Fighting With Husband After Baby: New Baby Marriage Falling Apart

Even though the following conflict resolution techniques will help in resolving conflict, people instinctively reject relational formulas that are separate from an attitude of genuine care. These techniques are only as effective as the sincerity of your love for others.

1. Refrain from speaking negative and hurtful words - When you are angry or frustrated it is very tempting to say everything you are thinking at the time. That never works out well. You need to remind yourself of the power of the words you speak. Words can either incite defensiveness or promote an attitude of peace. Words of kindness establish a setting for mutual respect and love. A healthy first approach is to take some time before you address the conflict. Allow your emotions to stabilize and allow "cooler heads" to prevail.

2. Exercise patience - Patience is a mark of maturity. It demonstrates you care more about the welfare of others over yourself. Not all conflicts are immediately resolved. Often it takes time for the process of resolution to take place. People process things differently. Some go through that process more quickly than others. Patience accepts the reality of the step-by-step process of relationships.

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3. Distinguish between the person and their behavior - In looking at conflict resolution techniques, it is important to separate the person from their behavior. You approve or disapprove of "things" (behavior, actions, and lifestyles), you accept "people". One does not cancel the other. Having long-term healthy relationships requires accepting others, even if you do not approve of their decisions.

One quote I read says; "We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." When a person feels acceptance, it frees them from feeling the need to be defensive.

4. Take responsibility for your emotions - We often make statements like, "He/She makes me so mad". The truth of the matter is no one makes us angry. The initial feeling of anger may be reactionary, but to stay angry in resolving conflict is a choice. Controlling anger is an important aspect in maintaining a clear perspective during conflict.

You have no control over what others do or say. If you want to see resolution to conflict, you must exercise what you do have control over-your emotions.

Taking responsibility for your emotions allows you to see clearly, giving you a perspective that in most cases will bring healing to the relationship.

5. Live the law of love - The most effective of conflict resolution techniques is to respond with the law of love. Living the law of love enables us to hear people with the "third ear"- our heart. Showing unconditional love removes the person's need to defend themselves.

If a person lashes out, it is usually because they are afraid or they feel devalued in some way. Times of conflict are a great opportunity to express worth to them by responding in a loving and respectful way.

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Do you find yourself automatically going from "zero to angry" in less than fifteen seconds when your partner says something that disturbs you?

If you've ever acted on autopilot whenever your partner has said or done something that has rocked your boat, your reaction might have been triggered by an old experience that you may be unaware of.

Reactive behaviors destroy the bridge of intimacy between you and your partner. If you want to create a healthy, loving relationship, you have got to break free of the automatic reactions that are unconsciously running your life.

How many of these reactive behaviors do you recognize in yourself?

- Blaming a disagreement on your partner.

- Becoming angry and raising your voice.

- Attempting to dominate your partner.

- Disengaging or withdrawing from your partner.

- Resentful compliance. o Whining, nagging or bullying.

- Denying there is a problem.

- Becoming confused and overwhelmed.

Re-Wire Your Brain
Your brain stores past painful experiences to help you avoid repeating them. Some painful memories are so embedded in your brain they will cause you to react unconsciously any time a current situation mimics that past experience. The good news is that you can "re-wire" your brain and teach it to respond in less reactive and more appropriate ways.

4 Steps to Develop Healthy, Non-Reactive Communication
In order to create new patterns, you and your partner will need to gain insight into the emotions and resulting behaviors that you trigger in one another. Here are 4 steps to get you started:

1. Ask yourself: What does my partner's behavior symbolize or represent for me? What are my beliefs and attitudes about his/her behavior? Remember you are seeing your partner's behavior through your own lens and your perception may not mirror what is actually running through your partner's mind.

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2. Become mindful of your behavior and the actions that you automatically take when you get "triggered". Slowing yourself down and taking a few moments to gather your wits will help you to make better choices in how you react. You will be able to begin to see the pattern of the reactions that you and your partner are caught in. Becoming aware of this cycle is the first step in changing it.

