First Year of Marriage Fighting All the Time: Surviving the First Year of Marriage

Marriage is one of the most beautiful institutions established because it solidifies a true commitment to love, family, and collective work. So what happens after the beautiful ceremony, lavish gifts, and earth-shattering honeymoon? The couple is left with the challenge of merging lives, families, resources, and traditions to create their ideal family? Although the first year of marriage is filled with intimacy and promise, it can be quite difficult. Fortunately, there are six tips to help newlyweds overcome these challenges and begin living a more fulfilling life.

Tip 1: Avoid the Fantasy

There is no perfect relationship or couple, despite what Hollywood portrays and what others may say. However, it is possible to have a devotion that withstands life's trials, which is the foundation of loving, stable marriages. Truthfully, marriage is tough and requires lots of support and a collective effort to love, compromise, and forgive. Anything that suggests differently is probably a fantasy.

Unlike the relationships portrayed in Hollywood, the average person has children, financial pressures, and professional obligations that prevent him or her from taking lavish vacations and purchasing roses each week, but this should not stop romance. Instead, find ways to create your happiness whether it's attending a free concert or having a picnic in the park. Taking the time to fulfill simple fantasies can create lasting memories.

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Tip 2: Choose Your Battles

It is not uncommon to find yourself arguing over simple things. Problems are magnified 10 times because we want to prove our points and win the argument. Frequent arguments lead to fewer opportunities for intimacy and romance. Marriage is full of compromise that requires you to pick your battles with the hope of achieving peace. Some bad habits will never change. Learn what should be ignored and addressed. In the event that a problem is addressed, consider the following:

1. Discuss this problem when both parties are in a good mood.
2. Avoid speaking about serious matters during sports or other favorite activities
3. Be clear and concise about your needs.
4. Find a way to engage your spouse, so he/she helps
5. Agree to disagree

Tip 3: Understanding Culture

Regardless if you are from the same or different ethnic background, there is a subculture that exists. For example, a couple of the same ethnicity has two different ideas about celebrating New Year's Day. One person may attend church services while the other prefers to watch the celebration at Time Square. Instead of criticizing these differences or viewing them as personal attacks, the key is to learn how to merge these sub-cultures in a way that supports individuality and fosters unity.

Tip 4: Protect

Social media has created a platform for people to receive continuous accolades and attention, but what happens when something negative is shared? You will get the same attention with fewer accolades. What's worst? Those comments become lost in cyberspace. Therefore, it is important to establish trust and protect your marriage from social media-particularly when there are disagreements. Disclosing intimate details of your marriage creates instability and vulnerabilities that can ultimately destroy your marriage and your spouse's trust. Posting positive attributes is encouraged, but keep in mind that once the door of disclosure is opened, it becomes easier to share more. Therefore, it is suggested that you use wisdom when posting about your spouse and relationship.

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Tip 5: Agree to Disagree

A common myth about marriage is that you should always agree. Actually, it is quite the opposite. There are times when you will not agree with everything your spouse says or does, and this is okay. It is best to understand that there will be times you must agree to disagree to maintain peace. This simply means to respectfully end the discussion agreeing that there are differences. New couples are often frustrated when they cannot come to a happy medium, but using this technique teaches couples to respect and move forward.

Tip 6: Love Unconditionally

Love is not a destination but a continuous journey. To experience this is nothing less than a blessing, particularly during challenging times. Love should not be based on conditions like money, physical appearance, and status. Instead, it is an emotion that demonstrates respect and loyalty during the toughest times. Requesting that someone does not change is not love but infatuation. A mature person who loves understands that change is an inevitable part of the human experience and does not see all changes as a personal threat but an opportunity to nurture.

The first year of marriage is full of bliss. Taking time to really understand the needs of your spouse takes time and a considerable amount of effort to get to know his/her likes and dislikes. Marriage is a collective journey that is filled with many triumphs and trials. No one has all of the answers but developing an intimate relationship with your spouse is the beginning of creating a strong foundation for overcoming many of these trials during your first year and those to come.

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In my work of dealing with marriages, marriage and pre-marriage counseling I have discovered some things about marriage; you can compare a good marriage to the building of a home.

Every home must sit on a foundation. This foundation does a lot to determine not only what type of house you will build but how high. It has various comparisons to a marriage including;

1) The house you build will sit on this foundation - When a house is designed it is assigned a certain amount of square footage. Based on the square footage and number of floors you plan on putting in this house you set the width, length and depth of the foundation. A marriage should be built on a solid foundation. Depending on how strong and high you want it to go, you may have to dig deep to get the depth you need for your marriage.

2) The deeper the foundation, the higher up you can build the house - A four- story home must have a deeper foundation than a single story home. Given the weather, wind and elements your house can stand to the extent you have built a great foundation. In marriage the deeper you set your foundations, the more storms you can weather.

How can a couple deal with an affair, the loss of a child or losing a job? The deeper the foundation the marriage is built on, the better chances it has of surviving. I have seen all three of these issues destroy a marriage. It does not have to be so.

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3) Cracks in the foundation can cause the whole house to crumble - Even the best foundation can suffer cracks (when an earthquake hits it) and when this happens to a house you have major problems. You may have to get under the house, jack up the house and repair the foundation.

Marriage is the same way. There are some things that happen to us that cracks the very foundation we have built our marriage on (such as a betrayal of trust) and this can cause an irreparable rift between two loving people unless it is addressed. Things like love, care, concern and trust help form our foundation. We cannot have a happy marriage in the absence of these things.

You can build a marriage that can withstand the tests of time provided you put a solid foundation beneath it. I encourage you to build a relationship that lasts.

