort to allocate some time for that, everyday life doesn't much allow for spending alone with your spouse. When you are alone with your husband in a nice, warm environment, you will see that it is a great way to grow close again.

Never forget the fact that you two have been married for a reason - and know that those circumstances can be created again. It just requires some effort to do that, because love requires nurturing.

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Marriage has its ups and downs. Is your marriage in a rut? Do you have more negative than positive feelings about your spouse? Are you avoiding your spouse or merely having trouble carving out time from all of your other responsibilities? Both practical and emotional processes can interfere with connecting with your spouse.

Determine whether an emotional process has contributed to your relationship getting off track. Emotional distance occurs when one is avoiding their spouse or avoiding talking about certain topics with their spouse. A distancing person may be prone to overworking and/or overusing substances/hobbies when anxiety or tension is high. A common complaint made by wives is their husbands' focus on the TV or computer screen. How one spends their leisure time can be merely recreation unless one is primarily using it to escape, avoid, or soothe oneself.

Identify what triggers your tension. If you find yourself avoiding your spouse due to negative feelings, then identify the specific trigger. Is there any other way to think about your spouse? What can you say or do to let this trigger get under your skin less?

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Share your thinking. Do a self-check: What percentage of your thoughts do you tell your spouse? Of the thoughts you share, how much is about your self, your spouse, your relationship? Observe whether or not your telling your spouse about him/her leads to conflict or distance. Notice the difference between "I would like your company" and "You never want to spend time with me." Telling your spouse what you think about yourself creates personal connectedness.

The good news is the practical ways to connect with your spouse are endless. In an emotional sense, the key to connecting with your spouse is to be responsible for yourself without withdrawing or pressuring the other to change. Allowing each of you to be individuals in your marriage will help create desire for more connectedness. Marriage is hard, but it doesn't have to be an unsolved mystery. Although many couples wait until they are in crisis, you don't have to wait until there is a major symptom or crisis to work on yourself.

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How do you make sure your marriage is going to stand the test of time? What are some good marriage tips for a successful relationship? How hard is it to follow successful marriage tips?

Accept Him

First, don't make the mistake of marrying someone who you believe you can change. People are very hard to change and instead of trying to force something on him, change yourself. You will need to accept your husband for what he is if you want to have a successful marriage. If there is some destructive behavior that must be changed, do so with love and encouragement and never put him down.

Communication

The most important successful marriage tip is to communicate. This means that you will have to open up about everything and talk through any important decisions or issues which may arise between the two of you. These open lines of communication will enhance the respect and love you have for each other. In addition, open communication keeps things from being bottled up and can help the two of you avoid fights.

Be Intimate

A lot of times relationships start off hot and heavy, but the intimacy seems to wane after a while. However, in order to have a successful marriage, you will need to keep the love in your marriage. Intimacy is one of the single best ways to keep your partner close.

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Be Accepting

You must understand that no one is perfect. We are all going to have flaws and you must accept these in your spouse. Instead, appreciate any differences and love them in spite of any flaws or shortcomings.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Another important tip for a successful marriage is to let the small stuff go. Don't harp on the socks on the floor, but rather pay attention to the big things in your marriage. There are always going to be challenges in a marriage and you will have to learn which ones are more important than others. Make sure that you pick your battles carefully. Sometimes, it is just better to let the little things go. Remember that life is short and it is really only the big things that matter in the end.

Have Friends

While you want to spend time with each other, having a successful marriage also means spending some time apart. At least once every two weeks, you should schedule some time with your own friends. This will help you retain your own identity. In addition, absence always makes the heart grow fonder.

Care for Each Other

Never take your spouse for granted if you want to have a successful relationship. Be sure that you compliment them and tell him how much he means to you. Do the little things such as bring your husband some water if he has been working in the yard all day or simply say that you love him.

Go on a Date

Don't forget to continue to date each other even after you have been married for a while. Take the time to go out to a dinner and movie on Saturday night and spend some time with just the two of you.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Everywhere you turn there are secrets to getting rich, secrets to financial freedom, and secrets to raising well-behaved children. What you don't find very often are tried and true secrets to a happy marriage, and that is one thing you can't afford to not know.

You married your spouse for a number of reasons. You certainly didn't marry them just for a divorce. You have tried to have a good marriage, but it sometimes seems as though you are banging your head against a wall. You desperately want to find the secrets to a happy marriage.

Well, the secrets to a happy marriage really aren't all that secret. It's just a bit of learning, or maybe re-learning, to find the path back to your happy marriage.

Somewhere along the line something got out of whack. That could be something such as work schedules and very little time together, or financial struggles that put both of you on edge, it could even be something such as differences of how to care for children or who is going to do which daily household chore. These simple things should not be a problem or even the first stepping-stone to bigger, more difficult challenges to your marriage.

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If you find that things you wrongly assumed would be taken care of by your partner and they are not, remember that good communication is key to resolving this. Do not accuse your partner of deliberately trying not to handle the situation. Perhaps they just thought that was your particular need to take care of. Discussing what each partner feels is the other's particular job will head off any unwarranted hard feelings and can prevent discord. Even the little things can turn into big problems if left too long, so discuss it calmly right away.

Remember, too, that just because you would do something one way, they may have an entirely different way of doing the same project. Take, for example, cooking spaghetti. Maybe you leave it long to twirl onto your fork, but perhaps your spouse always breaks it into bite size pieces and prefers a spoon. This is something to compromise on, not fight about. Simply turn your head when she cuts hers on her plate.

Something to remember when sharing a home with someone else is to divide the housework. This may seem silly to even mention, but even today, women do a much larger portion of the household chores than men do. So not only do women go out and have careers, they also get a larger chunk of chores when they return home. Working just as hard as men and then having less time to spend with their spouse or children is not conducive to a good marriage.

Sometimes this is reversed, particularly if the wife has a higher-paying job. Either way split the cooking and the cleaning evenly. This is one of the secrets to a happy marriage that actually involve a little more effort, but the dividends in the end really do pay off.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com