How Can I Spice Up My Relationship With My Husband: How To Spice Up Your Love Life In Marriage

I have spent years counseling couples on their relationship. Part of my work has included talking about the subject of sex. Through the years I not only have to learn how to share these thoughts but discover how to help couples improve their intimate relationships.

This article deals with the reasons as to why people need to engage in good sex if they plan on engaging at all;

1) For the feelings - good sex feels good. Yes it has a way of playing on our emotions. It invokes feelings that we are hard pressed to get anywhere else. As such when sex is good the feelings can be very hard to deal with.

2) You get to give pleasure to someone else - it is great to realize that you are a pleasure machine. This gives you a sense of satisfaction because you know that someone is going to bed and waking up smiling due to what you do to them. The smiles you see on their face make it worth it.

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3) It is good for the heart - exercising is very important. So you can get an incredible workout by having vigorous sex.

4) It draws you closer to your partner - I know there are those who prefer to keep sex on a casual level. I don't believe it is possible to keep a relationship casual when the sex is really good. As a man I don't want a woman who is here today and gone tomorrow or worse yet, in the bed of another man a few days later.

5) Variety is the spice of life - nothing takes a sexual relationship to the next level faster than having a partner that is open to various positions. Sadly, many married people get so use to the same type of sex that they are not open to looking at the other possibilities.

I once told a husband and wife "consider one of the reasons men go to prostitutes. These women could care less about the man, only want his money and will be gone from his life forever with no second thought. Yet she tends to do the one thing a man in love with his wife cannot get her to do; she cooperates. He knows that he won't hear the word no. Does this make it right? No. But is it a reality? Yes."

Sex can be both good and rewarding. So make it both in your life.

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If you want to get better at understanding men, this article will show you how to put your husband second in order to put your marriage first. A lot of the time in a marriage, there is somewhat of a power struggle. Either the husband or the wife tries to take the lead, leaving the other person feeling like they have to play second fiddle. This might sound like it's sort of unfair, but really, this is one of the best ways to take the relationship forward. The power struggle itself is what is important to the marriage functioning properly. No power struggle means that no one is putting effort in. Here's how to put your man second to make sure your marriage is rock solid.

1. Rejected!

If your man is used to getting his way or simply doing whatever he wants to do without letting you know, just remind him and tell him that you do at least deserve to know where he goes and what he does.

Once you start off by doing this, then you might even work up the confidence to actually tell him, "no, you can't go out tonight..." This could potentially shock your man, which is what you're going for. This will also recalibrate the balance of respect in your relationship.

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2. Do Your Own Thing

If that doesn't work, remember that you can always do your own thing. If he's going out with his mates every weekend, what's stopping you from going out with your girlfriends on a night out on the town?

If he doesn't mind, that's fine. At least you're both having fun. If he does mind, this is where it gets interesting. It's all about permission and letting the other person know what's happening. If they want to know, they're simply concerned. Tell him that you will let him decide if you can go or not, as long as he lets you do the same.

3. Give Him Power

This final tip is more so for the women who are seen as the ones who wear the pants in the relationship. It's actually vital that you give back a bit of control to your man if you want your marriage to go further.

If you don't, there's no mutual respect. He's letting you do whatever you want, while he gets the short straw. Encourage him to be tougher on you and to put himself first while putting you second. You need to both respect each other to have a strong relationship.

If you're having trouble understanding men, remember that you have to put the man second sometimes to make sure that the respect between the two of you is balanced out. If you call the shots in the relationship, make sure that you designate power back to him so that you respect him as well. Remember, the perpetual power struggle is what makes a marriage strong and long-lasting.

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What is a "good marriage"? How good does it have to be? And what does "good" mean, anyway. Can a couple fight a lot and still have a "good marriage"? What if they don't fight at all? Could they still have a "bad marriage"?

A good marriage means different things to different people. For some, it may be enough that their spouse doesn't beat them, works regularly and doesn't cheat. Maybe they grew up with a parent who was violent, unreliable or philandering. They may be grateful just to avoid that pain and don't ask for much more.

For others, the mere absence of abuse is not enough. They may find themselves in a marriage that appears to be "good" in all respects. Their spouse may be kind, dependable, respectful and rich. Still, something feels missing.

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Some marriages are harmonious enough but fail to satisfy. It may be that there is an underlying conflict which is unacknowledged and unexpressed. Some marriages depend upon constant harmony to exist at all. Introduction of a conflict is seen as provocative and a betrayal of trust. If you have a complaint, you'd better keep it to yourself. This can lead to frustration, depression, even illness.

In the best marriages, the ones that both last and are satisfying, conflict is managed, not avoided. It is not allowed to take over the relationship, but neither is it suppressed. Partners are allowed, even encouraged, to say exactly what they think and feel. They don't lash out ruthlessly, but neither do they pretend all is OK when it's not. Good marital, mental and even physical health are facilitated when partners can say what they believe, even if their spouse does not agree.

Even when partners are pretty well-matched, changes can bring conflict. Change is difficult but necessary. Whether a marriage is openly conflictual or relentlessly harmonious, a marriage that is unable to adapt to changes like births, economic ups and downs, departures of children and retirement will become stressed.

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Relationships have a life of their own. That really hits home for people who are working hard on enhancing their sense of self-worth. What happens is that at some point there is resistance from others in their relationship circle. An example is someone who is working at losing weight only to find that the spouse keeps bringing home food that tends to undermine this endeavor. This example shows how important it is to pay attention to what happens in between people. Yet all of us, when we begin to think about it, are very aware that indeed life in the families we grew up or in the relationships we are in now have a predictable pattern to them. That is because relationships organize people.

Growing up you no doubt knew what could be talked about and what not in your home. After a while you could predict the response that you would get depending on what you did or said. All families are like that because all relationships develop a system of their own. The difference is that in some homes the rules are flexible and reality based while in some others they are inflexible and arbitrary.

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Now if you making personal changes because you want to increase your self-confidence it will help you if you simultaneously keep the big picture in mind. By training yourself to also think "relationship system" you will have more success. You will be taking responsibility for your own growth and at the same time be aware how, what you are doing, is impacting on the relationship balance. Just seeing what is going on will help you stay more in charge of yourself.

Understanding that personal change also affects relationships makes it easier to stay focused on personal change. Successful self-growth also leads to relationship growth.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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