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This is going to be an interesting article about understanding men. I'm going to use a popular TV show as a metaphor. I'm sure you've already figured it out. It's Judge Judy. She's been on TV for I don't even know how many years, but she's always great to watch when there's nothing else on TV. I think she's a good role model if you want to be a better woman for your man. She might look a little bit strict but if you simply take the following three qualities from her show, I can guarantee that your man will treat what you have to say with much more respect. Don't be surprised if he loves you more too.

1. "When I'm Talking, You Be Quiet"

This is one of the things that she says all the time when she's talking. This might come off as being somewhat authoritarian, but if she doesn't employ this sort of strict attitude, then she wouldn't really be a good judge.

If you're arguing, you have to know when to listen and when to be quiet. When your man has had his turn talking and he lets you talk, make sure that you get your entire thought across. Don't let him interrupt you and he will be more patient when you talk.

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2. Ask Questions

What Judge Judy is great at doing is asking questions. She makes sure that what the plaintiff and defendant is saying match up to the evidence that is provided and she tries to make the case fair.

If you ask questions, this stops you from assuming things. If you don't assume things, you're not as likely to get into trouble for assuming something and getting angry over it. Ask questions, but don't sound accusatory. Get to the truth.

3. The Final Verdict

As the Judge, no one can dispute the final verdict that she decides. It might not be fair, but according to the evidence, it's what is right. This can cause a bit of strife, but you have to realize that if you don't make any of the final calls, your man will simply dominate you for most of the relationship.

You have to step up and not be afraid to make the final call sometimes. If you can do this, then you'll be hard pressed not to get more respect from your man. Another note is not to make the final call based on your emotion. Try to calm down. If you say it, make sure you mean it too.

Do you think you can channel your inner Judge Judy next time you have a confrontation with your man? Understanding men is easy if you can use these three tips to understand how to resolve conflict with him better.

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No one can deny the fact that he/she has not experienced "love" or sympathy or empathy from someone since this world came into existence. The real question is, is it "love," sympathy or empathy that you are receiving from the very person of yours? Now a day, many have misquoted "love" for sympathy and empathy for sympathy in relationships and many confidants, friends, family and peer via circles; partners do not really know what they are after in relationship. It is high time human beings should be able to distinguish between "love", sympathy and empathy in a given relationship.

"Love", sympathy and empathy develop and are being expressed above all in the family, in "love" between friends and parents, in "love" of couples, in the solidarity of family, which can be seen as the nucleus round which wider group feeling, develops. "Love" and empathy extend from the family group to wider social organizations and ultimately to the society as a whole, the people, the nation.

Biblical, "love" is "purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another." Powerful emotions accompany "love" and it is the commitment holds "love," steadfast to unchanged. Emotions may change, but a commitment to ""love"" in a biblical manner endures and is the hallmark of a disciple of Christ. In Corinthians 13:4-6 "love" suffers long and is kind; "love" does not envy; "love" does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth".

Empathy is the capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another sentient or fictional being. With empathy, one must possess a certain amount of understanding before being able to experience accurate sympathy or compassion base on walking in another shoes, entering into another person's frame of reference or having the ability to experience life as the other person does by entering the person's world of thoughts, feelings, emotions and meanings. Even though, the word empathy does not appear in the Bible, but the Scriptures do refer indirectly to the characteristics of demonstrating empathy which is defined as "the capability to share another emotions and feelings" (1 Peter 3:8).

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The accurate empathy person must experience another person's private world as if it were his/her own, but remembering the "as if" part of it. It means being able to sense another person's joy, fear, and confusion without your own feelings of joy, fear or confusion being wrapped up in the matter. Simply, it means being able to have a very clear insight into another person's experience.

Sympathy on the other side is a feeling and concern for the well-being of another person. It is also the tendency to help others in order to prevent or alleviate their suffering. Sympathy and Empathy are not blood related so as "love". Empathy is always good sympathy is contextually good but "love" dominates all. You can have one, without the other. Assuming, someone came in with a problem, you can have sympathy with only vague understanding of the other person's feelings. You can also understand exactly how bad a person feels and still capable of not helping him/her.

You can be an accurate empathetic person and still have your freedom of sharing a specific emotional state with another person in a way you think is best, whether the sharing involve helping others or not. You can highly be empathetic and have options at the same time. However, when does "love" get confused for empathy? Well merely when one has only received attention, which they then presume as "love", from other because they are in financial constraints, facing trials and temptations, being ill and admitted to the hospital or stressed out in some ways.

They only describe '"love"' to themselves only when they find themselves in circumstances, which are out of control and has been fearfulness on their shoulder. Unfortunately, this can set in motion a behavior pattern where the individual feels these is the only feasible way they can extract "love" from others. "Love" placed in quotation obviously signifies that what is being received is not "love" at all. It is the feelings of empathy and sympathy that the individual attempts to bring to mind in others.

By so doing, the person bringing into mind of others have accomplished an adopted prey like stance in relation to others. Approximately, by so doing the person appear helpless and believe their instinct to be such. In addition, the person bringing into mind of others try to create circumstance to make others think that he/she feel responsible for them in manipulate manner. They feel this is important because they have never experienced receiving "love" in any other way thus, deep down believe that they are to be love. It is also a big reason why many relationships fail. So how can one the "love" problem? Well one must recognize that the problem of sympathy for love and sympathy for empathy exist and must know its root. By knowing the root of the problem, you the stand at the position of knowing whom you are and what you want in life.

You cannot misquote love for sympathy and sympathy for love. If you want, a true relationship then you must understand the need of dealing and handling sympathy and empathy from your partner, confidants, friends, family, and peer via circles and go in for love.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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