Getting Traction in Life: Deciding for Your 'Self'

Nothing's more frustrating than feeling like you're "spinning your wheels." There's a restlessness for action or change, but you can't seem to sustain your enthusiasm for any particular direction. Or perhaps you're facing a critical decision, a situation that DEMANDS action. You want to make the right choice, but the more you think about it, the LESS certain you become.

As conscientious individuals, we'll naturally ponder and even struggle for a bit before making an important move in life. But when you feel UNABLE to move -- when you're stuck and remain stuck -- something else is going on. When you've come to feel almost as though you've lost the POWER to decide, you need to understand that it's not the gravity or complexity of the situation that stumps you. It is fear.

This may seem like a small distinction, but concern and fear are two entirely different territories. And it's essential to recognize -- not judge, but recognize -- when you've strayed into the domain of fear. Why? Because struggle and stress though you may, in fear, that right answer will CONTINUE to elude you.

Fear will keep you stuck, because fear, quite simply, leads you to ask the WRONG questions.

When fear has taken over, the question becomes: "What course can I follow that will ensure no disappointments, no challenges, no adjustments along the way?"

Fear will demand: "What actions can I take in this situation that will fix everything perfectly ... that will fix everything right away?" "What decision will guarantee success ... guarantee against my feeling any loss of control, any sense of self-blame or embarrassment?"

And the answer to all these questions is, of course, "Nothing."

So we do nothing. Fear keeps us frozen. Fear keeps us stalled in doubt, because it is the nature of fear to beg questions that cannot be answered.

ASKING THE 'RIGHT' QUESTIONS ...
Fortunately, once you begin to ask the right questions, the fear and tension will begin to lift.

So instead of asking what will guarantee the right outcome, you ask: "What choice is best for me now?" "What course reflects what I actually wish to create?" "What matches my actual intention?" "What can I do that will start me in a good direction?"

If you're responding to a difficulty, the right questions are: "What approach to this problem can I handle in balance?" "What can I do that will start to make things better?"

If that difficulty involves compromises and competing interests: "What decision is most consistent with what I truly value."

Or you may simply ask, "If I were NOT afraid, what choice would I make?"

The moment you begin to ask yourself these questions, you'll notice a shift in your energy. That tight, pressured, worried sense will begin to disperse. And you'll begin to feel your internal support come back on line.

You'll start to feel YOURSELF come back ... along with your enthusiasm, your excitement, your inspiration.

Asking these questions restores your power and clarity because you KNOW the answers to these questions. They come from you and not your fears.

WHAT CERTAINTIES CAN WE HAVE?
Fear stalls us because it demands a kind of certainty that doesn't really exist. Ironically, when you relax these fears, more profound and powerful certainties become available to you.

When you make a decision for your self, you can be certain that you will define your success in undertaking that decision. You can be certain of your patience with yourself and value the learning that comes to you. You can be certain of your intention, your persistence, your flexibility.

All these are absolute certainties because all these are absolutely and completely within your power.

Whatever course you choose, you'll move successfully and peacefully because you're moving forward ON YOUR OWN TERMS and at your own pace. You are, in every sense of the phrase, deciding for your self.

A QUICK EXERCISE TO GET UNSTUCK ...
If you still feel penned in by your fears -- all the what ifs -- here's something that will help. Name them!

Take out a pencil and paper and just make a list of your fears. You don't have to fix them. You don't need to engage them. It's perfectly human to experience fear, so just be honest.

"If I take this action, I'm afraid that ...." And start your list. And keep writing until there's nothing left.

Fears have an emotional charge to them. It makes them seem more real than they are. Naming your fears starts to release this charge.

IN CONCLUSION ...
We all want to make the right moves in life. But clarity does not come to us when we finally feel certain of our success in the world. Clarity and success are about moving in the world while being certain of ourselves.

Whenever you find yourself stalled in doubt, feeling desperate for that right answer, your questions have undoubtedly become about the world rather than about you. To regain your clarity (and your lightness), you simply need to RECLAIM your questions ... so they reflect the certainties of which you are always master.

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