3. Agree to share your "triggers" with your partner. Expressing your own concerns and being open to listening to your partner's concerns builds a bridge towards understanding each other more deeply. This understanding alone can help you to begin to control your own reactions and communicate more appropriately.

4. Once you and your partner better understand each others reactive behaviors, you can practice new and healthy patterns of communication. As you engage in new, positive behaviors, you will reprogram the connections between the neurons in your brain and create new patterns of behavior. Instead of functioning from autopilot, you will learn to make healthy choices when you are in a conflict.

If you are having difficulty identifying your reactive emotions and their triggers, you may want to seek help from a couple's therapist. Through coming to understand the cycle that exists between the two of you and additional practice during marriage counseling sessions, you and your partner can develop the skills to experience strong, healthy communication. In time, you will be well on your way to being loving communicators in a wonderful, and supportive relationship.

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When considering your marriage, do you have concerns about the possibility of divorce? Do you feel that you and your loved one are slowly drifting apart? Are there days it seems that special spark you and your loved one shared has been forever lost? Plenty of people in like situations have been able to salvage their marriage and are now enjoying a dynamic relationship; you, too, can accomplish this. The first step to getting that happy married life is understanding the reasons that many marriages fail and end up in divorce. According to most relationship experts, the largest contributing factor to marriage failure results from lack of communication and/or poor conflict resolution skills.

In order to keep your relationship harmonious, both partners must be able to interact and exercise unified conflict resolution. Couples who say that they do not need help with their communication and conflict resolution proficiency are usually the one who are unhappy in their marriage. It doesn't matter where you are presently in your marriage, as you too can accomplish a healthy and happy marriage if you are just willing to work. Try out new communication skills, look for skills that have been studied and have had good results with the couples using them. It will not hurt to try. If you truly want to improve your marriage, you will want to use these techniques, as they have been used and proven effective by other couples in the same boat as you.

It is worth it to try to rescue your union. To make it work out, it's essential that you decide to do and learn as much it takes. It's not enjoyable to get a divorce. You can rescue your marriage and make things work, though it may be difficult and time-consuming, as well.

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GUILT is a bounty for the addicted, yet guilt, if anything, is the common addiction. The question is, how do we cut it from our lives?

The real problem with guilt in our lives is that it causes us to act in ways that hinder our relationships.

Whether we know it's guilt or not is another thing. We either don't know how to get out of the cycle of dysfunction or we don't seem to care. The way we usually deal with relational brokenness is to minimise responsibility for our actions and blame others for theirs. This only further distances us from others, decreasing the potential present to improve our relationships, which further contributes to our burden of guilt, when we finally do either face the truth or take the hostility to heart. Do you see a cycle there?

Just about everything about life that's lived in the bad has a vicious cycle about it.

The challenge before us, therefore, is to be honest about the role guilt has in our lives, and submit it for expulsion. It is about identifying the areas we harbour guilt and eradicating it.

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If we're guilty for what we put our parents through, guilt will convict us to continue seeking their approval. The opposite reality is the parent who enables their entitled child, who never feels guilt, which is in fact the opposite problem. Indeed, that's a question we all need to ask; if I act out of guilt in any particular relationship, how could this person be intentionally or unintentionally manipulating me? Of course, there may be, and usually is, no manipulation in reality; though, we may feel manipulated, and this is often more an issue for us than it is for them. See how guilt twists things? See how our guilt can make us see others in ways that are untrue? See how guilt can cause us to perpetuate untruth?

Guilt will always cause us to act in ways that seem unnatural, unbalanced and uncomfortable. But we tolerate those feelings because we feel it is necessary to bargain our way out of feeling we did wrong, or to make some recompense.

What we can do is a simple audit. Are there any people with whom I feel guilty to or for? Ask it another way. Is there anyone I feel I owe?

The irony here is the relationships worth nurturing are those we have with people who don't hold us ransom to blackmail. We may owe them in real ways, but once the debt is paid we are free. There are no strings attached.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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